Kagayaku Means to Shine
by skyeward
Summary: Suppose that in the moment that they connected, the End of the World planted a seed in the Prince. What happens, then, when the Witch finds her again? What do you suppose such a union would produce? Twins. UxA, JxK, TxS, MxN postfin, CURRENTLY A MESS. Plot-hole and reality-check surgery complete for one chapters 1-12 (formerly 1-15).
1. Mitsukeru: To Find

Disclaimer: This disclaimer applies to all chapters of this story. The anime/manga/movie Shoujo Kakumei Utena and characters from said anime/manga/movie belong to whomever they belong to, and not to me. I should think this would be obvious. The following characters (very, very slight spoiler alert) belong to me, and may be used with permission:

Tenjou Nishiki and Nishiko  
Shirada Eriko  
Iwaki Satoru  
Shikikawa Keiji  
Kaguchi Takeda  
Kazemi Brennan  
Sakeda Makoto  
Kasajima Mari, Mika, and Maki  
...and any other characters that do not appear in the anime/manga/movie.

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 22 May 2005  
Re-written: 19 July 2006  
Edited: 18 July 2012

Chapter One

Fairytales are stories, and stories have ends. Or so they like to tell you. But what happens when the story doesn't end? What happens when there is no 'happily ever after' on the last page, only a life left behind and a life yet left to lead? Duels have been won and lost, a princely young woman has come into her own, a witch has learned what kindness feels like. Panthers and songbirds, playboys and wild girls have shed their chains and stand straight and tall for the first time. A power has...or perhaps has not...been granted to the victor. And there is nothing for it but that life should carry on. But we do not begin at this candid acceptance of the inevitability of time. We start with a wounded Prince lying on the precipice, whispering a promise to the Princess-Witch who wounded her as their fingers slip apart...and with the Million Swords that seek to destroy them both.

* * *

_"Soshite...itsuka, issho ni..."_

But Anshii's fingers slipped from hers, and all she could do was lay there, watching as her princess slipped out of her reach forever, falling away from her into endless blackness, still locked within her rose-emblazoned coffin. Blue eyes closed slowly, and she quietly ceased to care. She just lay there, limp, waiting for the swords to come and deliver her from a life that had suddenly become nothing but the burning, never-ending pain of loss and failure. She had failed to resist Akio's schemes, even knowing full well who and what he was. She had failed to protect Anshii. She had failed everything, and only wanted it to end.

The Swords could feel. They could feel the most basic and insistent of emotions, hate, rage, hunger. And as they watched the broken girl who had wished to be a prince, they felt hunger in abundance. They swirled in the air around her, hungry but cautious. The other prince had always diverted them from what they wanted, driven them into the flesh of the witch, which wasn't nearly as satisfying. But this one wasn't him. This one, this girl, was helpless before them. And they would feast. They dove.

The hunger turned to rage. Somehow, this slip of a fourteen-year-old girl, lying on the ground and wanting nothing more than to die, was untouchable to them. They lashed out with their rage, tearing the arena stone from stone until nothing stood. Finally, they ceased and withdrew into unsettled rest. They weren't satisfied - they would never be satisfied - but their rage had been spent, for the moment. They neither knew nor cared what became of the girl who played prince.

Utena fell. She fell, the air tugging at the tatters of her boys' uniform, and didn't even bother to scream. She was too numb to want to open her eyes, too tired to really care that she would probably liquefy upon hitting the ground, hurting too much to even be afraid of the peace that death would bring her. A tiny smile tugged at the corners of her lips as she wondered if perhaps this timeless, weightless feeling was what Himemiya had desired so badly that night, when she tried to throw herself off of the roof. She felt bad now, for saving the other girl.

_'It's taking an awful long time for me to hit the ground...' _

There was a faint, familiar tingling along her limbs and she opened her eyes to find herself staring directly into eyes that she knew as well as her own, despite only having seen them once.

"Dios," she breathed, and he smiled, then gently kissed away a tear that had spilled down her cheek, making her smile weakly with the nostalgia of it. She felt safe in his presence, just as she had so long ago. Touching her stomach, covered in blood and tatters of cloth, with one hand, he leaned close once more and breathed soft words into her ear before fading in a shower of white rose petals.

Suddenly, she understood. And it saved her.

* * *

Anshii felt the piece of paper in her hand crinkle, and forced herself to relax. She closed her eyes briefly, leaning against the cool stone wall of the apartment building, and tried to force the sudden nervous tension from her body. It had been more than eight months since she'd left Ohtori, and suddenly, finally, she had found her prince again. She ran her fingers through her unbound hair, frowning slightly as she felt the lightness of it and remembered. She'd cut her hair, so that it fell to about her hips now, instead of nearly to her knees.

At first, she'd planned to cut it all off, to return to the dimly remembered days of being young and happy, of shoulder-length hair and freedom and love. But in the end, she'd only cut just over a foot off. Those days were over and done with, and she had a future to look forward to. She smiled faintly at her adolescent worries. Utena wouldn't mind. Utena probably wouldn't notice.

Anshii rubbed her eyes tiredly, and couldn't hold back another smile. No more glasses. Yet another gift from her beloved, departed champion. She'd left them behind in her brother's office the day she left, and never regretted anything less. But now she was just stalling. Taking another deep breath, she gathered up her courage while examining the place that she'd finally tracked Utena to.

Much to her surprise, her prince had fled the country entirely. According to her information, Utena had initially returned to her aunt's home but had left again not long after, ostensibly to study abroad. Anshii had discovered no more details than that, although after finding out more about the other girl's extended family she surmised it had not been a pleasant time. It had come as a shock to discover that not only were Utena's parents and her aunt rather estranged from the girl's extended family, but that said family was a large and very traditionalist group of business moguls, collectively owning a more-than-respectable slice of the Japanese real estate market. It had probably been their money that sent the young woman to Ohtori Academy, and their influence that had removed her from the country. Why, Anshii had no idea.

When she'd discovered Utena's trail again, the girl was attending American high school on a student visa, taking English as a second language courses, and living in a tiny apartment, in a small building, in an area that could be described by a generous soul as, well, 'quaint'. This was where Anshii had finally tracked her to. It was a nice enough building, she supposed, made of faded, patchy red brick in a row of identical, equally old apartment buildings. Quaintly American and totally unlike the Gothic splendour of Ohtori, which might have been part of the reason Utena had chosen it.

Apartment 1-B. Anshii raised her hand and knocked lightly, three times. She stepped back, fidgeting a little, and half-prayed that Utena wouldn't be home, that she could put this confrontation off just a little bit longer, until she was more prepared, until she had thought of answers to all the questions she just knew were coming. She waited a moment, and nobody answered. She almost turned to leave, but at the last second forced herself to knock again. Even if she left, she had nowhere to go – the cab that had delivered her had already driven away.

She had barely taken her knuckles away from the door when it opened, and what she saw there nearly made her faint. Her prince, her champion, her Utena, was standing there, framed in the slender opening allowed by the heavy chain on her door, with her jaw hanging open...and roundly, thoroughly pregnant.

* * *

Anshii couldn't decide if she wanted to faint, die, or both. There was nothing in the world that could have possibly prepared her for the sight of this, and the first thought that struck her was that it must have been some kind of mistake. That this wasn't Utena, that she, with her dubious skill in English, had copied the address incorrectly, had misread the placard on the mailbox out front. But one look into those limpid blue eyes, the eyes that had haunted her dreams ever since leaving the Academy, and she knew it was no mistake.

They stood and stared at each other for several moments, neither one of them quite sure of what to do, when suddenly Utena grunted in discomfort, one hand going to her lower back as she winced. The purple-haired girl stepped forward out of pure reflex, only to be stopped by the chain on the door. A stabbing pain went through Anshii's heart when Utena closed the door, although she knew objectively and from the sound of it that the other girl was only slipping the chain. It was over in seconds, and then she was stepping in through the re-opened door and wrapping one arm around her champion's waist to help her back inside. Utena gave her a tired smile as she got settled onto the couch with a sigh.

"So..." she murmured, looking up at the dusky-skinned girl, who stood awkwardly just out of arm's reach. Anshii couldn't help it. The tears sprang to her eyes unbidden and she fell to her knees, resting her head on Utena's lap with a choked sob.

"Utena-sama!" she cried, her tears wetting the pink-haired girl's cotton pants and her breath hitching between bouts of broken-hearted weeping.

"Hey, what did I tell you? No more 'sama'. Just Utena." Smiling slightly, running her fingers through Anshii's hair and scolding her playfully, Utena carried on as if it hadn't been over eight months since they'd seen each other, as if she weren't pregnant, as if Anshii hadn't...but she had, and she continued to sob helplessly as she released all the grief, guilt, and frustration she'd held tightly in check these last months. It was all wrong. She should be on her knees begging for forgiveness, not sobbing like a child and leaning on the prince's strength like she always had before, relying on Utena to make everything right again. Eventually, berating herself mentally, Anshii managed to lift her face from Utena's lap and look up at the other girl. She lowered her eyes again quickly, though – it felt like looking into the sun.

Utena wrapped a loose lock of purple hair around one fingertip and smiled, "Did you cut your hair? It looks nice down." Anshii was interrupted in her efforts to nod when she found herself bursting into tears all over again.

"I'm so sorry..." Anshii cried between gut-wrenching sobs, "I'm so sorry, Utena!" And then she only wept harder, as she wrapped her arms around Utena's waist and her fingers unconsciously passed over where she just knew the scar was, the mark of her betrayal on the body of her beloved.

"Shhh, Himemiya. I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. It's alright." Utena continued to stroke her former roommate's hair gently until the sobs began to ebb, until Anshii lifted her head once again, until she finally managed to look at Utena's face and produce a small, sad, watery smile. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyelashes matted, her face shining with wetness.

"Utena..." she said it slowly, as if tasting the word without the suffix, and smiled again, a somewhat less pathetic attempt this time, "Utena. You should call me by my given name." Utena nodded.

"Anshii, then. Here..." she produced a handkerchief from one pocket and offered it to Anshii, "Dry your face." Anshii gave a short laugh that turned into a wet hiccup and took the square of cotton, slowly getting to her feet to join Utena on the couch, where she suddenly realized she was exhausted. She'd never felt such powerful or complex emotions before in her entire life. Yet another attempted to intrude, outrage at everything her brother had kept from her, but that one was old hat and she brushed it away without dwelling on it. Taking the opportunity that Utena's patient silence offered, she tried to gather her thoughts as she slowly dried her eyes. But all she could recall was the last time Utena had offered her a handkerchief, and how she had felt. Green eyes hesitantly rose to meet blue, and the gentle affection she found there made her want to cry again.

"Oh, Utena..." she murmured softly, lost in those eyes again. A gentle touch grounded her, Utena's hand cupping her cheek, a thumb brushing gently across her cheek, wiping away the newest tear that she hadn't felt escape.

"Don't cry, Anshii. It's okay. This is real, I promise. Ohtori is nothing but a memory now." Anshii lifted one hand, holding Utena's against her face, desperate to believe that this was the real world, that he held no power over her now. Somehow, she couldn't bring herself to believe that this was really the end of her journey, that she was really sitting beside Utena, really touching her.

Pregnant or not, her champion was undoubtedly the most beautiful person, male or female, that she had ever met or could ever hope to meet. She might be a bit odd, a bit of a tomboy, maybe a little coarse, blunt, and tactless, but there was a core of honesty, loyalty, and beauty that shone from within her like a warm hearth fire, drawing people towards her. She'd shone like the sun in the gloom of Ohtori, and even here in the real world she held the light and warmth of a welcoming bonfire.

Suddenly, Anshii blushed and lowered her hand and her eyes. How could she have been so foolish? Utena was _pregnant_. One didn't generally get that way all alone. Of course. Hadn't she just been thinking of how amazing Utena was? She obviously had a lover, a boy, someone to share her new life with. She didn't need Anshii. The purple-haired girl could feel her heart straining in her chest, pain radiating outwards from the much-abused muscle as she realized that her dream of sharing her life with Utena was not to be. With the ease of long practice, she slid a mask over her real feelings and forced herself to look calm again, trying to tamp down all the rampaging emotions she'd just finished letting out. The speed with which her demeanor changed was almost ridiculous, as she plastered a polite smile across her face, hoping it was mostly dry and she didn't look utterly ridiculous.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, Utena...showing up unannounced like this, how rude of me! I'm sure you must have better things to do, I'll just get out of your way now. Thank you for the handkerchief, I don't know what came over me..." she stood and made to leave, only to be stopped by a firm but gentle hand around her wrist.

"Anshii..." But Anshii didn't turn around. She knew that if she turned and looked at what would certainly be a face full of pity, she would most certainly break down into tears again, and she couldn't afford to do that - not with her face so carefully in place.

Her voice rang with false calm as she answered, "It's alright, Utena! I'm sure you're busy with school and such things, so I'll just be going now..." She tugged on her hand, but despite being away from the duels, Utena hadn't weakened in the least. Her grip was firm and Anshii couldn't break free.

"Anshii, look at me." Utena's voice was firm, and Anshii couldn't help but turn her head, dreading what came next, but Utena's expression held nothing but patience and affection.

"Anshii, you don't have to run away from me, and you don't have to hide your feelings." Anshii's eyes must have widened, because Utena smiled before continuing, "Yes, I can tell when you're being dishonest about how you feel. You can leave if you really have to, but I would prefer it if you came and talked to me. I want to know what you're really feeling."

"Oh, Utena..." Anshii murmured as the hand fell away from her wrist, but she didn't turn around, "You can't know how I feel. I can't tell you. You have a lover now, somebody to care for you...I can't tell you this." She heard Utena getting to her feet, and suddenly arms wrapped around her waist, hugging and releasing her quickly. The warm roundness of Utena's belly was softer than she'd expected.

"I don't have a lover, Anshii. There's no one in my life."

Anshii turned to face Utena, bewildered. "No one? But how..." she glanced down at the prince's stomach, silently questioning. Utena dropped her eyes and looked vaguely ashamed, and the answer hit Anshii like a load of bricks.

"It was...it was him, wasn't it? That time...the roses..." Utena gave a slight nod, and Anshii felt the floor fall out from under her. Her mouth opened and closed, and she groped for something to say, but what words were there for this? How does one apologize for something like this? _'I'm so sorry for having you deliver roses to my brother, knowing he'd push you into bed and __**rape**__ you'_?

She continued to fail for words, until she saw a single tear leak out from the corner of Utena's eye, and then she felt like slapping herself. '_Idiot! She probably thinks you hate her now! Say something!'_

"Utena, I-"

"I'm sorry." Utena said softly, "I'm sorry for what I did to you. I'm sorry for what I did with him. I was so confused, and he was so much like the prince I'd always dreamed of. And...and he looked so much...so much like...I knew who and what he was, and I did it anyway. And I hurt you, and now this..." And then it was Anshii's turn to comfort Utena as she wept. There were so many questions yammering about in her head, the noise was deafening. But she didn't ask any of them. Utena was already under enough pressure, and it certainly wasn't her place to add to it.

"Utena..." she began, but the other girl cut her off.

"I could have had an abortion. My family wanted me to. They sent me here when I decided not to. When I realized I was pregnant, my first thought was the same. But I couldn't. In the end, I just couldn't. I couldn't snuff out this tiny little life in my stomach. And I thought maybe...maybe it would look like him. And then I almost did it. But...if it looked like him, I thought, it might be like a piece of...of you. And then it would be okay, because I...because I love you, so much." She fell silent for a moment.

Anshii couldn't help the blush that spread over her face then, and was quietly glad that the way Utena was leaning on her prevented the pink-haired girl from seeing her face. But Utena wasn't done.

"I know, I know! It's stupid, we're both girls, I'm pregnant by your brother, there are so many reasons it would never work and now you probably hate me and-"

Anshii was having none of it. Gently lifting Utena's face from her shoulder, Anshii looked up into those watery blue eyes for a brief moment before stretching upwards and planting a soft, sweet kiss on those perfect pink lips. Pulling back, she smiled at Utena's bewildered expression.

"Utena...for such a smart girl, you can be so very dense sometimes." she murmured, "I love you. I always loved you, from the moment you told me that you fought for Chu-chu's sake and not mine. And I still love you now." Tears were running freely down both of their faces as they embraced.

Suddenly, Utena stiffened in her arms, and Anshii frowned slightly, concerned.

"Utena?" she inquired, but the pink-haired girl didn't respond. "Utena!" she said louder, and this time the response was a soft grunt. Stepping back a bit, she looked up into blue eyes full of pain, and a bit of panic crept into her voice. "Utena? Utena?"

"Anshii..." Utena groaned, "It's time." Anshii blinked.

"Time for what?" The sound of water dripping from the couch onto the floor answered her question.

END CH.1


	2. Shiageru: To Complete

Chapter Two

Written: 02 June 2005

Re-written: 01 August 2006

Edited: 18 July 2012

* * *

"Anshii..." Utena groaned, "It's time." Anshii blinked.

"Time for what?" The sound of water dripping from the couch onto the floor answered her question.

* * *

They always say it's best to stay calm in a crisis situation. Utena's water breaking suddenly during a conversation could, indeed, be classified as a crisis of the first class.

What do 'they' know, anyway?

Anshii was, at the moment, very quietly and very thoroughly panicked. 'Car, hospital...what do I know about giving birth? Think!' As she though furiously, she had the presence of mind to cast around for a phone. She spotted one on the wall near the door, and was halfway to it before something occurred to her.

"Utena? I'm...I'm sorry, but I can't call. I don't know the number or enough English." Utena groaned in response, then waved Anshii back towards her. The smaller girl tugged Utena's arm across her shoulders, helping her walk the few steps to the phone.

"It's...it's 9-1-1 here," she commented as she dialed exactly that, requested an ambulance, and gave her address. By the time she finished answering the rest of the questions as best she could, she was only standing with help from Anshii and the wall. Then she returned, with Anshii's help, to her seat on the couch. Anshii herself couldn't sit – instead, she paced or flitted here and there, fidgeting and constantly glancing back at Utena, as if the pink-haired girl might burst at any moment. Despite her closed eyes, it didn't take Utena long to become uncharacteristically irritated at the sound of Anshii's heels thumping back and forth across her carpeted floor.

"Utena? Are you alright? Is there anything that you need to bring with you? A bag, perhaps?" There was silence for a moment, then Anshii asked again, "Utena?" After gathering her patience – yelling at Anshii was possibly the most counter-productive idea she'd ever had – Utena finally answered.

"I'll be fine. And yes. There's a bag, on the floor, behind the front door. I need that. Dammit, it's early..." She'd decided that perhaps conversation would help her ignore that incessant thumping as Anshii continued to pace and help pass the time until the ambulance arrived.

Anshii frowned, and stopped moving for a moment. "Early? What do you mean?"

"I'm only at thirty-seven weeks..." Then Utena was groaning in pain as her belly cramped horribly. Before Anshii could begin to panic all over again, they heard a knock at the door. Mystified, Anshii put on the chain and opened the door just a dash to look out, only to slam it and yank the chain off as quickly as she could upon realizing that the man at the door wore a stethoscope and was standing in front of a stretcher.

_'Maybe I didn't hear the sirens,' _she thought to herself as she opened the door wide and gestured for him to come in, barely listening as he said something in English that she couldn't understand – partially because English was suddenly the last thing on her priority list. Utena was already halfway to her feet by the time Anshii returned to her, but leaned on both the other girl and the paramedic as they helped her to the door.

"Don't forget the bag," Utena called as they helped her to sit and then lay on the stretcher. Anshii didn't answer – she was already back inside, snatching up the bag in question along with her own purse. Then she found Utena's keys, shut off the lights, and carefully locked the front door. By then Utena was strapped down and halfway to the ambulance. Anshii trotted to catch up, accepting a hand into the back once the stretcher was locked in place. As soon as the doors were closed, they started moving – without lights or sirens, much to the girl's surprise. And she couldn't even ask why.

Instead, she shifted on the uncomfortable bench seat and held Utena's hand tightly, glancing back and forth impatiently as the paramedic calmly took the pregnant girl's vital signs and asked her several questions. She brushed a bit of the taller girl's hair away from her face and made herself proud by not crying.

The ambulance brought them to the nearest hospital. Luckily for everyone involved, it was the right one. The hospital itself was a whirl of white tile and hospital-green walls that didn't move nearly fast enough for what both girls felt was a rather sizable emergency, but eventually they arrived in the maternity ward, the only people in a what appeared to be some kind of waiting area. Utena had been transferred to a wheelchair at some point. There, they waited a while longer, until a middle-aged nurse bustled in, holding a clipboard and a beige folder in one hand as she plucked a pen from her breast pocket.

"Alright then," she began, opening the folder, "We have one...I can't pronounce this, I'm sorry. Yu-tena..."

Anshii interrupted her as soon as she realized the woman was attempting to pronounce her prince's name, remembering only at the last second to invert the order of first and last name. "Utena Tenjou."

"Utena Tenjou," the nurse echoed, "Right then."

Another check of Utena's vital signs, and then a fresh round of questions, taking place around two contractions. Anshii was fairly certain that her nervous energy would melt her plastic chair any moment if all this ridiculousness didn't come to an end soon. _'How many questions are involved in having a baby, anyway?'_

"And last question. What's your doctor's name, hon?"

"Doctor Lipscomb," Utena responded, stumbling only a little over the doctor's name. The nurse nodded and made a quick notation, flipped pages back and forth, and finally hung the clipboard and the attached chart from the back of Utena's wheelchair.

"Doctor should be in shortly, she's already on hospital grounds so she should've been paged as soon as you came in. And your friend, dear? Is she family, or should I have someone show her to a waiting room?" By this point, Anshii was pretty much lost. She understood only the smallest bit of what was going on. But Utena shook her head.

"She is family. I like her to stay, please." The nurse nodded again, and then the door opened and a head popped in, a woman with short, very curly red hair and big black plastic glasses.

"Utena? Oh, there you are! Come on, come back to a proper room. Luckily, I'm free as a bird at this particular moment, although we'll see how free I am when those kids finally decide to leave!" She turned to call out down the hall, "Butch! Come on, can't you see she's about to pop?" It didn't take long for the door to open all the way and for a young blonde man in green scrubs to come through. Waving off the doctor with a grin, he handed her the chart before unlocking Utena's chair and wheeling her out, Anshii at his heels.

Doctor Lipscomb was busily looking over several sheets on her clipboard as they proceeded towards the private rooms, and so didn't notice that there was an extra person with them until they had nearly reached Utena's room.

"Oh? Who's this, Utena? A new friend?" Utena smiled and shook her head, brushing her bangs away from her damp forehead.

"No, she is old friend, from Japan." The doctor nodded and smiled and left it at that, bustling around the room with the cheerful efficiency of somebody's mother and ordering Butch around. The young man just smiled with long-suffering affection and did as he was told.

It didn't take long to get Utena installed in a room with Anshii in a chair right beside her bed. The doctor spoke with Utena for a few minutes, then left. Utena sighed again and leaned back into her pillows, then looked over at Anshii. She extended one hand slowly, and smiled as Anshii took it and squeezed it.

"She's worried." Utena told her in quiet Japanese. "If this is my real labour, it's coming prematurely."

Anshii frowned. "Real labour?"

"Yes. There's something called, um...Brax...uh, Braxta-Hick..." the word came hard to her and she stumbled over it several times before giving up, "Anyway, they're like fake labour cramps. But since my water broke, I'm pretty sure this is for real."

"And what did you mean by prematurely?"

"Oh, um. Technically, a full-term pregnancy is thirty-eight weeks. I'm only at thirty-seven. It doesn't sound like very much, I know, but it can really make a difference in whether babies are born healthy." She rubbed idly at the roundness of her belly, as if soothing the lingering cramps away.

"I suppose that's so. Do you really think there's danger?" Utena laughed softly and shook her head.

"I'm not really worried. I think that they'll both be okay."

They sat in silence for a moment before Anshii blinked, then frowned. "Wait...both? What do you mean, both? You're having more than one baby?"

Utena just laughed, "I knew you would react like that. Yes. I'm having twins, actually..." Anshii just sighed and lifted Utena's hand, gently kissing the back of it and smiling at the faint pink lipstick mark it left on her prince's skin.

"So, twins...do you know if they are identical or not?"

* * *

Utena's labour was suspiciously short – medically, anyway – when it finally started almost eight hours later, only about three hours from the first proper contractions to the time that was noted on the second baby's birth papers. To make up for the short time, it was intensely painful, and she screamed herself half raw before the medication kicked in properly. The doctor mumbled something about both babies trying to get out at the same time.

The first baby took about four pushes to get out completely, and the second suddenly learned enough manners to wait for the cord to be cut before demanding to be let out as well. It only took two pushes the second time around, and after that it wasn't long before it was all done with.

She felt the tears prick her eyes again as she looked down at the two wrinkled little brown faces and matching tufts of purple hair that were all she could see of the babies lying on her chest, the memory of labour pain fading just in time to be replaced by the pain of a baby's toothless but strong mouth latching onto the wrong spot. Luckily they got that sorted out quickly enough. She closed her eyes briefly, exhausted, and opened them again to watch as the hospital staff took the babies away to be cleaned up and placed in the nursery once they slept.

She laid back against the pillows, more than ready to sleep herself, and didn't even open her eyes when she heard the door open and close. A familiar presence filled the room, and she smiled tiredly.

"They're beautiful," Anshii said softly, sitting down on the edge of Utena's bed, "What will you name them?" The nurse came bustling back in then, clipboard in hand.

"Alright, Miss Tenjou. We have two very healthy baby girls, born at 1:32 and 1:47 am, five pounds and five pounds one ounce. Now we just need you to name them." Utena translated for Anshii, who covered a giggle with one hand.

Utena smiled, "Yes, I will name them now. Anshii," she addressed her friend in Japanese, "You can't look right now. I'll write them for you later." Anshii just smiled lightly and nodded, and Utena accepted the clipboard from the nurse. Reading over the forms quickly, she nodded to herself and quickly filled in the spots for names. Handing the clipboard back over, she held up one finger to her lips and smiled, "May I have piece of paper, please?"

The nurse quickly supplied her with the paper and a pen, and Utena gestured for Anshii to close her eyes. The purple-haired woman rolled her eyes but closed them anyway. She sat patiently for the moment it took Utena to write the names down, only moving again when Utena told her to open her eyes, then handed her the paper. Looking down at the two pairs of kanji on the page and the furigana above them, she blinked and looked up at Utena again.

"Nishiki and Nishiki. They have the same name?"

Utena blushed and nodded, "Well, yes, just written differently. And I thought we could call the younger one Nishi-ko. She came after her sister in time, so she'll come after her sister in the alphabet too!"

Anshii just smiled.

"They're wonderful names, although the readings are unusual," she said, patting Utena's hand. Utena blushed again and shrugged a little, neither of them noticing when the nurse quietly withdrew from the room.

"I wanted to give them special names, ones that they could be proud of."

"Well...I think that you succeeded." Utena blushed again, then leaned forward to wrap her arms around Anshii's waist, hiding her red face against her companion's belly.

"Anshii...I have something I want to ask you," she said, muffled, "Well, two somethings. I know it's kind of weird, but it's really important, so I don't mind if you want to take a while to think about it. Well, first...I want you to stay with me, and with the babies." Anshii rolled her eyes and curled one finger under Utena's chin, lifting the pink-haired girl's face until their eyes met.

"Of course I want to stay with you, Utena. I spent this long finding you, I'll never let you go again. But what else did you want?" Utena shifted uncomfortably and cast her eyes downwards, without letting go of Anshii's waist.

"Well...I never wanted to be anybody's mother, you should know that! I never thought of myself that way, and I don't think I'll do a good job. It's just not how I see myself. But I can't give up my babies. So I want to...well," She paused and took a deep breath before blurting out her request. "I want to be like a father to them, and I want you...I want you to be their mother."

END CH.2

Notes: Japanese characters generally have more than one possible pronunciation, or 'reading', and while some are more common and/or correct, it's possible to be rather flexible with the readings of characters used in names. Hence the 'unusual readings' of the childrens' names. Nishiki the elder is: 西('nishi', west) 杞('ki', river willow) and Nishiki the younger is: 弐 ('ni', a formal/legalese character for 2) 色 ('shiki', colour) The second character in each name is non-standard, as are the combinations used. The name Nishiko contains a mild wordplay: the 'shiki' character can also be read 'shiko.' 'Furigana' is phonetic notation that goes above uncommonly used kanji or those with alternate readings like names.


	3. Kaeru: To Return

Chapter Three

Written: 13 June 2005

Re-written: 08 August 2006

Edited: 18 July 2012

* * *

At first, Anshii couldn't say anything. "M-mother?" she finally stuttered, her eyes wide, "But..." Her hand fell away from Utena's face as the pink-haired girl sat up in her bed, looking up at her imploringly and with more than a touch of panic in her eyes.

"Please, Anshii. I can be a father to the twins, but being a mother...even though I carried them, I just don't feel like the kind of person who can be a mother. The things I loved about my mother, I don't have them. You do. Please?"

Anshii turned her head and looked down, her hair obscuring her face from view as her whole slim body began to quake with silent tears.

"It's . . . not that. It's . . . Utena, I don't even remember my own mother. I don't know if I _had _a mother! I can't cook. I don't know how to be a mother, what if I'm horrible?"

Utena reached up and gently tugged Anshii's hands away from her face, kissing away the tears from her cheeks and eyelids.

"It's okay. My mother told me, when I was very little, that she didn't know how to be a mother either. She told me, you can't take a class to be a mother. Cooking and cleaning doesn't make you a mother. You just have to love your baby and do your best."

Fresh tears spilled down Anshii's cheeks.

"I do love them. Despite...despite everything, I love them. No matter what, I'll think of them as my babies. But can you really give up being their mother?"

Utena smiled, somewhat shyly, and hugged Anshii tightly.

"I'm not giving up anything. I'm made to be a father, running and rough-housing and threatening to beat up the kids who pick on them. You...you feel like a mother to me at least. Can't you imagine them, running to when they've got a scraped knee, or a good grade, a new club, or a date?"

A look of wonder passed over her face, almost as if she herself was only just beginning to realize the enormity of this change in her life. She looked suddenly timid, "This is forever, Anshii. Children are forever. Do you want that? Forever with them, and with me?"

The dark-skinned girl nodded, bestowing a wet, sniffly smile upon her prince and trying to pat her eyes dry with the ends of her sleeves.

"Yes, I want that. With you, with them. Forever sounds perfect." Suddenly Utena burst out laughing, and Anshii blinked at her, confused. "Utena?"

Utena shook her head a little, sweat-soaked pink locks flying this way and that against the hospital bed, "I'm sorry. I was just thinking...we're basically still kids ourselves, despite everything. We won't even be out of school before they start." Anshii thought about that for a moment, then nodded thoughtfully.

"I suppose that is a little funny. But no matter what the numbers say, you and I are hardly children. Children could not have survived what we did, I think."

Utena smiled.

"You're right."

* * *

Later that night, as Utena lay in bed with Anshii in a chair right next to her, they found their fingers clasped together, resting in Utena's lap. Neither one of them spoke for a very long time, apparently reveling in the feeling of their fingers entwined in the darkness and silence of near-sleep for the first time since...well, since the last time, that last night in Akio's tower in their strange, end-to-end beds, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes until they slept.

"Utena...?" came Anshii's quiet voice, after a long period of contemplation.

"Mmm?" Utena replied, sounding faintly drowsy.

"Utena, did you ever get that power? The power of Dios?" The fingers holding hers tightened briefly, and Anshii lifted her head from where it rested on the edge of the bed to look up at Utena, who was in turn looking back at her. Pink bangs spilled forward to partially conceal those limpid blue eyes, and the smile on her face was gentle and a little sad.

"Yes."

Somehow, Anshii wasn't surprised. She hadn't stayed long, after Utena's disappearance, but even then she'd seen things beginning to change, seen chains unraveling from around her brother's captive duelists. A pair of twins walking side by side in peace, no music to come between them. A fierce young woman with blazing orange hair dueling with a petite butterfly of a girl, no pain on either face. Genuine friendship growing between two young men, where there had once been hate with a pretty veneer.

"And you used it, didn't you?" Utena nodded a little, smiling again and turning her gaze back up to the ceiling.

"Yes. Only once, when I first got it, to release people." She purposely left out what had happened in the aftermath of the duel. It would take too long to explain. "Akio," She flinched upon saying his name, as if it hurt, "He bound them, the duelists, to Ohtori with what he found in their minds and memories. He chained them. I wanted to...I tried to, to do it with a light touch, just cut a link here and there and let them escape on their own. The power was too much, though, like...like sailing through a typhoon. I could barely keep it from ripping me apart from the inside, much less use it for delicate work. I did what I could, maybe not as nicely as I'd hoped, but I got it done. I slipped a little, but I pulled it back into myself. That's how I erased myself from Ohtori accidentally."

"But...I remember you. I remember everything. I never forgot." Anshii's voice, even in a whisper, was clearly confused.

"Because you're part of the same power, I couldn't touch you, not even to free you. I'm so glad you were able to break your chains on your own, though. I missed you." She lifted Anshii's hand and kissed the knuckles softly. "I missed you so much."

Anshii blushed faintly in the darkness. "I missed you too. I think that's what saved me. I missed you so much, and one day I thought...I have this power too, why don't I use it? So I did, and then I came after you. But...do you think the others will ever remember you?"

"They will, don't worry. What I didn't know is that the power doesn't effect the entire world, it effects the world of the user. That's an important difference. At the time, Ohtori was my world and I was still chained to it, so my power only covered that place. As soon as they leave the school, they'll remember."

"And now? You're not chained to that place anymore?"

"No. My world got so much wider so fast, it's amazing. Dizzying. I've left Ohtori behind, grown out of it. I've seen new places, met new people. I have a new family now, you and the twins, and friends also. Hmm . . . speaking of friends. What happened to Chu-chu?"

Anshii blinked, startled. It had been a long time since she'd thought of her old friend. "He's gone, actually. When I left Ohtori, he vanished. I think it was because I didn't need him anymore." Utena nodded quietly. She hadn't known then, but through the power she'd discovered that the sweet little monkey, rather than being a real animal, was like a small . . . for lack of a better term, a small bubble of Anshii, her power and personality. The monkey-mouse was the Rose Bride's cache of true and positive feelings, held away from her where Akio couldn't touch it.

"You know..." mused Anshii softly, and Utena glanced at the dark-skinned girl from the corner of her eye, tracing the half-seen lines of her face in the gloom.

"What?"

"I think that when I was in Ohtori, when I had Chu-chu to embody my emotions - I don't think that I could have loved you as well, if we had stayed there. I was too . . . too blank, I suppose." Utena nodded quietly, understanding. The embrace of their hands tightened, and they slept.

* * *

Three days saw them returning to the apartment. Anshii carried both babies in a large bassinet, and Utena followed her, complaining that she wasn't allowed to do anything. Anshii ignored her.

"I at least want to carry them! Or even just one! I'm not totally helpless, you know!" Anshii slipped the key into the lock and opened the apartment again, leading the way inside before finally replying.

"I know that, Utena," her voice in her newfound lecture-tone, "But the doctor said that the chances of excessive bleeding are increased with the amount of physical labour you do, and after having twins you're already bleeding more than is normal."

"Quoting the doctor at me," Utena grumbled, "I shouldn't have translated for you. Then you'd let me do what I want."

"Probably!" The purple-haired girl replied cheerfully. "Come on, lay down and I'll give the twins to you. I think they're about ready for their dinner, anyway." The younger twin, identified only by the kanji that Anshii had sewn – with much heart, but little skill - onto her knit cap, started fussing and waving her tiny fists around blindly. Anshii reached down to soothe her, but she'd already hit her twin in the head, and shortly both infants were wide awake and fussing.

Utena chuckled softly as she lay down on the bed, relaxing back into the piles of pillows in front of the headboard and sighing happily despite her early protestations of fitness. Anshii smiled affectionately and hung the bassinet from the stand she'd set up the day before, then gently lifted the twins out one at a time, cooing to each of them. She cuddled the infant they were calling Nishiko to her chest, talking softly to her, as she waited for Utena to unbutton her shirt and open the clasps on the nursing bra. She started to hand the baby off, but stopped and frowned.

"Utena? What's wrong?" Blue eyes tilted up to meet hers, and the expression in them had soured considerably. Utena looked almost hopeless.

"I hate this, Anshii. I love them, but I hate this." She gestured vaguely to her body.

"What? What is it that you hate?" Anshii gently set Nishiko back in the bassinet, glad that the twins had mostly stopped fussing. She sat on the bed and wrapped one arm around her love, who looked about ready to break down into tears.

"Look at me! I'm fat, and I'm sore and these-" she gestured at her breasts, "They got bigger. I can't wear my normal clothes or my normal bras, and nobody ever tells you the crazy things birth does to your body. I'm miserable!" She leaned into Anshii and sighed, "I wish it would all stop." Anshii wrapped her arms around Utena and stroked her hair slowly, unsure of what to say. They were quiet for a few moments before Utena lifted her face again, and this time a small smile crept across her features.

"But . . . really, I love the twins with everything in me. I complain, I'll probably keep complaining, about all of this, and about being forced to rest even more, but I love them, and I love you. I'll try to remember that when I get upset that my stomach muscles have vanished and that I can't pass for a boy anymore." Anshii couldn't help it, she started giggling. She pressed one hand to her mouth, her eyes dancing with amusement.

"Utena, you...trust me, you were always too pretty to be a boy. As for the rest, as long as you promise to rest properly for the next week or two, I think it should be safe for you to exercise, and then I'm sure that you'll have your muscles back shortly. As for your breasts . . . well, I like them, but I seem to recall that they might shrink again, after the babies are weaned." Utena blushed and couldn't help but giggle as well, relaxing into Anshii's embrace comfortably.

"Only two weeks? The doctor said three or more, didn't she?"

Anshii tweaked her nose playfully. It was such an out-of-character move for the once-somber girl that Utena found herself smiling, as silly as any girl in love.

"Don't be silly. You know as well as I do that the power should speed up your healing. Really, I'll be surprised if it even takes an entire week for you to be up to exercising again." They shared a quiet smile, then spent a moment just relaxing with each other, soaking up the closeness just like they had done with every other moment of contact in the last few days. They had a long time to make up for.

But soon enough, the spell was broken by the increasingly loud noises made by a hungry newborn, and they separated once more.

"Are you ready this time?" Anshii asked, lifting a baby once more.

"Bring it on," Utena declared as she unclasped her bra, accepting both the baby and a kiss on the forehead from her lady. The baby set to nursing happily – something Utena was grateful for, as there had been no guarantee – and her little fists clenched as her mouth worked busily. Utena supported the infant carefully in her arms, and watched her nursing with an undisguised expression of adoration, stroking one silky cheek with a fingertip.

Anshii spared a moment to watch the two of them, her heart feeling over-full, before going to get the older Nishiki. Not wishing to favour one baby over the other, she cradled the other little girl in her arms, rocking her back and forth soothingly and talking quietly to her while her sister nursed. It was only a few moments until Nishiko was done nursing, and then they switched babies, Nishiko being held and talked to while Nishiki ate with equal gusto.

The twins were blissfully asleep in short order, so Anshii placed the children back in the bassinet and covered them up, then sat on the edge of the bed slowly pushing it, singing to them as best she could while Utena watched fondly, until all that came from the bassinet were tiny infant breaths. Anshii then returned to her prince's side and sat beside her.

It was a sort of unspoken agreement that they would be together from now on. What was neither spoken nor unspoken were the exact living arrangements. After a brief nap of their own and after turning on the baby monitors, Utena was allowed out of bed just long enough to demonstrate her new domestic skills by preparing them a light dinner. Anshii smiled and praised her efforts, and they sat down to eat. They ate in silence for several minutes, until Anshii brought it up.

"Um, Utena...how much do you really like this apartment?" Her tone was casual, as if the answer really didn't concern her very much.

Utena shrugged, answering between bites of her salad. "I don't know. It's a roof, right? And it's alright, I guess. Why?"

Anshii shifted uncomfortably, toying with her fork slightly, "Well, because I was wondering if you would like to move into a house instead. I know you want to be careful with your trust, but I have...well, without going into details, I live comfortably. I only just arrived in America so I don't have a place to stay yet, but I was thinking of trying to find a home near here and-" She was babbling by then, talking just a bit too fast, but a look from Utena cut her off, and she blushed. "Um, I mean that is if you want to. If you like it here, I would be glad to stay..."

Utena set down her fork and looked thoughtful for a moment, while Anshii squirmed a little in her seat. After a moment, the pink-haired girl frowned. "Hmm...does it have to be here? Could we move to a different area?" Anshii blinked, then smiled and resumed eating.

"Of course, Utena. We can move anywhere that you want to."

"How about back to Japan?"

END CH. 3


	4. Omoidasu: To Remember

Chapter Four

Re-written: 15 August 2006

Edited: 07 October 2012

* * *

Anshii had ambivalent feelings about the dark. On one hand, the night was so peaceful, so calm and pure and...silky. On the other, in the artificial night-dark of the planetarium was where her brother had taken off her glasses and...but that didn't bear thinking about, not anymore. She'd escaped him and now she could lay in the dark, seeing the real stars through the window, feeling the warmth of another body and hearing the slow, steady movement of air that was her champion's sweet breath.

She looked down at Utena's slumbering form, her face so delicate and child-like in the dark. Like this, in the unguarded moments of the night, she could imagine that none of it had happened. That if she were to embrace Utena, she wouldn't feel the scar. That if those eyes were to open right then, they would be as bright, naive, and pure as they used to be. But one of the twins chose that moment to make a little noise in her sleep, and Anshii knew that nothing could be taken back. Honestly, she wasn't sure if she would want to, anyway.

She decided that she liked the natural darkness, the kind that came after the sun had finished its daily journey, the kind speckled with stars that twinkled and moved so slowly that it was impossible to see them doing it, because they moved with the seasons and not at her brother's bidding.

That train of thought having come to completion, she lay quietly, staring up at the swirls of plaster on the ceiling, and wondered to herself why she wasn't asleep.

After several moments of contemplation, she frowned. Oh. That.

She'd had a dream, and the thing keeping her awake was simple confusion as to _why_ she'd dreamed what she had.

* * *

_She placed her glasses on her brother's desk and left the office, ignoring his increasingly desperate pleas with the same emotionless mask she used to ignore desperate duelists' calls. She had seen a lot of desperate people. Even Utena had been desperate, once, when Touga defeated her. Anshii wandered, then, her mind full of visions of the pink-haired prince she'd decided to seek out._

_Suddenly she looked up and realized that her feet had brought her to her bedroom. She stared at the door contemplatively for a moment. Bedrooms were usually considered to be private places, belonging only to the people who lived there. Anshii had no such beliefs. Everything in this school, every single stone in every wall, every room and all the people, too, they all belonged to her brother. And mostly, she thought, they were happy enough to remain that way because they didn't know any better. Some people did best without real responsibility._

_Anshii didn't like most of the students very much. They were tools like her, but too stupid and self-centered to know it._

_She reached for the doorknob, then stopped, staring at her hand as if she'd never seen it before. She turned her hand over, flexing it experimentally, then in wonder. It was her hand, her limb. If she told it to reach out and turn the knob, it would do so. If she told it to...to..._

_To stab Utena in the back._

_Now she stared at the hand in horror. This hand had held the sword that she pushed into Utena's back. She held up the other hand. This one had held her shoulder as she slumped to the ground, her strength failing after the steel pierced her slim body. Her own stomach cramped, now, as if in sympathy for the wound she'd inflicted on her prince, and she wheezed with the pain._

_There was something wet on her cheek, and without thinking about it, one of her hands went up to wipe it away. A drop of moisture wet her knuckle, and she stared at it. A tear. She'd cried before, she was sure she had, but she'd never felt it this way. She'd never felt things like this, like this tightening of her chest that she distantly identified as guilt mingled with regret and something else, something that it took her several moments to identify._

_She'd known, in the abstract way that she knew most things about herself, that she loved Utena. Strange, that. Knowing what would happen if Utena made it to the final duel, Anshii had worked hard to distance herself from the other girl, so much so that she hadn't realized what she'd felt until the night she'd had Utena deliver the roses to her brother. She'd stood in front of the window for hours, staring at the stars and the ferris wheel and letting the tears make tracks down her face, knowing in the deepest part of her what was happening at that very moment._

_She'd felt something snap inside of her at the same time as she just knew, in the way that only she could know, that her pure, perfect Prince Utena...wasn't. Not anymore. And that was her fault too._

_She stood outside her room for a long time before finally going inside, her every nerve end feeling unbelievably sensitive. Everything was so...so sharp, so clear and defined and real, for once in her life. The sensations, once dulled and now so immediate, nearly overwhelmed her. Her skin felt almost too small to hold everything swelling up inside of her, but somehow the pliant organ held and she stayed in one piece._

_She wandered the room in a daze, only vaguely aware of the suitcase sitting open on her bed, more concerned with touching all the old familiar things with these new extended senses, with re-experiencing everything that she'd known before. She opened drawers that she knew, logically, had always been there, but whose contents she could not recall ever seeing. There were clothes in there, clothes of different cuts and colours and styles. Casual clothes: t-shirts, jeans. Underclothes that weren't plain, serviceable white._

_She opened the closet, and there was more of it. Clothes in colours she had never worn, in cuts and styles she'd never dreamed of. Skirts, blouses, dresses. Pants. Scarves and hats and shoes. Almost without her knowledge, things began placing themselves in the suitcase with the meticulous neatness she had always used._

_She stopped suddenly, looking at the neatly arranged things in the suitcase, and frowned. She didn't like it. Stepping forward, she reached and moved things around, messed things up, until nothing looked the same. Much better. Not so perfect._

_She picked up oldest and most familiar thing in the room then. It was a package of hairpins, pins that had been on her dresser just so for as long as she could remember. There were twelve pins missing, she knew that. Eleven in her hair and one that Chu-chu had carried off . . . sometime in the past._

_Her hands moved deftly, and then there were ten pins missing. Nine. Eight, seven, six. Eventually just one. It wasn't perfect, and Anshii smiled. She liked it that way. There, beside the pins was her hairbrush. She used it to brush her hair out, looking into a mirror that she didn't remember having. But something was off. She stared into the mirror for a long time before realizing what it was. Her hair, this way. It didn't match her clothing, the same school uniform she'd worn for as long as she could recall, except when performing her duties as the Rose Bride._

_Or in her brother's planetarium, but she avoided that thought._

_It didn't take long for the uniform to hit the floor, where she left it, her lips tightening in a small, defiant smile. She stood nude for a minute, trying to think of what they'd all seen in her small, thin body. She touched her own stomach lightly, and the skin there was soft and smooth, the same rich milk-chocolate colour as the rest of her. She'd have stood there longer, but her newly-sensitized skin felt the chill in the room._

_Opening drawers, she found the one containing all those new undergarments again, and with a thrill of pleasure slipped into a satiny-soft, slightly shiny powder blue bra and panty set. Then to the closet, where she browsed for a moment before picking an outfit that would remind her of what she sought. A pink skirt – she'd always preferred skirts – and a white blouse, over which went a pink jacket. A pair of white shoes caught her eye, so she slipped them on. Just as she was about to turn away, one last thing made her smile. A small hat. She picked it up and turned it over and over in her hands, then carelessly placed it atop her hair. Looking at her reflection, she smiled, experimentally._

_She liked it. The smile, and the outfit. She closed the suitcase and latched it, then picked it up, hefting it experimentally. She might have to carry it a long way. It was light enough, so she took it up and left the now-bare room, only the crumpled uniform and the package of hairpins to mark her existence. She never looked back._

* * *

Back in the bedroom that she shared with Utena, Anshii rolled over onto her side and traced the lines of Utena's face with one fingertip, as if trying to memorize them. It was pointless, of course, since she'd long since imprinted every shape of the expressive young face into her mind. She knew every expression that had ever graced her prince's face.

She touched the skin between Utena's eyebrows lightly, recalling the little furrow that appeared there whenever the girl was puzzled, upset, or just thinking, and smiled as an image of Utena's face scrunched up in concentration appeared in her mind's eye.

Suddenly she had to fight to keep a giggle from escaping. Utena's nose had wrinkled in her sleep, and she made a little face, unconsciously taking a lazy swat at whatever was tickling her face. Anshii took her hand away, not wanting to wake Utena when she so needed her sleep. When the baby sleeps, you sleep – this advice came courtesy of the ever-effervescent Dr. Lipscomb.

Instead, she slipped out of the bed and, wrapped in a warm robe, went to stand on the tiny screened-in porch – more of a screened-in box, really – that was a part of Utena's apartment, staring up at the stars. She let her thoughts wander as they would, and smiled wryly to herself as they came to a place that she should have expected. Utena _was_ incredibly attractive, after all, and Anshii wasn't dead anymore. Her expression turned into a frown quickly, though. She knew her feelings were her own, but Utena didn't.

Leaning against the wall, she bit her lip, then sighed. She could and would put it off until Utena had sufficiently recovered from giving birth, at the very least. That would give her plenty of time to think – and more time to wonder what it could be like, done with real feeling. But that was a dangerous line of thought, and she turned away from it.

Running her fingers through her hair, she began pacing the porch, three steps each way, trying to simultaneously think of ways to express herself to Utena and to not think about what she wanted to happen. She sighed with frustration, annoyed with the inconvenient timing and intensity of her first feelings of physical attraction to anyone.

"What is wrong with me? Why can't I be happy just to be with her, to have our family and our home? Why do I have to start wanting her like this? I never wanted _anyone_ before," she mumbled to herself, "She won't believe that I want _her_ now. _I_ can barely believe that I do! And how can I even tell her?"

Utena had always been oblivious to anyone's interest in her, almost to the point of deliberate blindness. It would take, Anshii thought, sitting the pink-haired girl down and spelling out in graphic detail what she wanted to do before the dense young woman understood. And that, she decided, was exactly what she would do. After some thinking and possibly a little research, because even Anshii didn't really know what would be involved in indulging this sudden need.

Carefully climbing back into bed, she dropped off to sleep with a smile on her face, and had no more confusing dreams. Dreams, yes. But these dreams had nothing to do with Ohtori, and quite a lot to do with a certain princely young woman, a soft bed, and many vague imaginings of what would go on there.

* * *

Utena was awakened shortly after Anshii returned to sleep, by the tiny, barely audible sounds of fussing infants. With a tortured sigh, she climbed out of bed and scooped up the noisier of the two children. As she changed and then fed the new additions, she looked up at the stars with a faint sense of nostalgia.

She smiled to remember her first breath of air outside of Ohtori. It was fresh and clean, devoid of the smell of roses which had always hung like a fog over the school. She'd been immersed in it for so long that she'd ceased even to notice it. After that, things had been...interesting, to say the least.

She'd gone to her aunt and, in turn, to her mother's family. She'd never met most of them, a deliberate move on the part of her parents and one that had been faithfully continued after she'd been taken in by her aunt. Having met a handful of them, she could see why. Real estate moguls and landlords abounded, throwing money irreverently here and there without a care in the world. They'd rejected her mother for marrying her father, but they'd looked after her only child well enough. It wouldn't do for a Tokyo Tenjou to seem a peasant.

It was also during this time that, following a week of daily post-breakfast retchings, a home pregnancy test proved Dios right. Her first thought had been, as it is for many young women who find themselves unexpectedly pregnant, an abortion. Her mother's family had concurred. After two agonizing weeks of weighing pros and cons, then flushing them in favour of purely emotional responses, she had decided to raise the population of unmarried teenaged mothers by one. Suddenly, every previously resistant member of her extended family agreed with her decision to move abroad and, _how_ she didn't want to know, had found her a school to attend.

America had seemed like a good idea at the time, an exotic and almost anarchic place where anything was possible if you tried hard enough. An eternity of being stared at, insulted, and snubbed at her new school, despite not being the only pregnant girl there, had cured her of that notion quite thoroughly. English was also, to her consternation, the hardest thing she'd ever studied in her life. It was enough to make her willing to return even to her unforgiving family. With Anshii now in her life, though, it seemed she wouldn't have to.

As soon as both babies were clean, fed, and nodding off once more, Utena climbed back into bed, sighing happily as she wrapped herself around the warm body already under the covers. January, even in Los Angeles, was still chilly.

And so she returned to sleep, with no inkling of what her Bride was dreaming.

END CH. 4


	5. Sawaru: To Touch

Chapter Five

Written: 12 July 2005

Re-written: 22 August 2006

Re-re-written: 14 June 2007

(Last time, I swear) Edited: 18 July 2012

(Why is this so hard) Edited: 07 October 2012

* * *

The next day dawned bright and clear, and as usual Anshii was awake before Utena. The pink-haired girl sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes slowly, vowing to herself that one day, she _was _going to wake up before Anshii. Not that she really thought she could do it, but she wanted to remind herself that she had to try.

Just as Utena was contemplating getting out of bed to do something about the mess she'd made of her hair during the night, the door opened and Anshii's cheerful face poked in. Utena thought she looked far too cheerful for the ungodly hour of seven AM.

"Good morning, Utena! You should hurry and take care of the twins, breakfast is almost ready!" She ducked out of the room, then almost immediately back in, "And I promise it won't switch our bodies." And of course, at that precise moment the twins began fussing. Utena laughed tiredly and climbed out of bed, yawning one last time for good measure. Anshii smiled fondly at her champion, then some timer went off in the kitchen, prompting her to retreat hurriedly.

Utena made her way to the bassinet, scooping up the nearest twin and soothing her gently as she unbuttoned the little fleece pajamas, blue ones that marked this twin as Nishiki. She lay the baby down on the changing table, then made a face as she opened the diaper.

"Wow, Ki-chan. This is what you get for drinking so much last night!" Laughing, she changed the baby's diaper with minimal fuss and almost no mess – a personal best – then set her back in the bassinet and retrieved her twin in the pale purple pajamas and changed her as well. Nishiko was fussing a bit more than her sister, so Utena was quick about unbuttoning her own pajama top and letting the baby nurse.

As she finished feeding Nishiko, Anshii came and poked her head into the room again, smiling at the gentle look on Utena's face as she coaxed the now-sleepy infant to let go so her sister could have breakfast. Stepping into the room, Anshii took the contented infant and casually planted a kiss on a stunned Utena's lips before sauntering out of the room, inwardly congratulating herself. Her hands had barely shaken.

Back in the living area, Anshii set the happily gurgling baby in a little swing-chair and pushed her slowly as she began to serve up breakfast for her and Utena, laughing to herself all the while. The look on Utena's face! Perhaps, just perhaps, it would be possible to get her point across without needing to resort to pure bluntness. Touching her fist to her forehead, she reminded herself that nothing serious was supposed to happen until Utena had healed. The doctor, with much patience and a little uncomfortable pantomime, had made that clear to the green-eyed girl.

_'Still, I'd love to see the look on her face as I tell her "Utena, I would like very much to have sex with you." She'd die!'_

She was wearing a white linen button-up blouse with the sleeves rolled halfway up, and after setting the rice bowls on the table, she reached up and undid the top three buttons and folded the collar back so that the a small sliver of her green silk bra was visible. Then she finished setting the table and gave Nishiko a little kiss on the head before carrying herself and her cleavage back to the bedroom, gratified to see blue eyes riveted on the revealed flesh. She smiled sweetly.

"Breakfast is ready, Utena. Come and eat before it gets cold, alright?" And then she ducked back out of the room, shutting the door behind her. She wondered if Utena might be getting the point. She had almost been looking forward to describing – in great detail – what she'd like to do to and with her Prince.

'I think I might be a pervert,' she thought sadly.

* * *

Utena sat very still for several minutes, trying to explain to her suddenly raging hormones why it was, exactly, that she was most certainly _not_ going to ravish Anshii. The reasons were legion! First and foremost, she couldn't be absolutely certain that Anshii wasn't still bound in some way to her role of Rose Bride, and she couldn't bring herself to take advantage of that, even in the slightest. She already felt bad about having Anshii cooking breakfast – in more ways than one. She would never, ever eat Anshii's curry again. Ever. She had hopes for breakfast, but hadn't ruled out going out for American food, although she'd discovered it wasn't often to her tastes.

Picking up Nishiki with a shake of her head, she kissed the girl on the forehead and carried her out into the living room, setting her in the swing-chair with her sister before sitting down to breakfast herself. Picking up her chopsticks, she concentrated on not blushing every single time she so much as glanced at Anshii and all that exposed cleavage.

Breakfast was a little tense, as Utena strove to act normal and Anshii strove to make her blush. Still, they got through it without any major problems, and after the meal was over, things broke up quickly. Anshii stacked up the plates and bowls and carried them into the kitchen to wash, and Utena pushed the twins in their swing, singing softly to them, though they were already half-asleep.

In the kitchen, Anshii was up to her elbows in warm, soapy water, scrubbing the breakfast dishes and plotting at the same time. Picking up the big frying pan she used to cook the dried fish, she was washing and plotting how best to go about the next phase of her plans. So absorbed was she in her plotting, she didn't notice when Utena left the sleeping twins and entered the kitchen. Well, not until the pink-haired girl spoke.

"Anshii," Utena began, and Anshii jumped. She dropped the pan right back into the full sink with a yelp, and then gasped as the action sent a wave of soapy water over her. Her cream-coloured blouse was soaked through and instantly turned translucent, and her light bra didn't fare much better. Within an instant of Utena speaking, Anshii was standing there, all but topless and dripping wet. Had she noticed Utena's eyes riveted to her chest, she might have lingered for a moment, but instead she fled for the bedroom with a blush burning hotly on her cheeks.

* * *

Still in the kitchen, Utena blinked stupidly. She'd been intending to compliment Anshii on her outfit, but as soon as she had spoken the other girl's name chaos had erupted, and now she was standing alone in the kitchen, water seeping into her socks, wondering what exactly had happened.

It took her a moment to gather her wits about her, and then she headed for the bedroom, hoping that Anshii hadn't been burned by the hot water splashing on her. Without thinking, she opened the door and stepped into the room, to find Anshii standing in front of the dresser wearing nothing but a blue bra and panty set. She nearly swallowed her tongue, though Anshii wasn't even paying attention to her.

Leaning against the door frame, she unconsciously decided to cover her embarrassment with a joke. "You couldn't stand to have a set that didn't match, huh?" she asked, laughing. Unfortunately, Anshii took her a bit too seriously.

"No, I couldn't," she replied, looking annoyed, "I like to wear the sets. Besides, it's your fault that I had to change. You were the one who startled me!" Utena looked taken aback, but Anshii refused to feel bad. Not only was her plan failing and her newly-discovered competitive spirit taking a beating, but Utena was standing there, looking at her in her underwear, and didn't seem affected at all. She felt like throwing things and like crying all at once, and decided to take it out on Utena. "You startle me and made me drop the pan, then walk in on me changing and decide to tease me for what I like to wear? Just leave me alone!"

She turned her back on Utena, feeling tears welling up, and opened and closed drawers angrily, trying to find something else to wear. The first frustrated tears had just slipped out from the corners of her eyes when she felt a warm, intimately familiar presence just behind her, then gentle touches on her hands. Drawers were opened for her and an outfit taken out, while she stood there and cried.

Setting the clothes on top of the dresser, Utena gently turned Anshii around, noting, somewhat guiltily, the tears tracking down her cheeks. Enveloping the slim figure in a comforting hug, she spoke softly.

"I'm sorry, Anshii. I wasn't trying to be mean, I was just teasing, honest."

For a moment, Anshii stood very still, then she just gave up and leaned into her champion, throwing her arms around the taller girl's neck, and cried into her shoulder, talking between sobs. "You don't think I'm pretty, do you? You love me, but you don't want to be with me!"

Once again, Utena was startled. Gently lifting Anshii's chin, she looked down into those teary green eyes before lowering her head and gently kissing her tears away. "I do think you're pretty. I think you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen, and I do want to be with you. I really do. I just-"

"Don't!"

"I- don't what?" Utena looked startled at Anshii's vehement interruption.

"Don't say that you're afraid I only want you because I still think I'm the Rose Bride. I'm not! I'm not any of that anymore, I'm not him, I'm not his, I'm just a girl who loves another girl and wants _so much _to be with that girl that it _hurts_." A new flood of tears spilled down her cheeks, leaving Utena feeling guilty.

"I...well, I...Maybe I did think that. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed things. You're right. We're out of that place and those old roles don't fit anymore. I'm not anyone's Prince, anymore. I'm just...well, I'm just a girl who loves another girl too. And I do want to be with you."

Green eyes looked back up into hers searchingly, as if trying to be sure that Utena was telling the truth. After a few moments, Anshii's lips curled up in a watery smile. "Really?" she asked, almost as if she expected to be rejected.

"Really." Answered Utena, and lowered her head again, her lips finding the soft ones below her. Anshii's lips tasted like salted grapefruit, evidence of her tears. Utena had intended it to be a brief kiss of reassurance, but the dusky-skinned girl was having none of that. One hand went to the back of her head, and Anshii hung on, her mouth moving against Utena's, desperate for this kind of confirmation.

Utena was willing enough. They stood that way for several moment, alternating between kisses and simply standing close, their foreheads together and their breath mingling lightly as they soaked in each other. At some point, their kisses escalated from simple comfort and assurance to demanding, almost bruising, passion. They began to inch back towards the bed, eventually tumbling back onto the soft mattress together.

It was a rewarding morning for all those involved.

"Waaaaah!"

"It's your turn."

"But- ow! Okay, okay, I'm going!"

Well, mostly.

END CH. 5


	6. Sodatsu: To Raise

Chapter Six

Written: 26 August 2005

Re-written: 14 June 2007

Edited: 22 July 2012

* * *

Three years later

There was a loud, high-pitched shriek from the center of a small apartment complex in Shibuya-ku, Tokyo. The complex was fairly unremarkable at first glance, a U-shaped modern building of red-and-grey stone with a small, tree-filled courtyard in the middle and a decorative stone wall and gate closing the U. The unusual part was the two-storied landlord's cottage, set in the courtyard just behind the gate and the tiny parking area there. It was done in a very traditional Japanese style, at least on the outside, from wooden walls to tiled roof, with a small dojo tacked onto one side. The occupants of said cottage were all female, two seventeen-year-old girls and two three-year-olds. One of the latter was responsible for the shriek.

"No no no! Don't wanna!" Anshii calmly trailed behind her screaming elder daughter as the child scooted clumsily down the stairs on her bottom, still holding the little red vest that would complete the child's outfit. Nishiki had taken exception to it, and had run from the bedroom she shared with her sister in fury.

"Ki-chan," she called when the girl had finally reached the ground floor and sat there, fuming, "Ko-chan will be so upset if you don't match. Won't you put on your vest for her?" A moment of quiet waiting while the three-year-old thought this over did the trick: she stood up and allowed her mother to put the vest on her, and then even submitted to having her hair brushed and braided.

"So cute!"

And, aside from a belligerent scowl, she was. Her thick purple hair, which had only ever been trimmed a bit here and there, was tied back in a neat braid that hung down between her shoulder blades, a few strands escaping around her ears. She wore a short-sleeved white shirt with a red vest over it, and a tiny pair of neat black shorts. Her feet were currently covered with white socks, in blue house slippers, but she had a pair of black buckle shoes waiting by the door.

Anshii adjusted the vest a little, then looked up just in time to see Utena, in her school uniform, carrying a giggling Nishiko down from the upstairs bedrooms. The other little girl wore a copy of her sister's clothing, but with a skirt instead, and pink house slippers. Anshii smiled and shook her head a little, then stood up.

"Utena, I've told you to let her walk. She is capable of managing the stairs, you know." Utena laughed.

"I know. It's just painful to watch and besides, I like carrying her."

The pink-haired young woman set her daughter down at the foot of the stairs, where she immediately dashed towards her sister and all but pounced on her, undoing all of Anshii's work at neatening her clothes.

"Yay! School!" the girl squealed, hanging off of her twin and smiling brightly. Nishiki was able to maintain her belligerent look for another few seconds, but it eventually caved in under the force of her twin's excitement, and hugged her back. They stayed that way until Anshii clapped her hands.

"Alright! It's time to leave! Shi-chan(1)," she addressed the twins, "Daddy and I will drop you off at kindergarten, alright? We will come get you this afternoon also, so wait inside." The twins nodded, one solemn, the other cheerful, and Anshii reminded herself to remind the girls' teacher. The twins would never remember.

"Get your bags and let's go! Mommy and Daddy have a longer walk to school than Shi-chan, so let's hurry!" said Utena, picking up her briefcase and Anshii's, while the dark-skinned girl helped the twins on with the myriad of bags that the school demanded they have, checking that each one held its proper contents in the process, then sat them down on the entry step to put their shoes on. Slipping her feet into her own shoes, she took Nishiki's hand, while Utena took Nishiko's, and they headed out.

There were few things that the two young women pampered themselves on. Even the twins' stylish little clothes were largely secondhand or homemade, Anshii having developed real skill with needle and thread – among other so-called 'motherly' skills – during the year they stayed out of school, caring for the babies. The first extravagance was school – the twins' kindergarten was not known for being inexpensive, but the quality of their education could not be denied. The second was the taxi driver that picked them up each morning and delivered the twins to school. Since neither girl could drive and the walk to the kindergarten was entirely too far for a pair of overburdened toddlers, they had decided the expense was worth it.

And so, when they walked out of the house, there sat an old taxi sedan with a matching middle-aged man in the driver's seat. Utena and Anshii each helped one of the girls into the car, then climbed in themselves, waiting for a moment before the engine started and they pulled away.

The drive to school was swift and unremarkable, the twins having attended the same school and been driven there by the same taxi company since they were less than two years old . Pulling up to the famous Yoyogi International School(2), they all piled out of the car and joined hands, with the twins in the middle and their parents on the ends, as much holding their hands as helping them keep their arms up with all their bags. Nishiki had retreated into pouting again, but walked along willingly enough between her sister and 'father'.

Utena refused to look at the other parents delivering their children at the same time. She already knew what she'd see. She and Anshii were definitely the youngest parents and the only same sex couple, and she couldn't help notice that the other children were dressed very differently than the twins. Well, it wasn't their concern what she did with her life, so she steeled her resolve as she had for the past two years, lifting her head and walking along with confidence, taking reassurance in the little hand in hers.

They delivered the twins to their teachers, and watched as they ran off to join the other children. Stopping a moment to chat with the teacher, they ignored the parents giving them curious and occasionally dirty looks.

"The twins are a bit different, aren't they?" Anshii smiled at the teacher, as if making conversation, polite as could be, "But they enjoyed their time in Penguins and Little Penguins," the class names for younger children, "Wouldn't it be nice..." She trailed off deliberately, smiling. The teacher, a pretty young foreign woman, smiled back and addressed them in very good Japanese.

"Don't worry! Kindergarten is all about learning to cooperate and to make friends, isn't it? We teach the children to be smiling and polite." They chatted for a bit longer, then Utena checked the time on her phone and spoke up at last.

"Anshii..." she said, and the other girl broke off in mid-sentence to look up at her.

"Yes, Utena?"

"We need to go. We're going to be late." Anshii frowned a little. Utena's tone was even and calm, but her eyes betrayed her discomfort, so Anshii just nodded slightly and made her apologies to the teacher, giving Utena's hand a comforting squeeze.

"I'm sorry, we must be going. Please take good care of the children." They bowed and the teacher responded in kind.

"Of course. You're such a responsible big sister, aren't you," she asked, innocently, and Utena choked. Anshii gave a delicate giggle behind her hand and shook her head.

"Oh, I'm afraid you've misunderstood. They aren't my little sisters, the twins are our children. Utena is my husband." And they turned and left, leaving three shocked teachers behind, as well as at least twice that many startled parents who had heard their answer.

As they moved out of hearing from the school, Utena burst out laughing, her earlier discomfort forgotten. "I can't believe you actually said that! Bold as can be, 'Utena is my husband.' Ha! That'll give them something to talk about, won't it?" Anshii giggled and shrugged a little, and then they fell silent as they walked quickly towards their own school, trying to make up for lost time.

It didn't take long for Utena's cheerful mood to evaporate once they were on their way, though. "Is it really a good idea to send them to that school? Wouldn't a regular Japanese kindergarten be better?"

Anshii turned to look at her lover as she walked. "We talked about this, Utena. That school will be good for them. We can't teach them any more English than they already know, and with good English they can do anything. Don't worry," she added, squeezing Utena's hand, "They'll be fine. I'm sure we'll pick them up and they'll be full of stories about their first day in Seals class."

Utena looked down at Anshii's hand on hers, and couldn't help but feel a fresh surge of affection for the other girl. Glancing to make sure nobody was looking and would raise a fuss, she brought the hand to her lips, kissed it gently, and smiled. "Alright, if you really think so. I'll leave it alone and worry about my own work instead."

They walked in contented silence for the rest of the twenty-minute trip, holding hands and stealing glances like the pair of young lovers they were. It was with a jar that they drew up to the gates of Shibuya High School. They sighed, and Utena tugged Anshii out of the flow of students and into a small nook formed by some shrubs, then kissed her softly.

"That'll have to hold me for the rest of the day."

Anshii just laughed as she stepped out after her prince and they set off for the main entrance. "You say that every day, but we always meet during lunch."

Utena shrugged, "I have to be sure. If I tell myself that I won't get to kiss you again until the end of the day, then the kisses at lunch are that much better, and if I don't see you during lunch, I'm not disappointed." By then, they had entered the building. They slipped on their indoor shoes in companionable silence, then Utena handed Anshii her briefcase before turning and heading off towards her classroom. "Bye!"

Anshii watched her go until a bend in the corridor hid her from view, then turned and went the opposite direction, towards her class, idly wondering if the twins would come here someday, and if Nishiki would wear shorts under her skirt like her father did. She would discuss it with Utena later. It was never too early to think about the future, especially with the girls getting such a good start in English. She imagined sending the girls to KAIS (3) and shook her head, aware that she was getting ahead of herself by about a decade. First she had to get the twins through preschool and into elementary, while finishing high school herself.

She thought briefly about university, but she had long since given that up as a pipe dream. She doubted that they would be able to juggle that and raising the twins properly, putting them through good schools. She was more than willing to sacrifice the schooling for the children, at least until they were old enough to get to and from school by themselves. As she slid the door open to her classroom, she couldn't help but chuckle. In three years, her world had been turned upside down, and she couldn't have been more their mother had she borne them herself. It was a bit startling, sometimes.

"Himemiya-san, Himemiya-san!" A mousy-looking girl with short, pale brown hair came flying up to her and nearly skidded as she came to an abrupt halt, "Guess what?"

Anshii tilted her head to one side, regarding the most unlikely-looking school gossip, Yamakawa Chie, with all the diplomacy and patience she had. "Yes, Yamakawa-san?"

"You wouldn't believe who Higetsu-san saw kissing this morning!"

_Oh, no. _Anshii's breath caught in her throat. _They caught us. We're going to get kicked out of school._

END CH. 6

1: Shi-chan is a nickname for the twins collectively, based on the first syllable of their names. 'Ni' is 'two', and two plus two is four, or 'shi'. Individually, they're called Ki-chan and Ko-chan, for obvious reasons.

2: Yoyogi International School is a real kindergarten (preschool in the US), primarily for the children of foreigners. It accepts children 18 months to 5 years for all-day programs, operates mainly in English, and backs up against Yoyogi Park, where most of their activities take place.

3: KAIS is a very prestigious, very expensive, international school in Shinagawa-ku, Tokyo.


	7. Hajimaru: To Begin

Chapter Seven

Written: 11 September 2005

Re-written: 14 June 2007

Edited: 22 July 2012

* * *

"I'm Kayti. What's your name?"

The twins were sitting side by side at one of the tables in their classroom, waiting for the last of their classmates to sit, when a little girl sat down across from them and introduced herself as if she was taking prisoners. She was tall for her age, and pale, with arrow-straight white hair that was loose around her shoulders. Her eyes were ice blue, but her manner was warm, if a bit pushy.

Nishiki was busy being grumpy about going to school, so Nishiko decided to talk enough for the both of them.

"Hi!" she said cheerfully, then introduced herself and her twin with their English names. "My name is Nicole. Her name is Nicola. We're twins!"

Kayti giggled, "Wow," and probably would have gone on, but the other children had finally made it to the tables, and shortly afterwards the teacher called everyone to attention. She was the same young woman that Anshii had spoken to earlier, but speaking in English now.

"Good morning," she called to her eight students, and with that class began.

Since it was only the first day of school, there were lots of papers and things to take home, lots of introductions and getting to know their classmates and their teacher, and much playtime between short 'lessons' meant to develop motor skills and cooperation, among other things. Nishiko was a bit grumpy at having been separated from her twin for the duration, but was having a grand time trying to assemble a foam puzzle, aided by one other girl and two boys. At three years old, their conversation skills were limited – Nishiko's more than the others', like any bilingual child. Still, they managed to work together without too much fighting.

Nishiki wasn't faring even that well – her group had a similar puzzle to put together, but one of the boys kept trying to smash together pieces that wouldn't fit, hammering on them with his fist as Nishiki and the other two children tried to do it properly. Finally the purple-haired girl had had enough, and yelled at him to stop it. He ignored her and kept smashing, which was what started the shoving, which was what ended in tears all around, after he shoved her into another student, who landed on his bottom and started wailing.

It was an eventful first day back at school.

* * *

In the meantime, Anshii was getting over her heart attack at her own school. Chie had gone on to tell her about how her friend had supposedly seen two of their teachers, Yamaguchi-sensei and Hida-sensei, kissing in the school parking lot before classes began.

"I knew that they were having a super-secret affair! I mean, I've seen them together so many times!"

Another girl spoke up from the back of the classroom, "You also thought you saw Yamada Kuon-san getting picked up from school by her thirty-year-old American boyfriend who turned out to be her father."

Chie turned and stuck her tongue out at the girl, then turned back to Anshii with a sniff. "Anyway, I really knew it. They always seemed too close, you know?"

Anshii nodded and smiled, her pulse slowly falling back to something like normal. First she chided herself for her panicked reaction – nobody would kick a student out of school for kissing, that was just foolishness on her part. Then she wondered, very quietly and to herself, if perhaps the lack of outrage towards the teachers might signal just a smidgen of acceptance on the parts of the students. Then again, she thought, sorting through the books in her desk to get them in order for the day ahead, Kikukawa-san has to be accepting, if she's able to pass on those wild rumours without being bothered by the contents.

As far as the teachers' relationship being true or not...well, when Chie's information didn't come out of her own wild imaginings, it was largely accurate. Not that Anshii had anything to say.

* * *

That afternoon, as those students belonging to the going-home club streamed from the school in rivers, Utena dawdled around in her classroom until Anshii arrived, closing and locking the door behind her. Within seconds of the door clicking shut, they were wrapped in each other's arms and kissing as if they'd been separated for months, finally breaking away after several moments, flushed and breathing hard.

"I missed you at lunch," Anshii explained huskily, and Utena laughed and held her close.

"See? I told you. If I tell myself I won't get to see you all day, then not seeing you at lunch isn't so bad when it happens. What did happen, anyway?" Utena tilted her head to one side, looking curious.

"It's a little embarrassing, really," Anshii murmured, but the curious look didn't fade, so after a minute she gave in with a little laugh, "You know Kikukawa Chie-san?"

"The school gossip," Utena answered with a laugh, then wondered aloud, "What does she have to do with it?"

"Well, in class today she almost made my heart stop. She was squealing about who she saw kissing in the school parking lot this morning, and I thought that somebody had seen us and that we might get in trouble," she explained, feeling vaguely uncomfortable with keeping their relationship a secret but understanding the very real and logical need to do so, "But it turned out that it was two of our teachers that they saw."

"I can see how that would be upsetting, love," Utena said thoughtfully, "But... what does that have to do with where you were at lunch?" Anshii laughed and popped her prince on the shoulder with one hand.

"Absolutely nothing at all, you silly girl. During lunch, I ended up helping one of the teachers that Kikukawa-san was talking about. Her name is Hida-sensei, do you know her?"

Utena thought for a moment, then nodded slowly. "She's an art teacher, right? I've never had a class with her, but I heard that she was really nice and really pretty. I thought she was married, though."

"I don't know, she might be. It's not as if that changes anything." They were both silent for a moment, uncomfortably aware of things that other girls their age probably hadn't even thought of. The facts were that women in Japan had, for the most part, no choice but to get married. They were paid inferior wages for the same work and were unequal in the eyes of society, so they could often never make it on their own. Some landlords would even refuse to rent to single women, forcing more and more unmarried women to continue living with their parents, or at least supported by them. Even lesbians were forced, either by their families, society, or the simple economics of it, to marry men and live in secrecy.

In such a world, they were more appreciative with each passing day of the autonomy that wealth gave them, and the freedom, if they wished it, to emigrate to America once they were old enough. Anshii's English had become much better in the past three years, so they held onto that plan as a desperate backup. Still, there was just something about home, and neither girl was eager to leave it.

While the pair were lost in thought, buses began noisily pulling away in the parking lot, shaking Utena and Anshii out of their contemplation with the reminder that they'd be late to pick up the twins. Neatening their clothes quickly, they dashed from the room and down the stairs, stopping in the entry to change shoes as quickly as possible before jogging for the kindergarten. They arrived with what appeared to be the last few parents and their already-waiting taxi, and announced themselves by waving to the teacher on duty where she stood by the door, calling children to come out or for teachers to bring out the younger ones.

"Penguins Class, Marcus, it's time to go home! Marcus, it's time to go home! Seals Class, Nicole, Nicola, it's time to go home! Nicole, Nicola, it's time to go home!"

The twins called, their parents waited among the handful of other parents out front. They were ignored for the most part, except for one Japanese husband taking his wife's hand and pulling her to the other side of the group. The foreigners seemed largely unbothered.

Stepping forward, the prince knelt down just in time for Nishiko to dash into her arms, and scooped the little girl up with a laugh from the parent and another cry of delight from the child. Nishiki was a little more sedate about it, much like her mother, and simply gave her a shy smile as Anshii bent to pick her up and cradle the child against her chest briefly. Sucking quietly on her thumb, Nishiki let her twin go through the business of chattering about their day as they slid into the taxi and headed for home.

"We made a puzzle! I _wanted_ to climb tree, sensei said 'no'. I was sad. English is fun! Kayti..." And Nishiki, already well aware of the details of the day, simply curled up in her mother's arms and smiled, content to lay against Anshii's chest until they got home.

Dinner was a quiet affair, Nishiko finally having worn herself out with chatter while Utena put together a simple meal, Anshii having long been content to leave the cooking to her prince, for a variety of reasons.

Of course, after dinner the twins were less than pleased to discover that it was bath time, and simultaneously went limp as a gesture of resistance, forcing their parents to carry them to the bathroom. Utena and Anshii shared exasperated looks as they attempted to undress an extremely stubborn Nishiko, who refused to hold her arms up to let them remove her shirt. Every time they would lift her arms, she'd let them drop again as the shirt came up, until eventually they gave up on her.

"When you're ready to have a bath with Mama, Papa, and Ki, you can join us."

Nishiki was less than pleased, but calmer about it, allowing the young women to strip her down and wash her thick purple hair. It didn't take long for Nishiko to feel lonely, sitting by the door of the bathing room, and in short order she had shed the rest of her clothes and insinuating herself into the group with a little grumpy face that was soon washed away by her bath toys.

Once the twins were clean, Utena and Anshii accepted their 'help' washing their own hair, then rinsed off and moved to the tub. As Utena picked Nishiko up to set her in the water, the little girl clung to her papa and shook her head.

"No, it's hot! I don't wanna!" Looking over at her love, Utena looked a bit trapped, until Anshii led by example, picking Nishiki up and climbing right into the tub with the child. Following Anshii's lead, the young prince stepped into the tub and set her daughter down. Nishiko immediately grabbed for the side of the tub, standing on Utena's lap and looking rather unhappy, until her mother spoke up.

"It's only for one hundred seconds, dear. It's not that bad."

But Nishiko continued to be grumpy for a few more seconds, until her twin got a sly look on her face and proceeded to splash her with a little giggle. Shocked, Nishiko turned and splashed Nishiki back, much to their parents' amusement. Utena flicked a bit of water at Anshii, who responded with a full-on splash.

Not a centimeter of the room was dry after that water fight.

After the battle died down, everyone trooped to the little 'changing room' area, and Utena and Anshii wrapped their hair and bodies in towels before drying off their now-sleepy children and stuffing them into pajamas. Held in her mother's arms once more, Nishiki gave a little sigh and promptly went to sleep, and didn't even notice when they were carried upstairs to their bedroom. A faint little snore escaped her lips as she was handed briefly to her papa, and again when she and her twin were laid down together on the bottom of their bunk bed. She flailed a bit when a soft kiss was pressed to her forehead, then went back to sleep.

Anshii gently slid the door shut on the two sleeping toddlers, turning to smile at Utena, who took her hand and led her down the stairs.

"It's like they switch personalities at times. This morning, Ki was being difficult, and then Ko."

"Yeah, I know. But you know what I know that you don't?" Utena's voice was neutral, but her expression was pure mischief. One slim purple eyebrow popped up.

"What?"

"The twins are asleep, you can't hear downstairs from upstairs, and ice cream was on sale at the store yesterday. Also, you're it." And while Anshii was still processing, Utena pinched her bottom and took off running down the stairs with a laugh, Anshii hot on her tail less than a second later. One movie and ice cream feast later, they checked on the twins and then relocated to their own bedroom for a bit more celebration and finally sleep.

END CH.7


	8. Issho ni Iru: To be Together

Chapter Eight

Written: 23 December 2005

Edited: 07 October 2012

* * *

The next morning, Utena was tousled and cheerful when she came down the stairs and into the kitchen, her slippers shuffling on the tile floor of the cooking area as she came up behind Anshii and wrapped her arms around the slim waist, nuzzling into neatly-brushed, vanilla-scented hair with a happy sigh. Anshii, busy cooking the fish for breakfast, paused and looked back over her shoulder.

"You're in a good mood this morning," she remarked with a small smile, and Utena laughed into her loose hair.

"Naturally. It's your fault, you know."

"Oh?"

"Yeah. I didn't think I'd ever see you again when I left that place, and then you showed up at my door just when I needed you. I'm not over that deliriously happy feeling yet, and things like this and that," she made a vague gesture, but Anshii knew what she meant, "Just make me remember how happy you make me. In case I haven't said it recently, I love you, Anshii."

Anshii turned around in Utena's arms and looped her own around her prince's neck, tilting her head back a little to plant a kiss on the taller girl and then smiling and leaning against her. "Me too. I love you so much." They stayed that way for a few seconds, quietly enjoying how neatly they fit together, before the smell of cooking fish made Anshii jump and spin around to attend to their burning breakfast.

Utena let her go with a laugh, then turned and headed back up the stairs to wake their slumbering children for breakfast and school.

They all sat down to breakfast together, the twins making big productions out of very carefully picking up the pieces of their fish, which had been cut up by Anshii, more for self-preservation than anything. Utena couldn't help but smile at the children, who had only recently mastered the fine art of manipulating their small chopsticks and were still prone to drop things. Nishiko smiled back at her papa, and safely guided a glob of sticky rice into her mouth.

Of course, Nishiki chose that exact moment to drop a piece of fish on the table, and Utena immediately swooped in and retrieved it for the little girl before she made any attempt at using her chopsticks at that odd angle. The pink-haired girl was positive that if she tried, there would have been a mess of spilled tea and juice to clean up as well.

The little girl looked very frustrated as she tried to pick up the same piece of fish three times and couldn't quite get it, and her face screwed up as if she was about to yell or throw her chopsticks. But just as Anshii moved towards the girl, Nishiko put her hand on her twin's arm, and she immediately calmed down, then they both resumed eating, with a little more success.

Utena and Anshii looked at each other, but didn't say anything. Soon enough, breakfast was over and it was time to get cleaned up and leave for school. Everything got done with the minimum of fuss for once, and the two young women bid the twins goodbye at school, hugging and kissing both of them and sending them off to their teachers before beginning their own walk, right on time.

It was quiet for a few moments, then Utena glanced at her mate. "What exactly was that about at breakfast? Ki looked ready to explode, and then she just calmed right down when Ko touched her." Anshii looked thoughtful.

"Well, it could just be something related to them being twins. I've heard of things like that before. But somehow I think that this might be different. Like them starting to walk early, like them being stronger and smarter than most other children that age. I wonder if it has to do with . . ." She touched with one fingertip the base of her left ring finger, and Utena frowned and reflexively moved to touch the same spot on her own left hand, then pulled away from it as if burned by just the memory. She turned her gaze to the slowly-passing tile of the sidewalk, still frowning.

"What does _that_ have to do with anything? I mean, I know it's mine, but I don't use it. How could it be affecting them?"

"I don't know. It's just a theory, though. It could very well be that they're just exceptional children and twins." It was clear from her voice that she didn't think it could be explained away that easily, but Utena didn't say anything further and soon enough they were at their own school, exchanging subdued goodbyes and parting ways to go to class. They met again at lunch, but the twins were not mentioned at all.

* * *

Back in Shibuya-ku, in Yoyogi Park, a crowd of young children wearing blue hats gathered around one of their teachers, milling uncertainly and looking very unhappy, having picked up on the worry and fear in their teacher's body language. Their other teacher was missing, along with one of their classmates, Nicole. Teacher Ashely had gathered them up into a group, then left Teacher Cara to watch them while she went to go find the missing girl.

Nishiki had tried to speak up and offer to go, but she had been shushed as the adults took control over things, so she sat quietly under a small tree, completely unconcerned, even in the face of mean comments about the how her parents were 'queers', according to their own parents. She simply ignored them all, and after a while they got bored with and moved on, which was just fine.

Their less senior teacher, Teacher Cara, made her way over to the sitting girl and crouched, intending to ask if she was okay, then suddenly fell over backwards, shocked and frightened when Nishiki jumped up with no warning whatsoever and took off at a dead run.

Unsure of what to do, the young woman ordered the other children to stay put and took off after the girl. It was easy enough to catch up with her, seeing as how her little legs would only carry her so fast, but just as she opened her mouth to call out to the child, Nishiki threw herself to the left with a yell, and she heard the unmistakable sound of a punch landing and a child crying.

Dodging around a tree, she came upon something startling. Nishiko kneeling on the ground and crying, holding her cheek with one hand and a slightly-mushed flower chain with the other, while Nishiki fought an angry-looking boy at least two years older than her and quite a bit bigger. She looked to be holding her own for the moment, having surprised him with her initial attack, but it wouldn't last much longer.

As the teacher stared, stunned, Nishiko dropped her flower chain and let go of her cheek, revealing a red mark like a slap on the dark skin. Then she stood up, calmly brushed her skirt off, and launched herself at the boy's legs, throwing him off balance so that Nishiki could punch him right in the face, knocking him down so that her twin could sit on him.

It all happened within a few seconds, so quickly that the teacher didn't even have time to react before it was all over. It took her another few seconds once it was over to process everything, and then she got mad. Marching over to the three children, she gestured for Nishiko to get off of the boy. He got up, and looked like he wanted to thank her.

That is, until he saw her expression. He opened his mouth to offer an excuse, but Cara simply grabbed him by the shoulder and turned him towards where the other children were waiting. He wisely shut his mouth.

"Nicole, Nicola, please go rejoin the other children. Teacher Ashley should be back soon, so tell her I've taken..." she glanced down at the boy's tag, "Chris from Whale Class to the teacher's room."

They nodded solemnly and went to do as they were told, walking hand in hand.

* * *

That afternoon, Utena and Anshii were shocked to hear of the fight, though gratified to know that the boy responsible had been taken care of. Kneeling down, they hugged and kissed their slightly mussed children, then hustled them into the car, where they rode in their parents' laps for the entire ride home.

"Ki?" Anshii asked the little girl in her lap, who looked up at her with those innocent blue eyes.

"Yes, Mama?"

"The teacher said that you suddenly ran off to where Ko was. How did you know?"

"Cause I called, of course!" said Nishiko, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Big brother came cause I called."

Utena and Anshii exchanged looks again. They'd been trying since the twins could talk to get Nishiko to call Nishiki either by name or 'big sister'. No matter how often they corrected her, she persisted, until they were almost ready to give up.

"Oh, so you yelled for your big sister?" Anshii inquired gently, still trying in her own way to correct the little girl.

"No, I didn't yell. I _called_ big brother!"

"But how did you call her, if you didn't shout? The teacher said you were way out of sight."

"She called me in my head," Nishiki explained. "I know where she is, but a mean boy try to take her flower chain and hit her. So I helped!"

The rest of the ride home was fairly quiet, the twins tuckered out and their parents thinking very hard. When they got to the house, they carried the sleepy children out and Utena flipped absently through the mail she'd collected on her way through the front gate. Just as the door shut behind them, Utena gasped and dropped all the mail and nearly the child in her other arm, staring at a white envelope like it had bitten her.

"Utena? Utena, what's wrong?" Anshii was worried. It wasn't like Utena to react to things like that. The pink-haired girl pointed silently at the envelope.

"It's . . . it's _her._ A letter from her!" Anshii was puzzled, and hitched Nishiki up on her hip before crouching to pick up the offending piece of mail, a traditional long-format envelope. She turned it over and froze. The letter was addressed to Tenjou Utena-sama. Written in the bottom left corner of the otherwise unremarkable envelope, in handwriting neat enough that there was no mistaking it, was the return address. The address itself was somewhere in Kyoto city, apparently, but it was the name that concerned her.

有  
栖  
川  
樹  
璃

"Arisugawa Juri."

END CH. 8


	9. Yomu: To Read

Chapter Nine  
Written: 05 December 2006

Edited: 07 October 2012

* * *

Dinner was a silent affair that night. The twins were still tired from their exciting day, and their parents were too busy sneaking glances at the still-unopened letter, as if expecting it to turn into a snake and attack them.

After dinner and a subdued bathtime, they put the twins to bed and Utena retired to the long office space that ran the length of the upstairs, connecting the two bedrooms. She sat cross-legged at the small table where the children usually worked while Anshii told the sleepy toddlers the story of how the one old man lost his wen and the other got it back(1). With the door open, she could hear the story clearly.

"The demons had all disappeared, and there was nothing for him to do but to return home. He was a pitiful sight, for his face, with the two large lumps, one on each side, looked just like a gourd!"

The twins giggled sleepily, and with a kiss to each forehead Anshii stepped back into the office as well, carefully leaving the door ajar, just as they liked it. She smiled at Utena's back and knelt quietly alongside her.

Kissing her love gently and wrapping an arm around her waist, Utena held up the letter, still unopened. "I'm not sure why I'm so scared of opening this thing," she said softly, "I mean, it's Arisugawa-senpai. She was never really a bad person, even at Ohtori. But I still can't bring myself to open it."

Anshii nodded slowly, and they sat quietly for a few moments before the dusky-skinned girl plucked the letter from her Champion's hand and a letter opener Utena had brought over but hadn't used, and then deftly slit the top of the letter open. Returning the letter opener to its place, she gently slid the folded sheets out of the envelope and had to smile. The paper was very nearly plain, coloured an almost invisible pale blue with a faint white border of lilies to it. Elegant and understated, so very like Juri.

The letter was handwritten, which surprised both of them a bit, having expected something less personal. Then again, what they had shared in Ohtori was fairly personal, so it made sense, in an odd sort of way.

"Her handwriting is better than mine," Utena mused, opening the two slim sheets out that had been neatly folded into thirds.

"Utena, I would venture to say that the twins have better handwriting than yours," Anshii replied with a soft laugh as Utena stuck her tongue out.

"That's mean! My handwriting isn't that bad!"

Anshii just smiled and began to read the letter.

_"Zenryaku(2). Tenjou-kun, you have no idea how long I spent trying to decide how to address you. I settled on Tenjou-kun because it is, after all, what I called you back then. Has it really been three years? It must be, since I graduated from that place a year ago. I apologize for taking so long to contact you, but . . . well, I don't really have an excuse._

_"I found your address shortly after I moved here to Kyoto to take over my father's business, and I've been meaning to contact you for some time. I was going to phone you, but it occurred to me that I might be less likely to sound foolish if I have a chance to work out what I will say beforehand._

_"I think that I must be the first of the Student Council to contact you, since I am the only one so far to have left that place. Touga has gone on to the attached college, and Saionji has followed him. Miki is still in high school, as are the others._

_"But what I wanted to ask you is why it seems that I only remembered you after I left that place. Look at me, not even able to call it by name, though I'm sure you know what I mean. Ohtori. There, I've written it and I'm still alive. Once I left Ohtori completely, without ever intending to go back, I suddenly remembered you, and it seems strange that I would have forgotten you in the first place, considering what happened._

_"If you don't mind, I would like it if perhaps we could meet. I understand that Kyoto is a bit far from Tokyo for you to travel during school, so I wonder if you might allow me to come and visit you for a short time. To be honest, running a business is simple compared to attending high school, and I find myself with a lot of free time. If you like, please write me back at this address, or call me."_

Three phone numbers followed, labeled work, home, and cell. The letter was signed simply 'Arisugawa Juri.'

The pair were silent for a few moments, deep in thought. It was Utena that spoke up first.

"So, it looks like Senpai doesn't know about you or Shi-chan. If she does come to visit . . . how will she react, I wonder?"

Anshii frowned a little. "She didn't like me at all back then. I doubt that we'll become best friends overnight, even now that things have changed so much. As for the twins . . . I don't know. I've never seen Arisugawa-san around children."

"Do you want to invite her anyway?"

"Maybe. I think it might be nice to see someone from back then. Sometimes, it still feels like a dream I lived a very, very long time ago. A reminder that we really did survive that might be in order."

"I guess it's decided then. What should we tell Shi-chan?"

"To behave?"

"Very funny. I'll call her work phone tomorrow, I think. If I'm lucky I'll only have to leave a message with a secretary or someone."

Anshii nodded quietly. "I'll air out the futon and make her a space...I suppose the dojo will work best. I'll find the screens and make it look neat."

"That's a good idea. Come on, it's getting late. We should go to sleep."

"In a bit. I have some homework that's due tomorrow, and I'm not quite finished yet."

"Alright. I'll be in the bedroom." They both stood. Utena bent down to plant a soft kiss on Anshii's lips, and then shuffled off towards the bedroom, "Night."

"Goodnight," Anshii replied with a smile as she relocated to her own desk to get to work. Just as she lifted her pencil, she heard the door open again, and Utena's head poked out.

"By the way, I love you."

And then the door shut once more, leaving Anshii to respond with a smile and a soft, "I love you too."

* * *

Anshii carefully set the tray down on the table between her prince and the panther, and knelt before it. She would have preferred to sit on the same side of the table as Utena, but the formality of the occasion forbade it. Carefully setting out the very old utensils, she began to make tea in the old-fashioned way that she much preferred. Glancing back and forth at the athletic pair of women out of the corners of her eyes, she couldn't help but notice something.

Juri looked good. She looked very, very good. She'd always been beautiful, in her own elegantly fierce way, but away from Ohtori she became utterly, stunningly gorgeous.

Not that she was looking. Utena really was all she would ever need, but that didn't keep her from appreciating the fencer's sleek lines. And so she proceeded through the careful steps of tea preparation with a small, secret smile curving her lips.

A cup of fine green tea in hand, Juri took a slow sip, keeping her face calm while she tried to think of how to phrase everything that was on her mind. She was slightly annoyed with her source of information for conveniently failing to mention that Utena no longer lived alone, and more importantly for not telling the ginger-haired woman who, exactly, she was living with. Though oddly enough, she didn't seem to be able to muster the same kind of contempt for the former Rose Bride as she had felt before.

After a moment, things solidified in her mind and she looked up into expectant blue eyes, partially obscured by perpetually messy pink bangs and the gentle smile.

"I think . . ." She paused again, "I think that I just wanted to see you. I wanted to believe that everything that happened wasn't a lie, that I'm not going insane."

"And now that you've seen us?" Anshii asked softly, "Has confirmation changed anything?" Utena nodded, her smile widening a trifle at the way Anshii was so easily able to read her.

Juri smiled wryly, distantly aware that she was turning the small cylindrical teacup around and around in her hands, a nervous gesture that hardly anyone would have expected from the calm, collected young woman.

"Honestly? I suppose not. But just the same, it makes me curious. There are things I want to know, about then and about now, questions that refuse to leave me be. So, I suppose it must really be curiosity that brought me to your home."

Utena laughed softly. "Curiosity about what? You said you wanted to know why you forgot, so how about I just explain that first, and then you can ask whatever comes to mind?"

"I think that would work," Juri said slowly, "But I'm sure you would like to put a limit on what I may and may not ask about."

Utena looked over at Anshii, who gave a little shrug to indicate that she didn't mind, and then the pink-haired girl looked back across the table at Juri.

"Personally, I'm not that much of a private person, so I don't really care what you ask about. I'll answer most anything. Anyway, onto the explanation I promised you. Sorry if it comes out kind of jumbled, but it happened that way after the final duel."

Both Juri and Anshii listened intently as she began to explain. Anshii had comforted the girl during nightmares, but had never gleaned more than fragments about what had happened after Utena's hand had been torn out of her grasp.

Juri hadn't been witness to the final duel, so she sat quietly as Utena explained everything that happened, her eyes flickering over to Anshii as Utena described seeing her impaled on the swords. Her mouth fell open a bit as Utena described the way that she had put her hand on Akio's face to push herself out of his grasp, and her eyes widened a trifle as the girl told of opening the door, and then the coffin, and finally the traumatic parting.

"I just laid there for a while . . . I felt like such a failure. And then the swords came for me, and I was sure I was going to die then. I . . . well, I wanted it to happen." Her explanation became a little more rushed. "I had failed in everything, even in protecting Anshii, and I just couldn't stand it anymore! I waited for them to kill me, but . . ."

The princely girl was quiet for a moment, and Anshii gently prompted her to continue, by gently placing her hand over Utena's on the wooden tabletop. Squeezing Anshii's hand lightly, Utena continued the story.

"The swords . . . they couldn't touch me. I don't know why, but they just couldn't touch me. They made a sound like a roar and they tore the dueling arena apart, stone by stone, and the walkway too, until I fell. I didn't understand. I was sure the power of Dios didn't belong to me, because my sword had broken on the door. But while I was falling, I suddenly realized something, and I was able to tap the power to save myself."

Her eyes fell to the tabletop, and she didn't look up again as she continued to speak.

"Afterwards, I wanted to use the power to break the chains that held people to Ohtori, but my . . . my control wasn't really the best, so I ended up removing myself from everyone's memories in the process."

When she fell silent again, it took the other two a moment to realize that she had said all that she was going to, and Juri frowned.

"But what was it?"

"What was what?"

"The thing that you realized, that let you save yourself. What was it?" Juri looked a little impatient, and Utena couldn't help but smile at the fencer's frustration.

"I don't know if I should talk about it, but I can say that I don't think it was my power that opened the door, or me who received the power of Dios. At least, not all of it or even most of it."

The other two women were dumbfounded.

"I'm not sure I understand," Anshii said slowly, "I thought you said that you used the power."

Utena scratched the back of her neck a little, and gave a sheepish grin. "Well, yeah. I used it and I still can, but it's not so much that it's my power as I'm just kind of keeping it safe for the real owner for a while."

"For the real owner? But who is the real owner? It isn't . . ." Juri turned suddenly pale.

"Not Akio! No way, it's not him. It's not a person that you know, Senpai."

"But you do know who it is, right?"

"Yeah, of course! No way I'd keep valuables for somebody I didn't know. Don't worry. Maybe I can tell you sometime, but for right now I think that I should stay quiet about it. Maybe you'll just have to wait and find out when it's time to give it back. Honestly," Utena looked thoughtful, "Honestly, I'm kind of glad it's not really mine. I wouldn't want to keep something like this forever."

"Is it that bad?"

"Worse. It's kinda like . . . well, kind of like what I read that someone said about writing. It's like getting into a boxing ring with one hand tied behind your back when the match had already been decided and you lost. It's incredibly hard to control. Maybe that's just because it's not mine, but I don't know if even the real owner will be able to control it very well."

Utena and Juri were quiet for a moment before Anshii finally spoke up, and her tone was more 'scolding wife' than questioning.

"Utena . . . when we were talking about why it might be that the twins are so exceptional, you distinctly said that the power of Dios was yours, and asked how it could possibly be affecting them."

Juri glanced back and forth between them, hoping someone would say something to allow her to figure out what twins they were talking about without having to sacrifice her dignity and admit to being lost. Unfortunately, no explanation appeared to be forthcoming.

"Ah, well, um . . ." Another sheepish grin, "Well, I just wanted to, you know, well I didn't really want to talk about this for a while. I thought I could keep it quiet and just give it back when the time came, without telling anyone." She did her best to look innocent and charming, but Anshii's dry look was enough to tell her the jig was up. That, and Juri laughing at said look.

"Glad you think it's funny," Utena grumbled at the girl she'd have liked to call friend, "Just wait till someone settles you, then see how you like it." Another look from Anshii prompted the young woman to quickly qualify that, "Because you'll love it just like I do! It's great! Really!"

Setting her teacup down on the table, Juri couldn't help but smile at the gentleness of their relationship. She doubted that she'd enjoy anything of the sort, but there was still time for that later. "It's getting to be afternoon already," she said softly, "Perhaps I could interest you two in lunch? We could go to a restaurant, I've heard of some rather nice ones in this area." Suddenly, Utena and Anshii froze, both looking over at the clock in tandem.

"Oh, my," Anshii said softly, and Utena put a little more force behind the sentiment.

"Dammit!"

Juri blinked. "What? Is something wrong?"

Even as she spoke, Anshii was quickly clearing the table and Utena was headed for the front door, gesturing for Juri to follow.

"We're gonna be late to pick the twins up if we don't hurry!" Stuffing her feet into her shoes, she waited impatiently for Juri to follow suit. Within seconds, Anshii was in the foyer as well, gracefully slipping her shoes on and stepping out the door. The three of them climbed into the car, which had arrived on schedule despite its passengers' lateness. Without discussion, Anshii slipped into the front while Utena and Juri took the back.

"Quickly, please," said Anshii, and the driver took off accordingly.

"We took the day off of school today," Utena was telling the orange-haired woman, "but we decided to send the twins to kindergarten as usual, and if you hadn't reminded us, we would have totally forgotten about them. If traffic cooperates, we should get there just in time. I hope you don't mind, but you're either gonna have to move over or hold one of the girls. Juri? Are you okay?"

Juri's face had gone a little pale, and she looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"You have children?"

END CH.9

(1) 'The old man who lost his wen' is an old Japanese fairytale. I think you can find it places online, translated into English. The translation here is one I did in college.

(2) Zenryaku – this goes at the beginning of a short letter, to say that all the pleasantries (one's health, the weather, etc.) have been skipped over.


	10. Asobu: To Play

Chapter Ten

Written: 17 April 2006

Edited: 07 October 2012

* * *

The car pulled up to the children's kindergarten just as a swarm of students spilled from the classrooms into the common area, accompanied by amused-seeming teachers. Utena and Anshii slipped from the car to wave to the desk staff and to wait as their two were summoned, and Juri followed them, doing everything in her power to remain calm.

Strangely enough, the stares of other parents and of a few teachers was what helped to ground her. She doubted that they recognized her, modeling being what it was and it having been several years since she herself had graced the pages or covers of fashion magazines, but she held no illusions about her appearance. They were looking because she was beautiful, and the familiarity of the situation helped to keep her balanced.

Right up until a pair of tiny, blue-eyed Anshii clones dressed in blue and black came running over to where she stood, almost hiding behind Utena, and were summarily scooped up by their parents. As the group walked back to the car, Juri was able to take stock of the miniature humans as they were being fussed over.

The twins wore matching outfits of a sort. They both wore white long-sleeved shirts, and one sported a gauzy blue short-sleeved shirt over it along with a pair of little black slacks. The other girl's shirt had a heart-shaped collar to it, and she wore a small black skirt with a smaller blue gauze skirt over it. They both wore shiny black buckle shoes. The girl with the skirt had two pigtails in her hair, tied with little blue bows, and the other had one ponytail with another, larger bow. To Juri's eye, they looked oddly elegant for such young children, and it eased her mind. Elegance she could relate to.

Once back in the car, Utena and Anshii sat in the back seat with the twins on their laps, while Juri rode in the relatively calmer front seat, next to the quiet driver. Who, the panther noted, drove much more carefully with the twins on board. Listening with half an ear, she heard the young women questioning the children about their days, and wondered idly if all three-year-olds were so articulate.

Far too soon for comfort, at least in Juri's mind, they were pulling back up to the house and there was an immediate mass exodus.

"Is the car sinking?" she murmured, drawing a laugh from the driver as she climbed out and slipped into the house just in time to see Anshii catch a laughing girl as she made to run into the house in her socks, and held the squirming child as she slipped blue house slippers on kicking feet. The child promptly took off into the house after her pink-slippered twin.

Slipping her own feet into the pale grey guest slippers, Juri raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Utena as Anshii followed their children. Laughing, Utena gestured for her to follow the young Prince into the downstairs living area.

"So what do you think of our little family?" Utena asked, as she stepped into the kitchen and poured two cups of tea, smiling somewhat teasingly. Juri sat at the table and gave a small grin back.

"It's very . . . interesting, to say the least. The twins seem very mature for their age, though. How old are they?"

Setting a cup down in front of Juri before taking a seat herself, Utena shrugged. "They do seem a little old and solemn for their age, I guess. They're only three, would you believe that? It seems like they've been around for forever. I just can't remember any time when my life wasn't about them and making them happy."

Juri smiled, noting the somewhat dreamy look on Utena's face, then frowned as a question came to mind. "They look very much like Anshii, but they have your eyes. How did that happen?"

She immediately regretted asking, when the smile froze on Utena's face and then was gone. Before Utena could open her mouth to answer, however, Anshii's voice called her name from beyond the door leading into the rest of the house. The young woman turned and ran off without so much as an 'excuse me,' leaving a rather bemused Juri sitting in the living room, attempting to assimilate the day's occurrences.

Juri settled down into her futon that night with that bemused smile still lingering on her lips.

Utena had returned within moments of her disappearance, a bit damp but smiling once again, and Juri had deigned not to continue with her previous question. Instead, she had found herself agreeing to help with meal preparations. Both women had been pleasantly surprised, both of them having learned to cook fairly well since the days of high school.

They had chatted as they worked, about inconsequential things. Juri had been a bit stunned to discover that Utena spoke English quite competently, and they had switched languages for a few moments for practice.

All in all, it had been an interesting time, both of them greatly surprised to find themselves getting along so smoothly, even more so than when they were in school together. Being comrades of a sort is one thing, but friendship is a creature of a completely different hue. And yet, the developing friendship between them was quite comfortable. Juri had even felt close enough to the pink-haired girl to divulge a few offhand details of her own life, beyond her work and public personae.

* * *

_A strange but satisfying day,_ the ginger-hair woman mused as she drifted off to sleep.

And woke the next morning to the shouting of children, followed by a small hand knocking on the wooden frame of the door to her makeshift bedroom.

It was one of the twins knocking at the door, dressed in blue pajamas, but it was Utena who stood and chortled at the sight of the sleep-tousled businesswoman looking down at the empty spot where Nishiki had been, before the little slippered scamp ran off, giggling.

Looking up, Juri spotted Utena standing there, also in her pajamas, and promptly shut the door. Utena just laughed harder and called through the door.

"Wow! The amazing Arisugawa Juri, tousled! I would never have guessed! What will your adoring public say?"

The door slid open again and Juri gave her a withering look before stepping out into the house, hair and tailored pajamas neat once more.

"And wearing men's pajamas . . . will wonders never cease? Come on, breakfast is about ready."

"It's Saturday," Juri finally said, her tone ever so slightly petulant as she followed Utena to the kitchen, "Why am I awake this early?"

"Wow, being in business really has made you lazy. Fortunately for us, three-year-olds are like large, noisy alarm clocks. We _never_ sleep late, so neither can you."

They arrived in the kitchen to the sound of happy toddler laughter as Anshii tried to get the overexcited children to eat their breakfast with some semblance of decorum, at least for the sake of their guest. But certain things were sacred, and Saturday was one of them.

As they ate, Utena explained everything to Juri, who was wondering to herself if this bemused expression was going to stick to her face. _As often as I make it, it very well might do that._

" . . . and then in the afternoon, we come home and we all relax. It's a nice way to spend some family time together, I think. And we get to relax some, which is good. I'm really glad that our school doesn't have classes on Saturday, otherwise we would have to hire a babysitter, because the twins' school isn't open then. You know . . . it's hard to believe that they'll be in elementary school in two more years. They'll be in high school and college before I know it."

"Speaking of which," Juri finally slipped a word in, "You and Anshii are graduating soon, aren't you? Have you looked at colleges yet?"

"Well," Utena said with a laugh, scratching the back of her neck, "It's like this. Taking care of the twins and going to high school is hard enough, when our schedules more or less match up. College would be next to impossible. So, we're probably not going to go, at least not for right now."

Juri nearly choked on her food.

"What? That's ridiculous! You should get a babysitter or something! College is very important for your future, you can't just float through life . . . at least one of you should go part-time or something!"

Utena was somewhat taken aback at how fierce the panther had suddenly become about this, and Juri caught the startled look. Settling down some, she grumbled.

"You can't get anywhere if you don't go to college," she justified, "It's a really important education."

"Are you in college, Senpai?"

"Yes, part-time. I wanted to go full-time, and I even got accepted to Toudai(1), but . . . then I had to take over the business. I'm going to Kyoto University instead."

"Toudai? Wow! I've seen the campus, because there's an elementary school near there that I've been hoping to send the twins to. It's really as cool as everyone says it is, you know!"'

"Yes, I know."

By then, the twins and Anshii had finished eating, and the dark-skinned girl got up to clean up the remains of breakfast. Utena rose as well, and shooed the twins back upstairs, intent on getting them dressed and ready to go. Juri retreated to get dressed herself, spending several minutes trying to put together her most casual outfit. Even so, she felt a bit overdressed in slacks and a casual blouse when Utena reappeared wearing jean shorts and a t-shirt, trailed by twins dressed similarly. Anshii was dressed with a bit more class, though, and that made Juri feel more comfortable.

Everyone piled out of the front door and into the sunlight, and they headed out to have another happy Saturday.

* * *

Saturday was . . . well, probably the most fun Juri had had in quite a long time. Their first stop had been a local playground, where the three adults currently sat in the shade, watching the twins laugh and play with other children.

"We discovered this little play group by accident, actually," Anshii was saying. "They wanted to come to the playground one Saturday a month or so ago, and since we thought it would be deserted we were a bit surprised to see all the children here. We spoke to a few parents and it turned out that this is a regular thing, so we decided to join in. It keeps them calm for most of the day, if nothing else."

Juri couldn't help but raise one eyebrow. That was probably the longest speech she'd ever heard from the usually quiet young woman. Parenthood – and being with Utena – seemed to suit her.

"So where do we go from here?" the ginger-haired woman inquired absently.

"Usually the twins take a nap at the daycare center attached to the gym while Anshii and I work out a little. If you wanna join us, I have some extra clothes in my locker."

Juri nodded, "That sounds good. I have a gym membership, but it's been a long time since I've found the time to work out properly, now that I don't fence every afternoon." She peered down at her flat, toned stomach. "I think I've put on a few pounds since then."

"Ha! I think I've lost a few! Even aside from working out, it's a lot of work chasing after a couple of little monsters every day!"

Just then, Nishiko took a tumble from her swing and Juri's cellphone began to play the Sunlit Garden. Utena and Anshii took off to check on their offspring, sure that the most injury was to her pride but unwilling to let it go without at least a brief examination and perhaps a healing parental kiss or two . . . and Juri answered her phone.

By the time Nishiko's minor scrape had received enough attention and kisses to make her feel better, Juri had snapped her phone closed, her expression drawn. Utena and Anshii sat back down and remained quiet for a moment before Utena just had to speak up.

"That was Miki's song, wasn't it? From your phone."

"Yes," Juri answered simply, her expression faraway.

"Well?" Utena demanded.

"Well what?"

"Was that Miki on the phone?"

"Yes."

Utena started to get annoyed with the terse answers, before she realized that Juri wasn't deliberately being frustrating. The other woman was simply deep in thought.

"So what did he say?"

"He said that he and . . . he and Kozue are leaving the school. He said they'd been thinking about it for about three years now and finally got their father to agree. They're transferring to a private academy here in Tokyo within the week, and he wanted to know if it was possible for me to meet them sometime."

"Oh. Do they know about . . .?"

Juri shook her head.

"I don't think so. I suppose it's possible, but I honestly don't think so. It might be a little hard on him to find out, though. He was quite in love with the Rose Bride for a while, even if he never did get to know the girl behind her. None of us did, did we?" She directed this question at Anshii, who gave a sad smile of acknowledgment.

"No one except Utena ever did."

Just then the nearby clock tower struck noon and parental calls rang out across the lively playground, Utena and Anshii joining their voices to the others. In just a few moments the playground was bare of children as everyone collected their little ones and returned to cars and nearby homes, and it was easy to see that the majority of them were at least mostly worn out. The twins had a bit more energy, but by the time the taxi they'd summoned was nearing the gym, the soft rumbling of the engine had put them to sleep, aided by Anshii's soft singing.

Pulling up in front of the gym, the driver stopped to let them out. Utena and Anshii carried their children into the massive building and through a door immediately to the right, where they deposited the dozing youngsters with a smiling young woman who seemed quite familiar with their little family.

"Another sleepy Saturday, hmm?" she asked, as she laid out a pair of small futons and gently tucked them in.

"Yeah, thankfully!" Utena laughed.

"Oh, I know what you mean. I seem to recall that one rainy Saturday a couple of weeks ago . . . they were just great big balls of energy, weren't they?"

"Most certainly," Anshii said with a smile, "But today it's back to normal. So if you wouldn't mind keeping an eye on them while they sleep, we should be back in an hour or so."

"Not a problem! Sleeping children really are the easiest to take care of!"

And with that, the trio of adults made their way into the gym proper. Utena started to offer to buy Juri a guest pass, but the taller woman just smiled.

"I actually have a membership to the same gym in Kyoto, so I'm sure it will be fine."

And, aside from a brief moment of confusion because her membership was based in Kyoto, it was indeed alright, and she followed the couple into the locker rooms, gratefully accepting a set of slightly small workout clothes from the pink-haired girl.

A while later, her arms and legs beginning to burn gently as she worked on the elliptical machine, Juri mused that she was, so far, extremely pleased with this visit. She sighed softly.

"I wish I could just stay." Utena, two machines over on a treadmill, looked over as Juri spoke.

"What did you say?" asked the pink-haired girl, "I couldn't hear you."

Juri shook her head. "It's nothing. Just thinking out loud."

"Speaking of thoughts...I wonder why Miki-kun has suddenly decided to leave Ohtori?"

"It wasn't really very sudden. I told you they've been thinking about it for more than three years. Hmm, actually that's odd." Juri paused and looked thoughtful for a moment, "It's been a little more than three years since I started thinking about coming to see you all. I wonder why."

"Yeah, that is weird. Three years..." Just as Utena might have been about to say something else, Juri's machine beeped to tell her that her twenty minutes were up, and she waved briefly to her new-but-old friend and made her way to the next machine and continued her workout.

Forty minutes later, three pleasantly tired adults collected two still-sleepy children and everyone returned to the house for a light, cold lunch and a nap. Juri, unused to sleeping during the day, simply read for a while. It wasn't until the Sunlit Garden rang out from her cellphone, startling her awake, that she realized that she had dozed off. Fumbling for the phone, she mumbled into the receiver as she sat up.

"Hello, this is Arisugawa."

"My, my, Juri-san. You sound so...disheveled."

Juri nearly threw the phone across the room, so startled she was as the deeply familiar voice, not Miki's although it was his phone number, rang in her ear. What stopped her was the subtle difference she could hear, even through the phone. Goading and taunting was not a new tone for this voice, but somehow it sounded lighter, as if layers of silent hate and anger had been peeled away.

_Perhaps, _Juri thought to herself, _perhaps the chains really are broken. _And she smiled into the phone and spoke a name that she had not uttered in years now, but was suddenly glad she could.

"Kozue."

END CH.10

Footnotes:

(1) Toudai: Short for Tokyo University (Toukyo Daigaku), one of the most prestigious universities in Japan. The subject of many rounin manga.


	11. Tsuku: To Arrive

Chapter Eleven  
Written: 9 July 2006

Edited: 07 October 2012

* * *

"I really am sorry about this, we'll be gone as soon as we can..." Miki was practically frantic, wringing his hands and apologizing over and over. Kozue was a little less apologetic and much more irritated at the complications that had put them in such a weak position, and spent most of her time grumbling and snapping at her brother. Juri simply shrugged and pressed the brake, bringing the rented sports car to a graceful stop in front of the apartment complex and its quaint little house.

The twins followed her to the front door...and nearly ran into her back as she stopped suddenly, dropping into a squat to snatch up a squealing three-year-old who'd been on her way out the door buck naked and dripping.

_Her hair is down, how am I supposed to know which one it is?_ Sighing, Juri carried the wet child into the foyer, holding onto the wriggling form with one arm and slipping her shoes off with the other. Miki and Kozue followed suite, slipping into guest slippers hastily retrieved from a small cabinet, two pairs of eyes fastened on woman and child with undisguised curiosity. Just as the ginger-haired young woman was about to question the little girl, there came a shout from the direction of the bathing room.

"Nishiko!" Utena came running just then, wrapped in a towel with another wound around her head to keep her wet hair back. Juri handed over the now-laughing child with a raised eyebrow, and Utena accepted her daughter with a long-suffering look, then promptly turned and went back to the bath with child in tow.

Through the entire scene, Miki and Kozue remained standing on the edge of the step up, a little bewildered by the short sequence of very strange events. Juri turned to them with a small, wry grin.

"That would be one of the twins, apparently the younger although I can't tell them apart with their hair down, and Utena in a bath towel. Any questions?"

Miki stared, Kozue laughed.

"That's a first," the younger woman said, looking Juri up and down as if assessing some change, "The cool and unflappable Arisugawa Juri holding a child, admitting ignorance, and being sarcastic. Will wonders never cease?"

The tall woman didn't reply as she led them to the right, into a small common area filled with doors and one small family shrine.

"Bathing room is here," she gestured to her left, to the closed door through which they could hear both speech and squealing, "Laundry to the right here, and toilet next to that. Upstairs is the family bedrooms, one of which I'll be occupying for the moment. This door leads to what used to be the dojo, and which is now your bedrooms. "

With a few hastily placed partitioning walls and sliding screens, the room had been cut in half and then the back half divided again to produce two tiny, nearly empty bedrooms, each with barely enough floor space for a futon and the tiny kneeling desks that had been dug out of storage somewhere and placed inside.

"Your rooms are here," she opened one sliding door, then closed it and turned around, opening one of the others that made up most of the opposite wall, "And through these doors is the back garden. The house is very traditional, so no aircon and no Western beds...the best we could do was to give you separate bedrooms. I'm sure it'll do until your dormitory situation is sorted out."

"Th-thank you very much, Juri-senpai." Miki bowed twice, quickly, and Juri couldn't help but smile at the young man, still as shy as she remembered.

"You're welcome," she said softly, then turned to leave. Once again she paused, "Oh. Since bathtime seems to be winding down, we'll probably be having dinner in a few minutes, if you'd like to eat before getting settled in." And with that she disappeared back into the main house, leaving a grateful but slightly confused Miki behind with his silently fuming twin, who stomped her foot angrily.

"Why is she ignoring me?"

* * *

_She can tell. I know she can tell. But what else can I do? Back then we...but...self-control, Arisugawa. Self-control. How did that old Buddhist chant go?_

"Completely freed from yes and no; great emptiness charged within; no questions, no answers; like a fish, like a fool," she mumbled softly to herself, then sighed, "Like a fool is right, I can't just ignore her forever."

"Can't ignore who forever?"

Juri jumped and yelped, then clapped a hand over her mouth and graced Utena with a dirty look.

"You needn't laugh at me, you know," she said, annoyed with Utena for sneaking up on her and with herself for being so inattentive. And for that squeak.

"I'm sorry," gasped the giggling younger girl, not really anything of the sort. "But that's too funny, the panther of Ohtori jumping and squeaking like a mouse!" Juri was silent, fuming, and Utena was gradually able to pull herself together. "Why were you lurking around outside the kitchen, anyway?"

"I wasn't 'lurking'," grumbled Juri, "I was simply thinking."

"Whatever you say! Come on, dinner's almost ready and it's getting crowded at the table. We'll need to get a bigger one at this rate!" She gestured through the cutaway, to where Anshii and two pairs of twins had settled and were waiting impatiently.

"I thought Miki-tachi(1) were only staying here temporarily?"

Utena looked back at Juri and grinned before stepping out. "So were you. Funny how long 'a day or two' lasts."

* * *

Dinner was a tense, silent affair.

Or so Juri would have liked. In actuality, it was cheerful, lively, and just a bit noisy, much like usual. Utena and Anshii, with the help of their twin devils, had enchanted Miki all over again and the painfully shy young man had come out of his shell enough to hold his own in the conversation. Even Kozue managed to throw out a few snappy lines, in between glaring surreptitiously at the panther.

Only Juri sat silent and preoccupied, staring at the dishes before her and mindlessly picking up and putting down bits of food with her chopsticks. She caught herself halfway through reshaping the rice in her bowl for the third time and gave up the ghost with a sigh. It was a shame, too, because Anshii had become a more than passable cook in the nearly four years she'd been gone from Ohtori. If nothing else, there was no more personality-switching exploding curry, and that had to count for something.

"I'm going to bed," Juri announced to the table at large. She set her chopsticks across her bowl and murmured, "Gochisousama deshita," before getting up. She stopped just long enough to smile at the children, who were often sensitive to the emotions around them, before making her way to the stairs, far too preoccupied to hear the small chorus of 'goodnight' that followed her announcement.

She'd been moved into the twins' room for the moment, while they bedded down with their parents. It wasn't the ideal situation, and she vaguely wondered if they'd made the right choice in putting the Kaoru twins downstairs, but who was to say if they'd want to share a room and a set of bunk beds?

Annoyed with herself, she sighed and addressed the wood of the bedroom door. "They've been here for less than an hour and somehow they seem more at home than I am after a week. Face it, Arisugawa. You aren't a homemaker, and you never will be. Ugh, no wonder I can't keep a girlfriend."

"The talking to yourself probably doesn't help." Kozue's voice came out of nowhere, and for the second time in an hour Juri jumped, though this time she held back on the embarrassing squeak.

"K-Kozue," she stammered, beating herself up mentally for the stutter and for allowing yet another person to catch her off guard, "Did you need something?"

The younger woman made a brief show of buffing her fingernails on her black top before speaking.

"Yes, actually. I followed you up here because we need to talk, and now seemed as good a time as any."

"Talk? About what?" Juri deliberately played ignorant, hoping that Kozue would believe it all unintentional.

"About the fact that you've been ignoring me since the airport. Now, I'm sure that my poor, well-meaning brother is going to be coming up those stairs looking for me any second now, so I'd suggest that unless you want this discussion to be a public forum, you invite me into your bedroom."

As if on cue, there came the sound of hesitant footsteps on the staircase, and Juri sighed.

"Fine. Come in, and we'll talk."

Miki arrived on the second floor to the echo of a door closing. Then, he turned around and went back down to dinner. Anshii made some very tasty fried fish and this was clearly not his business.

* * *

_Snick_ went the door as Juri closed it behind her, followed by a soft creak as she leaned against the old wood. Kozue wandered to the far side of the room, leaning against the second door where it let into the back office.

"This isn't even my room," the older girl noted dully, "It's the children's, I'm just staying in here until I find another place, because nobody knew if you'd want to share with Miki. But anyway," she heaved herself away from the door and went to perch on the edge of the lower bunk, closer to her companion.

"Let's talk."

END CH11.

Translations / clarifications:

1: Miki-tachi: In real-world terms, she's talking about Miki and Kozue. Miki is, obviously, Miki's name, and 'tachi' is something like a pluralizer, in that she's referring to Miki...and an undefined number of other people who are with him. In this case, one person. In a different context, Miki-tachi could mean Miki and his entire class. I debate the wisdom of using romaji here (as I do anywhere), but this seemed more graceful than the English equivalent, so shoot me.

2: Gochisousama deshita: (The polite version of) something said after eating, particularly when someone else cooked. Could be translated as 'thanks for the meal', but that's always sounded awkward to me.


	12. Bunnaguru: To Knock

Chapter Twelve

Written: 23 July 2006

Edited: 07 October 2012

* * *

Kozue slid to the floor, her back braced against the closed door, arranged herself casually; legs extended and ankles crossed, she looked quite at home as she looked up at Juri, eyes narrowed.

"I already told you what I want to talk about. Now, I think, it's your turn to talk."

Juri was silent for a long moment, then sighed softly. She stared at the printed pattern of colourful cartoon stars that cut a bold line across the otherwise plain walls.

"I don't suppose you would like it if I were to lie prettily?" Her tone was wry, but held the faintest undertone of something that might have been classified as 'hope'.

"No," Kozue replied in an equally wry tone, "I don't suppose I would. Just answer the question, Arisugawa. Why have you been ignoring me? Why are you still ignoring me right now?"

Another sigh, another long moment of communing with the bright rainbow colours and exaggeratedly happy expression of the stars.

"I ignored you because..." She shifted uncomfortably, "Isn't it possible for me to assert that I do indeed have a very good reason and just leave it at that?"

"Arisugawa!" Kozue snapped angrily, slapping one outstretched thigh with her hand. "Just answer the damn question! If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were afraid of me!"

Juri's breath hitched and her eyes darted to Kozue's face. Kozue stared. Those turquoise eyes had darkened perceptibly, and her pupils had dilated just a fraction. There was no other change in her expression, but just those eyes gave it all away. Kozue gasped.

"You...you _are_ afraid of me, aren't you?" Kozue's voice held something like wonder...and maybe just a touch of derision to make it sting.

Juri hung her head, ginger locks falling forward around her face and shoulders, and sighed.

"Kozue...things are different now. You and I are different. And because I'm an idiot," she added in a self-derisive tone, "I can't stop thinking that since everything has changed so much, that maybe we could take another try at us. But I haven't forgotten how terribly it ended before. So yes, I am a little afraid. Of you, of us, of...well, of a lot of things."

She looked sad and tired and somehow...defeated. And before she herself knew it, Kozue found herself kneeling before this woman who seemed, in that moment, like a child in need of comfort. And though Kozue had never liked children, it seemed natural to her to brush the hair out of her panther's eyes, tucking it gently behind one ear and cupping a smooth cheek in her hand.

Sad, scared blue-green eyes met hers and Kozue couldn't help but smile, absently stroking Juri's cheek with her thumb as if catching tears that hadn't fallen.

"You know," she said softly, "Right at this moment I think I have never seen you look more beautiful." Feeling Juri tense up, she continued patiently, "Not because you're in pain, I'm not that much of a bitch, but because you're being honest for once. You were really afraid to show this to me?"

Juri lowered her eyes briefly, lashes leaving soft shadows on her cheeks, and then met Kozue's gaze once again.

"No," she murmured softly, "_This_ is what I was afraid to show you."

Kozue bit back a gasp at the new light in Juri's eyes. And then, slowly but surely, a wolfish grin spread across her face.

"This is what I wanted so badly at Ohtori, what you would never show me. Why I left you back then. All I ever wanted, Juri," she deliberately switched to her given name, softening the declaration, "Was to see your passion."

* * *

When dinner ended with no sign of Kozue, Miki took only brief notice of it, assuming that she and Juri had a lot to talk about. He remembered the flaming wreckage as their brief attempt at a relationship had fallen from the sky, and although he had no similar experiences, he assumed it would take a long time to talk that kind of thing over.

When he checked her room after his bath and Kozue wasn't there, Miki began to wonder. Surely they didn't plan to stay up all night talking?

When he was awakened in the early morning by the shouting of children from downstairs and Kozue still wasn't in her room, Miki knew.

And when he got dressed for his first day at the new school without Kozue, ate breakfast without her, and saw Utena, Anshii, and the twins off with still no sign of her, he blushed, took his courage in his hands, and tapped softly on the door to Juri's room.

No answer.

With a deep breath and a gulp – he was still a bit of a coward, no matter how much time passed – he knocked, loud and hard. He immediately shrunk backwards, wary of the wrath of Juri and Kozue combined because he just knew he was interrupting something, even if it was just their sleep.

Still no answer.

In the end, he went to school by himself to sort through all the standard first-day things by himself. When the principal wondered where his twin was, Miki's blushing response was something vague and embarrassed about a fever after their long trip and needing her sleep. The principal nodded and wished health upon the absent young woman. Miki blushed for the rest of the day.

* * *

Juri and Kozue, for their part, woke up for the third time at around one in the afternoon and simply regarded each other quietly with smiles and a silent sort of affection. Curled up together, they were decidedly mussed, as was the bed. The pillow was on the floor somewhere, the sheets hopelessly tangled around the bodies that were equally tangled around each other.

As one or the other of them would shift, they would both smile at the feel of skin sliding against skin. Every other time they had awoken, it was this that prevented them from getting out of bed. This time was no exception. Exchanging supremely contented smiles and a soft kiss, they went back to sleep, not waking until several hours later when the call of nature could no longer be denied.

* * *

By the time they finally crawled out of bed for good, the school day had come to an end and Miki was on his way home, followed by Utena, Anshii, and the twins, who took a bit longer to come and go from school.

The rumpled pair had just enough time to bathe, dress, and neaten the shamefully defiled bed – a child's bed! – before Miki got home, and after a series of blushes from the shy boy, the three of them were able to work together to make a simple meal with which to surprise their hostesses, who walked through the door just as Juri was deftly scooping the rice into small bowls for each person.

"Wow! I never would've guessed that Arisugawa-senpai could cook," Utena exclaimed a few minutes later around a mouthful of shrimp tempura, then swallowed and added, "'Specially not this well!"

Juri shrugged, having the grace to chew and swallow her bite of rice before replying, "It was either learn to cook or put up with yet another woman puttering about my apartment. I think cooking was the more agreeable of the two, personally."

Utena laughed.

"I can only imagine – we take care of everything here ourselves. Then again," she glanced slyly at Juri, "I think your apartment is probably nearly the size of this place."

"Please, I live in downtown Kyoto. It's bigger."

There was laughter around the table, and much playful ribbing for Juri to share the wealth.

"From what I understand," the businesswoman said with a smirk, "You two hardly need it. If I'd realized you were part of the local Tenjou family, perhaps I'd have been nicer to you in school. Your family is filthy rich."

"Yes, well," Utena stuttered, blushing into her rice, "My family...well..."

Anshii gracefully stepped in for her struggling mate, her voice cool and detached, although her expression gave away her deep unhappiness.

"Utena's family is not fond of her, and have only given us leave to live here and manage the apartment building in order to keep us within sight and out of trouble. It wouldn't do to flaunt the fact that a Tokyo Tenjou is not only a teen mother, but living with another girl. They pay for Utena's and the twins' educations, and the rest of our expenses come from rent and key money. The building is old, but we do quite a business with foreigners who want to experience a more traditional style of apartment. That is the official reason Utena has been placed here – she speaks a fair amount of English. Officially, I am the assistant building manager."

That information put a damper on the teenagers, and the rest of the meal was eaten in silence. Verbal silence, at any rate. The noise in Miki's head was beginning to get to him, questions shouting over each other, demanding to be heard.

_'Did they really? Does this mean they're a couple? Is Kozue going to move into Juri's room? Does that mean I get a bigger room? I thought we weren't staying here for long? I wonder how they...'_

The sound of Miki's chopsticks clattering onto his plate made the rest of the room look up, questioning looks on their faces.

"Gochisousama," he murmured, followed by, "I'm more tired than I thought I would be. I believe I'll go to bed now. Goodnight."

Nishiki and Nishiko chorused, "Goodnight!" and the sentiment was echoed by everyone around the table. Utena and Anshii looked a bit puzzled, Kozue looked calm, and Juri looked just the slightest bit embarrassed behind her usual stoic facade. Glancing at Kozue, her eyes were questioning. Kozue just shrugged.

This time it was the questions in Juri's mind that made the end of the meal somewhat less than silent, and the one question that stood out was _'Miki knows, now what do I do?'_

END CH.12


	13. Tanomu: To Ask a Favour

Author's Note: So I was definitely planning on having this done two weeks ago. Unfortunately, I met a very large, very painful writer's block, and my muse deserted me. I would like to think this was to encourage me to get serious about apartment hunting. Now that that's done, my muse came back and gave me a dream that nearly made me get up at two in the morning to finish writing this chapter.

So, uh, have a chapter. I need to go job-hunting next, so uh...hopefully my muse will reward me with another chapter when that's done.

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 3-20 August 2006  
Chapter Sixteen

---------------------------------------------------

"No."

"But-"

"I said no."

"But I only-"

"I am not going to change my mind. The answer is no, and it is not going to change."

"You have to-"

"I would not suggest that you not behave like that, particularly if you are planning to ask her yourself."

"Sometimes, I dislike you just a bit."

"Sometimes I dislike you also, Touga. Now ask her yourself."

Click, went the phone as Juri closed it. She sighed and rubbed her eyes with the heels of her hands, staring blankly at the phone, almost daring it to ring again. _'Well, that was...unexpected.'_

Glancing down at the calendar on her desk, she took up a pen and made a small notation on that date's box, the first character of Touga's surname. Looking back over the other dates so marked, she frowned. _'There is definitely a pattern forming here. And it definitely has to do with the children. Well,' _she sighed once more,_ 'Speculating in a vacuum does me no good. I think I need to talk to Utena as well.'_

---------------------------------------------------

Utena was, at that very moment, telling a bedtime story to a pair of enraptured children. Unlike most children, they didn't often hear tales of princes and princesses. Instead, their parents told them traditional fairytales, samurai stories, translations of Aesop's fables and Dr. Seuss...and a few stories made up on the spot for demanding children who rarely wanted to hear the same tale twice. That night, she was telling the old story of Momotaro, the boy born from a giant peach, and his triumph over the ogres.

"How happy the old man and woman were when they saw their son return safely from Ogre Island! They were very rich now with all the treasure that Momotaro had brought, and they all lived together very, very happily. The end!"

"I want to grow up and fight ogres too," Nishiki said, looking somewhat sleepily up at Utena, "And bring home lots of treasure for Papa and Mama."

Nishiko would have demanded to go along on this pretend, someday adventure...if she hadn't already fallen asleep, clutching a plush white rabbit nearly as big as she was.

Utena just smiled and brushed a lock of purple hair back behind Nishiki's ear, "I'm sure you'd be great at it, too. Now sleep, so you can grow up big and strong enough to beat loads of ogres."

"Kay...goodnight, Papa."

"Goodnight, love."

---------------------------------------------------

As Utena stepped back into her own suite living room, Anshii looked up from her desk and gestured the pink-haired girl over to her. In her other hand was the telephone, and she was frowning slightly.

"Touga," she mouthed once Utena was close enough, and then giggled and swatted at her champion when the young woman pretended to swoon at the mere mention of the former playboy's name.

"What does he want, anyway," Utena asked as she settled down beside her mate, one arm around the smaller girl's waist, "And why is he bothering us so late in the evening?"

Anshii simply shrugged and pressed the button for speaker phone. Suddenly, Touga's voice rang out into the cozy room, mid-sentence.

"...and so I was hoping to speak to Tenjou-kun myself and ask for her permission, though of course I would prefer to have your consent as well, An-, um, Himemiya-san."

Utena stifled a giggle behind her hand. Touga sounded very little like his old super-confident playboy self. In fact, he sounded almost...nervous. _'Who knew that Touga rambles when he's nervous?'_

"Yes, of course," Anshii said soothingly, "You may simply ask Utena, I will be glad to abide by whatever decision she makes."

"Thank you," Touga said, sounding a bit uncertain, "Is...is Tenjou-kun around, perhaps?"

"Right here, Kiryuu," Utena said, and wished she could have seen the look on Touga's face, "What did you want to ask?"

There was a moment of dead silence before Touga spoke again.

"I...I'm sorry, it was just a bit of a shock to hear you again. I've been a bit of a coward about contacting you, actually. I asked Arisugawa-kun to do it for me just today, and she told me to do it myself, so...well, here I am."

Another beat of silence.

"Oh yes, my question. Well, you see...I've been in contact with Arisugawa-kun ever since my graduation, and when I found out that she'd contacted you again...well, and then that she was living with you...I thought perhaps that I should contact you, and..."

"Let me guess. You wanna come and visit us. Or maybe live with us. This is getting to be a theme."

---------------------------------------------------

Quite Some Time Later...

It was an idyllic Sunday morning, and sunlight streamed gently through a window into a well-appointed bedroom and onto the bed therein, causing the two sleeping figures to curl closer together, straight and wavy hair tumbling together across the pillows. Sun or no sun, Sunday morning was for sleeping in, and they intended to do just that.

'Intended' being the operative word.

Knock, knock, knock, said the front door of their suite.

Two pairs of eyes opened and met. Then, in silent agreement, they immediately closed again.

Knock, knock, knock.

Muscles tensed as the pair tried their level best to stay asleep.

Knock knock!

"Wake up, it's our birthday!" A young voice, muffled by the two intervening doors.

Knock knock knock knock!

"It's our birthdaaaaay! Wake uuuuuuuup!" Another young voice, obviously shouting very loudly to make it so clearly into the bedroom.

Twin groans rose from the bed as they made one last - very futile - attempt to go back to sleep. Pulling the covers up over their heads, they froze at the sound of a door opening.

"You forgot to lock it, didn't you," came a soft hiss.

"It's not my fault, you were distracting me!"

"Shh!"

They fell silent just as a pair of pajama-clad children came barreling into the room and leapt onto the bed with them, shouting and bouncing and generally making nuisances of themselves.

"We're six today!" they screamed in unison, and hugged each other, "So wake up, wake up, _wake up_!"

"Alright, alright," came a cry of defeat from under the blankets, "Just let us get dressed and we'll be right down, okay?"

There were more happy shrieks from the children and an unhappy grumble from the other side of the bed, and then they were left alone. And promptly attempted to go back to sleep, only to be stopped by a small head peeking in through the doorway.

"Uncle Touga? Uncle Saionji? We'll be back in a half an hour, and if you're not up we're gonna geeeeeet yooooooouuuuu!"

The door shut on a pair of tortured groans.

END CH.16

(I can hear the shouts of outrage from here.)


	14. Kusuguru: To Tickle

Author's Note: Uhh...sorry? Please don't kill me. I might, emphasis on might, have found a job now. I suppose I'll find out after my second interview tomorrow. Plus, school is slowly killing me. And yet I've found the time to bring you all a new chapter. And no, the story is not going on hiatus, so don't speculate. I'm just going to be a bit slow about updating. God, I hate speculation.

Blame this chapter on Yami Hime Hikari, for reviewing and thusly spurring me on to write. Miki all alone. HeeheehahahaBWAHAHAHA! He should be so lucky. Anyway, chapter time!

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 25 Sept – 05 Oct 2006  
Chapter Seventeen

* * *

"We're six, we're six, happy birthday to us!"

The twins were more or less dancing around the entire first floor of the mansion, singing and bouncing and yelling at the tops of their lungs. They looked ecstatic. Now, if only their parents would share in their joy, everything would be great. Instead, though, Anshii stood at the opening of the kitchen, one hand on her hip, and tried to calm them down.

"Yes, you are indeed six," she said, "And now if the esteemed six-year-olds could please sit down, we can have breakfast."

They were not to be deterred.

"Breakfast is for little kids! We don't need breakfast!"

"But I'm kinda hungry..."

That is to say, Nishiki was not to be deterred. Nishiko, being 'such a girl', in the words of her big sister, was really a much tamer child when she wasn't being carried along by the strength of her twin's personality.

Utena sighed as she put dishes down on the table, wondering how sending them to the third floor to wake up their various 'aunts and uncles' didn't even put a dent in their energy. Though, she had to admit, it _was _pretty funny to see the former duelists, so classy and refined back at Ohtori, come stumbling down the stairs like zombies, mussed and dressed in pajamas. Touga and Saionji in particular had looked horrific, paying their appearances no mind as they argued about whose job it was to lock the door before bed.

The twins had sported proud grins after that one and Utena, presuming that they'd gotten into the pair's room, hoped that they hadn't seen anything traumatic. Not that they would have even noticed. With the food set down, she went to corral the children, and got them in their seats just as an annoyed female voice rang down the stairway.

"I can't believe you forgot to lock the door! What if we hadn't had the blankets pulled up?"

"Well, we weren't-" Miki's words cut off as he and Nanami stepped into the dining room area and were promptly attacked by a pair of six-year-olds who'd fled their seats once again to cause mayhem.

"Good, Uncle Miki is here," chirped Nishiki to the blue-haired young man, "We were gonna come up again and get you soon!"

"Aunt Nanami, Aunt Nanami, come sit down! Mama won't let us eat 'till everybody's sitting down, an' I'm hungry!"

"I've told you not to call me 'aunt'," Nanami muttered as Nishiko took her hand and pulled her towards the table, "It makes me sound old.1"

"But you're Aunt Nanami!"

"I'm not old enough to be an aunt!"

"Nanami," Miki said with a laugh, "You know she doesn't mean anything by it. They just call us all Aunt and Uncle."

Rolling her eyes, Nanami obediently sank into her seat at the table, and at long last breakfast was begun.

After breakfast, which by itself was quite an adventure, the day truly began.

* * *

"Mama, Mama," came a shout as a cheerful six-year-old hugged her mother's leg, "That was fun! You should've come on the ride with us!"

Anshii just smiled and ruffled Nishiki's hair gently, as Utena walked up with Nishiko in her arms.

"Mama doesn't like the fast rides, Ki-chan, remember? Besides, Mama's holding on to Mika-chan and Kero-chan for you," said the pink-haired girl, referring to the two stuffed frogs her mate was holding, along with the backpack containing the essentials.

"She was hardly sitting down here alone," came a smooth voice, and they all turned to see Juri and Kozue sitting nearby, looking rather out of place in the middle of an amusement park, as dressed down as they ever got. Juri was wearing a pair of dark pressed slacks and a white blouse, with a coat in deference to the mid-January weather. Kozue more or less matched her partner, except for the fact that she wore a skirt and seemed a bit tousled, though not a hair was out of place.

The group slowly came back together as the day wore on, a few looking worse for wear. Nanami, in particular, looked rather ruffled and refused to comment on exactly why that was, blushing with embarrassment and anger.

As night began to fall over the still-bustling park, the group made their way to the last few kids' rides, the whole strange little 'family' hanging around and watching the twins enjoy themselves. Much to the delight of said twins, who seemed to have boundless energy, racing back and forth between rides and family members, spreading cheerfulness in their wake.

Eventually, though, it was time to go home, and only the promise of ice cream at home was enough to pull the twins away from their new favourite pastime.

"Papa, Papa," called Nishiko suddenly, tugging at Utena's pant leg as they were headed towards the park entrance to go home, "Papa, I have a question!"

"What's the matter, Ko-chan," Utena asked, worried for a brief second at the intensity with which the child was calling her.

"Why does _koen _mean park in English, but _yuuenchi _also means park? They're not even close to the same thing!"

"Well, um," the pink-haired girl thought for a moment, "I don't know, actually. It uses one of the same characters, doesn't it? For park? I think Americans just call any big open place a 'park'. I even heard that they call _chuushajou_ something like 'car park'."

"That's silly, Papa. _Chuushajou_ isn't like a park either, it's just a big place with lotsa cars in it."

"Well," said Utena with a smile, scooping up the little girl and kissing her forehead, "I guess Americans are just silly."

The child giggled and clung to her Papa's neck, "You're silly too, Papa."

"You think so?"

"Yeah."

"Well, then maybe I am silly. Cause silly people like to do things like...this!" And with that, Utena began to tickle the girl in her arms, causing a brief fit of squealing and laughter that the other park patrons looked upon with amusement.

* * *

It was an exhausted group that straggled into the mansion an hour later, and two soundly sleeping children who'd finally run out of gas the minute the train rumbled out of the station. Unconscious as they were, it took a minimum of fuss to get them changed and into bed, thus allowing the assorted adults and mostly-adults to pass out in their own beds. Within minutes, the only sound to be heard was the gentle chirping of crickets outside.

And the occasional snore.

END CH.17

References:

1: The word for 'aunt' is obasan. It is also a polite way to refer to or address an older (middle aged, etc) woman or for an older man to address a young woman not of his acquaintance (a waitress, etc). It's more or less the equivalent of 'miss' or 'ma'am'. Similarly, one addresses one's aunt as X-obasan. Nanami is complaining that calling her 'Nanami-obasan' makes her sound like she's middle aged.

2: _koen_: 'park', _yuuenchi_: 'amusement park', _chuushajou_: 'parking lot'; 'car park'. The _en_ in _koen_ and _yuuenchi_ is the same character, meaning garden or park.


	15. Sarakedasu: To Confess

Author's Note: Well, I started this only a few days after the last chapter. Then, I drowned in busy (work, school, etc) for a while, not to mention pissed off. There's currently all kinds of drama going on in my student organization, and I'm about to kill some people because I'm really sick and freaking tired of this crap. I DO NOT KNOW EVERYTHING. GET OVER IT. Gah! Anyway, chapter for you. Now with footnotes, thanks to lurk-a-lot. And I was afraid I wouldn't get to blame this chapter on anybody.

Kagayaku Means to Shine Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 30 October 2006  
Chapter Eighteen

* * *

"Hey, Dad?"

Utena and Nishiki were sitting together at the kotatsu(1) in Nishiki's living room putting together a puzzle, having managed to finagle their way out of a post-fifteenth-birthday shopping trip with Anshii and Nishiko. The various other members of their happy little family were off in their own rooms doing whatever it was that they did, leaving the two alone. They'd been sitting quietly together for about an hour, passing pieces back and forth, and the outer edges had quickly taken shape. As the last piece of the outside was pushed into place, Nishiki finally spoke up, having been mulling something over in her head for the last several days.

"Yeah?" Utena's reply was somewhat absentminded, as she turned over a puzzle piece that was almost absurdly odd-shaped. There was silence for a moment, as the older woman waited patiently for her child to speak.

"You remember how, way back when, you told me I could be anything I wanted to?" Nishiki handed her father another piece, and Utena made a small affirmative sound as the two fit together.

"I think so, yeah. I told you that a few times when you were younger, didn't I?"

"Well, it's like this," Nishiki began, pushing another piece into place inside of the border, "I think I want to grow up to be, well..." The girl's voice tapered off again, and they worked for a few more moments in silence.

"What do you think about things like...you know, crossdressers and stuff?" The question was tentative, and not a little probing.

"Dunno. I mean, I did it a bit when I was your age, and you're always wearing the boy uniforms. In fact," Utena grinned crookedly at Nishiki, "With your small bust I bet you're always passing for a boy, huh?"

Nishiki turned bright red.

"Dad!"

"What," demanded a laughing Utena, "I'm your father, I'm allowed to comment. But it makes me wonder how Ko-chan has a bigger chest than you, if you're identical."

Nishiki grumbled something that might have been 'push-up bra', followed by a louder 'it's still rude'.

"Anyway," Utena began again, "I guess I think it's kinda cool. I've seen lots of _okama_(2) perform in bars and things, and I thought that was really neat. And of course, there's always the whole _onabe_(3) thing everywhere."

"Dad!" Nishiki exclaimed once more, "Don't use bad words like that!"

Utena blinked, "What?"

"Those words can be offensive, you know," Nishiki said sharply, full of righteousness, "Especially _okama_. _Nyuuhaafu_(4) is the more polite term."

"Mm, okay. Could you hand me that piece, the one with two tabs and two slots? Thanks. So anyway, what did that have to do with anything?"

"Well, it's like..." Nishiki thought for a moment as she toyed with a couple of pieces that didn't go together, "You know how sometimes the _nyuuhaafu_ really think they're the other sex, and they want to change it? Like, physically?"

"I think so," Utena said thoughtfully, taking one piece from Nishiki's hand and putting it where it went. "Don't they take hormones and things like that? And have surgery?"

Nishiki nodded, pressing the second piece into place before she spoke up once more, quickly, as if spilling the words from a cup.

"Dad, I'm a _nyuuhaafu._ I think I should've been born a boy, and...and I want to fix it."

Having made her declaration, Nishiki shrank down a bit behind the kotatsu, awaiting the judgment and anger she knew was soon to come. Sure, her parents were open-minded and progressive, being a lesbian couple and all, but she doubted they were _that_ progressive. Nobody was.

So imagine her surprise when Utena just chuckled and pressed the joined pieces into place.

"As long as you don't plan on getting up on a stage and singing, I don't mind. Your singing voice is awful."

Nishiki blinked in complete startlement, so Utena continued speaking.

"Besides, I think we knew that about you by the time you entered first grade. Komaba Elementary was a very deliberate choice on our parts, English classes aside. They were the first school that didn't mind about us as your parents, and didn't argue when we said we wanted a boys' uniform for a girl student. Same for Jounan Middle. Not to mention that Ko-chan has insisted on calling you 'big brother' ever since she learned to talk."

Nishiki was silent for several long moments, trying to adjust to this wholly unexpected reaction to her confession, and Utena continued to work in silence.

"You mean...you're not mad? You and Mom still love me?"

Utena looked up, a little taken aback by the shock in Nishiki's voice, but just smiled faintly and turned her eyes back to the puzzle.

"Of course we still love you, dummy. You and your sister are like a pair of miracles to us, and there's nothing you could do to make us stop loving you."

Utena looked up suddenly, locking her liquid blue eyes on the startlingly similar pair across the table, and added softly, "I promise."

Nishiki just stared at her father for several long minutes before tears silently began to fall down her cheeks, blurring her vision. Taking a deep breath, she let out a tiny sob, the words getting caught up in her throat as she wept.

Utena got up and moved around the kotatsu to Nishiki's side, kneeling and wrapping her arms around the sobbing teenager.

"Hey, hey, it's alright. It's gonna be fine, honest." Resting Nishiki's head on her shoulder, Utena smoothed the girl's ruffled hair, tucking a few stray strands behind her ears, "We love you and nothing can change that. It might be weird for a while, and there are lots of things we could stand to learn, but it's gonna be okay, whatever happens."

Nishiki just nodded and continued to cry for some minutes, soaking through the shoulder of Utena's blue sweater, before finally getting herself under some semblance of control. Lifting a tear-stained face to regard her father's gentle expression, she gave a tiny hiccup, which made Utena chuckle.

"I'm sorry...that I acted so surprised that you still love me," the teenager got out between sniffles, "But I read all kinds of stuff on the internet that said, you know... 'your parents won't trust you, or love you, you'll get kicked out or beat up'. Stuff like that. I was scared, I didn't want you not to trust me anymore."

"You and your sister are both smart kids," Utena answered with a little shake of her head, "I think you're old enough to know what you want for yourself, and I trust your judgment. After all," she said with a smile, brushing away a stray tear from her child's cheekbone, "You're at least older than your mother and I were when you two were born. I think that says something."

"Do you ever wish," Nishiki mused as she sat up a little straighter, sniffling and drying her eyes on the handkerchief that Utena handed her, "That you'd waited longer, or that you just hadn't had kids at all?"

"Never," Utena replied, firmly and immediately, "Not even once. Before you were born, we had serious thoughts about it, but in the end we decided it was all for the best, and that we'd do the best we could. I think we did okay, don't you?"

"Yeah. I think so."

A firm hug was Utena's answer, and another little ruffle of Nishiki's hair.

"Let's get back to this puzzle, huh? We don't want your mom and sister to think we've been slacking off, right?"

"Dad," Nishiki gave a rather damp-sounding giggle as she sat the rest of the way up, "I hate to break it to you, but I think doing a puzzle counts as slacking off."

"Shush."

There were a few moments of warm, comfortable silence, broken once more by Nishiki's voice.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"I love you."

"Love you too, kiddo."

* * *

"Ko-chan? Ko-chan, is something wrong? Hey, wake up!" 

Nishiko blinked suddenly, her whole body twitching as she came back to wakefulness, staring into her mother's worried face.

"...Kaasan," she murmured blearily, looking around as if unsure of where she was or how she got there, "Did I...pass out?"

"No," Anshii shook her head, "You just...suddenly stopped talking, right in the middle of a sentence, and stared off at nothing, as if you were entranced. What happened?" Brushing Nishiko's bangs out of her eyes, the older woman surreptitiously checked her youngest for injuries. Satisfied that Nishiko was unhurt, she gazed once more into the blue eyes that so resembled her love's, though still a bit unfocused.

"I...I don't know," Nishiko murmured, her eyes finally focusing as she recounted the vision in a soft voice, "Niichan was there, and Tousan...they were doing a puzzle, and talking. There was crying. I think...I think Niichan finally told," she concluded.

"Told?"

"Yeah. I...well, it's something you need to hear for yourself, I think. It's nothing bad, it can wait a while. Come on," she said suddenly, getting to her feet, "I think there are at least a few stores we haven't been to yet, and I really need some new socks. Those poofy ones are way out of style now."

Somewhat bemused by the sudden change in topic and direction, Anshii just laughed softly and followed the excited fifteen-year-old to the next store, wondering silently to herself how, exactly, socks go in and out of style. And, more importantly, who decides.

* * *

END CH.18

References: (thanks, lurk-a-lot, for reminding me)

kotatsu: A kotatsu is, generally speaking, a heated table. It's got an open wooden frame (like the legs of a table), covered in a blanket or quilt, with a table surface set over it and a heater (either charcoal or electric) under it. You'd sit with your legs under it to keep warm, and sometimes people will even sleep under it, because the Japanese are INSANE and don't have central heat or air.

_okama_: _Okama _(lit. 'a pot', 'a kettle') is a somewhat offensive term for a male-to-female transsexual or, more commonly, a transvestite (or drag) performer. It's also used for male homosexuals in general. Don't use it, especially not in polite company, because it IS OFFENSIVE. You've been warned.

_onabe_: Invented more recently from _okama_, _onabe_ is a slang, somewhat offensive term for a lesbian or female-to-male crossdresser/transsexual/transvestite/drag performer. Not as offensive for lesbians as _rezu _but more offensive than _nyuu dandi_. You have been warned _again_.

_nyuuhaafu_: Japan-ified pronunciation of 'new half', a more new-agey, much less offensive and slang-y term for transgendered/transsexual people/performers in general. May possibly be offensive in certain contexts.


	16. Shaberu: To Chat

Author's Note: This chapter's plot was sketched out ahead of time, which seemed to work pretty well for me. A kind reviewer (Syaoran Li Clow) mentioned that it seemed like the story was coming towards a finale, and it occurred to me that I had no idea. So, I sat down and asked myself 'where am I going with this story?' and 'where is it going to end?' among other things. And then I answered those questions, and so now I have a fairly good idea where things are going. That should help with the short chapters and wandering focus. I'll probably go back and re-write most of it once it's done, though. Also, I included a bit more magic in this one, along with Shiori getting beat up by Kozue. You're welcome, Yami Hime Hikari and lurk-a-lot. Also, cookies for those of you who catch the references in this chapter. There are two. One's hard, the other isn't.

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 7 November 2006  
Chapter Nineteen

* * *

Knock, knock, knock.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Suddenly the door was yanked open, and a grumpy-looking head poked out of it, dark-skinned with blue eyes and two long purple braids. The woman at the door jumped, then looked annoyed at herself for having done so.

"It's a Sunday afternoon," Nishiko snapped, startling the woman with her abrupt and boy-style speech, "What do you want?"

The woman paused to gather her thoughts, then stood up tall, folding her hands and speaking self importantly.

"I'm here to see Arisugawa Juri. I know she lives here, so where is she?"

"Busy," came the terse response, and the door was shut in her face. She blinked, startled, and immediately began knocking once more. This time the young woman stepped partially out onto the landing, and it was evident that she was dressed in some kind of white martial arts gi, and that her belt was a dark blue colour.

"I said she's busy! I'm busy too, so go away!"

"I don't care if she's busy," the woman explained, confident in herself despite the fact that this teenager was both taller and, if the belt was any indication, much stronger and faster than her, "I want to see her, right now!"

The teen opened the door further, and leaned against the inside of the door frame indolently. She grinned. Smirked, more like it.

"Fine. What's your name?"

"I'm Takatsuki Shiori. Now-" and she didn't get any further than that, as Nishiko stepped out of the way of a blue-haired whirlwind, who promptly punched Shiori right in the face. The woman, not so butterfly-like anymore, dropped like a sack of bricks and made a rather satisfying 'thump' as she hit the wood of the landing.

The door closed once more, and all was at peace.

* * *

"Well, that was an interesting little dance," Nishiko commented to Kozue as they made for the dojo, where she'd been practicing for her upcoming black belt test.

"Yes. If I hadn't been in the dojo at that very moment, I would have missed it. Lucky me!" Kozue grinned.

All Shiori had seen was the surface of things; that is, Nishiko and then Kozue's fist. In reality, Nishiko had come out of the dojo at the first knocks to see who was bothering them, and relayed that information back to Nishiki before even opening the door. Juri, and a recently arrived Kozue, had identified the woman, and Nishiko had happily played along to keep her occupied until Kozue arrived in the front hall to take care of things.

Back in the dojo, converted from an empty storage room when the family first moved in, Nishiki laughed aloud as Nishiko relayed the scene to him(1) from the front hall.

_:Oh,:_ said his twin as she moved back towards the dojo from the front hall, _:Thanks for the help with boy-speech.:_

_:No problem,:_ he responded with an internal grin, _:You would never have intimidated her with your girly talk.:_ He nearly snickered out loud as a mental raspberry was blown at him.

Just as Nishiki was beginning to tell it all to Juri, the younger twin arrived back in the dojo, with a very satisfied-looking Kozue, who was cradling her hand and grinning like a maniac.

"I've been wanting to do that since _middle school_," she enthused, "And it was just as much fun as I thought it would be, too."

Juri simply shook her head, "I can't really condone that sort of violence, but I definitely understand the feeling." But condone it she did, rewarding Kozue with a brief kiss, which prompted laughing and razzing from the twins, which in its turn prompted Kozue to shake her injured fist at them.

"I'll get you, just like I got her! Just you wait." Another round of laughter, and Kozue departed to tend to her hand and gloat.

"Don't you still hate her," Nishiki mused as the door shut, "Or whatever?"

The three of them returned to the forms they'd been practicing while they spoke.

"Not really," Juri said softly, turning gracefully in sync with the twins, "I find that I don't care very much anymore, to be honest. I haven't, really, since..."

She trailed off into silence, simply working the kata(2) silently for a moment, until Nishiko spoke up.

"Since when?"

"Oh," Juri said softly, as if drawn out of deep thought, "I suppose I haven't cared about her since your Aunt Kozue came into my life again."

"Aww, that's so romantic," gushed Nishiko with a happy grin, "You two have been together for forever, so it's so cool to see you still being so...so love-love(3)!"

Juri just blushed, muttered 'it's only been twelve years,' and training continued on. Soon enough, the twins were too occupied with training for their upcoming belt test to ask impudent questions, which was just the way she wanted it.

* * *

"So," said a soft male voice, "There is a child. A girl."

Another voice, female this time, fell into the air after a hesitant moment, fluttering like the wings of a butterfly, "Yes. I saw her myself. She looked around sixteen or so, I think, and-"

"Enough," said the first voice again, "And not enough. I require more information, and you will go and acquire it for me."

"Yes, my lord," said the woman's voice, trembling, "But..."

"Oh, that. Wait for your eye to heal, then go. It would not do for you to be wandering about with a black eye."

"Yes, my lord."

* * *

"Hey, 'Shiko-chan! You wanna go shopping this Sunday? I here there's a really cool new shop over in Harajuku selling the coolest new socks ever!" They were waiting for homeroom to start, and Eriko had turned around in her desk, kneeling on the chair, to talk to Nishiko.

"I'd love to, Eri-chan, but I have my black belt test this Sunday..."

Eriko threw her hands up in the air, then folded her arms and rested them on Nishiko's desk, peering up at the dark-skinned girl who'd become her best friend after the first time they'd been paired up in English class. She'd been shamelessly leeching off of the other girl's English skill ever since.

"You're so boring sometimes, you know that? Anyway, how many martial arts is it that you've mastered now? Like, a dozen?"

"Watch your skirt, you'll give the boys a show. Anyway, this is only my third one, and you know it. Jujitsu, Aikido, and now Tang Soo Do." Nishiko smiled, though, and closed up the manga she'd been reading. Eriko simply sighed dramatically.

"But you also do kendo and fencing and swimming and riding _and_ you play the violin like a master. You're like a superhero, I swear. And I bet your brother's just as bad."

Nishiko opened her mouth to respond, but Eriko simply continued on, like a bulldozer under full steam.

"Speaking of Nishiki-kun, is he single again yet? It's like every time I turn around, he has a new girlfriend. I'll never get my chance!"

Nishiko laughed.

"Oh, shush. First of all, I only do a little bit of kendo and fencing. Second, swimming is my sports club and riding is just because my parents do. And Niichan doesn't play violin, he plays piano and does track, not swimming. You wouldn't want him anyway, and you know it."

"I know, I know. He's like your clone or something. Oh, but he's older, so wouldn't that make you _his_ clone? And did you hear those rumours going around that he's really a girl or something? That's totally stupid. Just because he hasn't hit puberty yet doesn't mean he's really a girl. I mean, you're his sister, you'd know. But nobody ever bothers asking you, do they? Oh, and there's yet another rumour going around about you being a lesbian, as if everybody didn't already know that. But wait, if you're twins and you're a lesbian...oh, no! I hope he isn't...hmm, no wait. That would be so cool! Oh, boy/boy love is so cute! Do you think he's gay, 'Shiko-chan? Do you, do you?"

"Uh, no?" Nishiko stammered out a reply to the sudden question, having mostly zoned out on her friend's rambling, "I'm pretty sure he likes girls. But why would you want him to be gay? Wouldn't that mean you could never date him?"

"Well, yeah," Eriko mused, "But then I could dream about him kissing other boys behind the school...and then, at a sports club retreat, they'd..."

"Hey," Nishiko protested, "Don't draw my brother into your dangerous little fantasy world! I told you, he's normal(4)! Besides," she muttered, "Sports club retreats are hard work. We practice all day and sleep like dead people, then get up and do it again the next day. I always come back looking like a prune. Not much time for this and that,(5) really."

"Uh-huh," Eriko responded with a grin, "I bet you've found the time, though, haven't you?"

"With a girl from my team? Are you crazy? No way, not in a million years!"

"Really? How come?"

Just as Nishiko was about to expound on the dangers, difficulties, and general ickiness of dating a teammate, the teacher tapped her folder on her desk and called them all to order for homeroom. Eriko settled back into her seat, and the conversation was shelved for another time.

_:Hey, Niichan,:_ Nishiko called out to her brother.

_:What's up?:_ came the prompt response.

_:You know my friend, Torii Eriko-san?:_

_:The one with the headband and a crush on me the size of the entire Kinki region?:_

The sarcasm was evident in the mental sending, and Nishiko smiled at her book before responding.

_:That's the one.:_

_:What about her?:_

_:She wants you to be gay, so she can fantasize about you and a teammate doing 'this and that' at a sports club retreat.:_

_:Date a teammate? Is is crazy?:_

_:My thoughts exactly.:_

* * *

"I think he's found us."

* * *

END CH.19 (AN: Dun dun dun!)

References:

I'm calling Nishiki by male pronouns now. There's no such distinction in Japanese pronouns, in terms of practical usage, but I'm considering him to be more or less a boy at this point. Plus, it makes it easier. Also, as far as his classmates know, he's always been male. He has a masculine name, has always worn the boys' uniform, uses boy-speech, and is referred to as 'big brother' by Nishiko. It's a very easy mistake to make, and they never corrected it.

Kata – Sort of, meditative sequences of martial arts motions, done to limber up, calm down, and/or strengthen the body. Often done prior to practice, or as part of practice, and sometimes called 'forms'.

Love-love – Typically said in the Japanese fashion (_rabu-rabu_), this means something along the lines of 'lovey-dovey' in this context.

Normal – In Japanese, _futsuu_. It means, literally, 'normal,' but the slang usage is something closer to 'straight,' as in, heterosexual.

This and that – '_sore to are'_, a slang phrase used as a euphemism for petting and/or sex, similar to the English 'hanky-panky,' but less dated.


	17. Warau: To Laugh

Author's Note: Sorry! Ten million times sorry! I actually wrote about the first three pages of this chapter _immediately_ after finishing the last one, but then school and work, and then exams, and then Christmas shopping and work and...well, I got sidetracked. The end result is that the chapter is late, but long. I'll try and be better in the future. Also, woot for 99 reviews. Let's break 100 on chapter 20, shall we?

* * *

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 7 Nov 2006, 28 Dec 2006  
Chapter Twenty

* * *

A soft, worried female voice spoke into a tense silence.

"We've been keeping these things a secret for a long time. They're not stupid, they're going to start asking questions sooner or later. What are we going to tell them?"

"I don't know," responded another, deeper female voice, "I thought we could wait until they were at least sixteen, but if he's found us...well, at least they're older and better equipped than some of us were."

"We've done everything we could," agreed a third voice, male this time, "And if they really do have it...well, maybe they'll finally be able to bring him down once and for all."

"The question is," came a tired, female voice, "Should we send them in, all unknowing, or should we tell them everything now?"

A deeper male voice popped up.

"Do we have any idea as to when he's going to make his next move?"

"Well," mused a smirking female voice, "If the butterfly is in league with him...does anybody disagree with me on that point?"

There was complete silence.

"I thought so. If she's working for him, she won't be coming around at least until she heals from that knockdown I gave her earlier today. So that gives us a little time to plan, at least."

"True enough. We should keep an eye on the twins, though."

There was a rustling sound, and then the same voice spoke again.

"Have you noticed anything odd going on?"

"Not recently," said a new female voice, "But they've been so wrapped up with their practicing that I haven't seen much of them recently."

"The test is next week. If we can put it off until after then, I think it will probably go better."

"You think so?"

"Yes."

"Fine. Until then, we'll concentrate on locating his puppet and figuring out the best way to tell this all to the twins."

"How about the fairytale?"

"I think that might be best. We can work out the details later, but let's get going now before they get suspicious."

* * *

"They're all gathered together again," Nishiko said softly, as she dropped onto her brother's couch in a mirror of his position, backs against the armrests and their feet sharing space on the center cushion, "In mom and dad's rooms this time."

_:Why are you even bothering to talk out loud?:_ came the question from Nishiki, and his answer was a feeling much like a mental shrug.

_:Because I can?:_

_:Let's meld. It's easier to talk that way.:_

'Talk' was a relative term, really. Looking up, two pairs of identical eyes met and two minds merged into one consciousness, which called itself, somewhat sarcastically, Shiiro. Four colours. In that state, they were one person, with double the mental processing. And it was in that state that they shared thoughts, ideas, and musings without effort, truly one mind.

The room fell silent as the twins sat together, relaxing in the comfort and security of their closeness. Some said they were too close for brother and sister, and made insinuations behind their backs, but it wasn't as if they cared. Yes, they were close. It was only natural to be close to someone whose mind you shared.

Knock knock knock!

The door to Nishiki's suite opened and Anshii poked her head in just as one mind in two bodies looked up at her. Two pairs of flat, blank blue eyes met her green ones, and a sudden shiver rocked her body. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, there was a nearly audible sensation of something snapping, and suddenly those two pairs of eyes took on life and personality again, regarding her curiously.

"Yes, Mama? Is something the matter?"

"I...no. It's nothing," Anshii said softly, her voice shaking slightly, "Dinner will be ready soon, please come and set the table."

"Yes, Mama."

"We'll be right down."

The door closed once more, and Anshii sagged against the outside frame. _They've discovered it. They're using it._ Jumbled, incomprehensible thoughts flew through her head at the speed of light, finally condensed into one, coherent thought. _I need to tell Utena._

* * *

Back in Nishiki's living room, the twins looked at each other and a single thought sped back and forth between them. _We've been caught. _It was followed shortly by another thought. _Why didn't you lock the door!?_

There was a brief silence, and then an outraged, _Since when is it _my_ job to lock the door!?_

_:Since always.:_

_:Shut up.:_

* * *

Dinner was a silent affair, which had been happening rather too often for comfort. Everyone was absorbed in their private thoughts, and not even couples spoke more than absolutely necessary.

Anshii, having decided to put off telling Utena until after dinner, continually stole glances at her children, feeling vaguely ashamed of herself as she noted them behaving quite normally, if a little quietly. Still, there was no mistaking what she had seen in their eyes. Back in the dimly-remembered days of her childhood, she had seen that look on her brother's face as he came down from using the Power, and there was no mistaking it. Came down, as if it were a drug. And yet, she mused, as she pushed grains of rice back and forth in the bottom of her rice bowl, they showed none of the strain and effort that he had as he desperately fought to keep his own power under control. Instead, the twins had looked...relaxed?

The sudden clatter of a chopstick falling to the wooden table made Anshii jump, along with the rest of the table, as Miki blushed and retrieved it, mumbling an apology. Juri just chuckled softly, joined by Touga and Utena, and soon the painful tension had dissipated, at least in part, and shortly conversations began to bloom.

"Shi-kun," Touga said, addressing the twins, "Have you practiced yet today?"

They both nodded, and Nishiko answered aloud.

"Yeah. My sports club was canceled today, so Oniichan skipped his and we came home to practice," she said, then elaborated at the questioning look she received, "Neither of us have any meets coming up, so we thought Oniichan skipping one day would be okay."

"Just be careful," Utena said with a smile, "You never know when once can become twice, and then before you know it you've skipped a hundred times."

"This from someone who never stuck with a single club activity for more than a month or two," commented Anshii with an uncharacteristic grin, which was widened by Utena's immediate protest. Juri joined in the teasing, followed by Kozue and then others, and the tension in the room finally broke completely, giving way to loud, cheerful conversation, teasing, and general merrymaking.

With the lightening of the atmosphere came relaxation and, for Anshii, forgetfulness. And so, it wasn't until she slipped into bed beside a quietly snoring Utena that she remembered what she'd seen in the twins' eyes. Snuggling up to Utena's back, she wrapped one arm around the slumbering woman, resting her hand on a flat stomach, and smiled sleepily. They might have come from Utena's belly, but for all intents and purposes, they were Anshii's children, and she loved them.

"Everything will be fine," she murmured softly into Utena's ear, and smiled as the other woman made a little grumbling noise in her sleep, "Everything will be just fine."

* * *

A storm rocked the walls of the mansion that night, sending bolts of lightning crashing down from the sky, heralded by massive crashing thunder that made for restless sleep. Although it seemed fit to last forever, the storm eventually did cease, giving way to a late, watery dawn that saw half of Tokyo without power and nearly twelve million yen (1) in lightning damage. Residents of the city uniformly agreed that it had been one of the worst storms in years.

All that mattered to the twins was that school, for the first time in their short lives, had been canceled. This was due to damage occurring when a small, glancing bolt of lightning hit the main generator. With the power out and the generator damaged, it had been decided that it was far too cold to force students and teachers to show up to the presently unheated building for classes.

"Wow," laughed Nishiki, still dressed in his pajamas, lying in bed and talking to his current girlfriend on the phone, "I thought it would take another big typhoon like the one a couple years ago to cancel school!" (2)

There was a brief period of quiet as, Nishiko presumed, the girl on the other end spoke. She and Nishiki were lounging around in his suite, lazing the day away until their family got home and they were roped into practice or other things. As her elder brother continued to talk on the phone about trivial things that she thought rather banal, Nishiko was busy drawing.

The phone held to one ear, Nishiki leaned over his sister's shoulder and touched one fingertip lightly to the paper, pointing out the slightly odd curve of one leg, which Nishiko promptly corrected.

"No, no, I'm paying attention. No, I'm just hanging out with my sister."

Nishiko smirked.

"Of course we're close, we're twins."

Nishiko drew some more.

"That's stupid," Nishiki protested over the phone, "And pretty gross."

"...No, I _don't_ care if that's the rumour around school. Not only is she my _sister_, she's a lesbian too. Remember?"

"What did you just say? That's just rude. No, I'm not kidding. Why would you think that? You know what, since she's right here listening to me, why don't I ask her?"

Nishiko regarded him quizzically. They weren't linked at the moment, so she only knew what the girl was saying by what Nishiki responded with, and he was sounding more and more angry by the minute.

"Do you stare at other girls in the locker room?"

"No," she answered simply, then went back to drawing.

"She says no," he reported into the phone, "And besides, it's not like you have anything she doesn't see every day anyway. No, it's not like having a guy in your locker room, that's dumb."

With a gesture, he invited Nishiko into his mind, and she went willingly, curious as to what the other girl was saying. Not wanting to interfere, she hung back at a level just deep enough to share a few senses.

"...likes seeing us naked! How is that different from a guy?"

_:Because I'm not desperate enough to _have_ to peek, unlike most guys at our school?:_

Nishiki nearly laughed out loud at the sardonic voice in the back of his head, but managed to hold it together long enough to respond.

"Well, let's see. Because she isn't a guy? Not even all guys are like that, anyway."

"Oh please, as if you wouldn't stare if you found yourself allowed in the girls' locker room."

"No, as a matter of fact I wouldn't. First of all, that's rude. Second of all, my_ entire_ _family_ would beat me if I did. Third, I'd probably just be embarrassed."

"Yeah, right."

"Look, could you at least _try_ to like my sister? I can't imagine how you'd react if you met the rest of my family."

"What, is one of your uncles gay or something? I think that's totally fine. It's just lesbians that are gross, really."

There was a very long moment of complete silence, as the twins processed that and, thinking in tandem, made a decision.

"You know," Nishiki's voice was deceptively mild when he spoke again, "I think I'm going to have to cancel our date on Sunday. I was planning to invite you to my house for dinner, but I don't think it'll work out. Maybe I'll call you sometime. Or maybe not. Bye."

He hung up the phone, smiling vaguely as Nishiko sent a comforting feeling into his mind.

_:Thanks, but I'm okay. I wasn't really dating her for her brains, you know?:_

_:I know. Breaking up with somebody still sucks, though.:_

Nishiki's only response was a silent nod, before he laughed and pounced on his sister.

_:Ah, who cares about stupid girls, anyway? School is canceled, so I vote we just have fun all day long.:_

_:Sansei._(3)

* * *

When their parents came in hours later, it was to find the twins sprawled together across Nishiki's big bed, snoring, and a handful of variously good drawings scattered on and around them. Dressed in their pajamas, hair tucked under them, it was hard to tell them apart, even for the people who had raised them. Without Nishiki's binding tops and Nishiko's alleged push-up bras, their lean bodies were remarkably alike, especially when hidden under loose winter pajamas.

Leaning in the doorway, Utena felt her chest swell with pride at having raised, through some very trying circumstances, such a pair of smart, talented, and overall _good_ teenagers. And then, she walked up and tickled both of them, leaving Anshii to stand in the doorway, watching as her three blue-eyed children wrestled, laughing themselves silly.

_In such happy times,_ she mused, _who wants to think about impending doom? Big brother, I hate you all over again, for trying to ruin this beautiful life that I...that _we_ have built. We _will_ stop you, but...what will it cost our family? I'm afraid to find out._

END CH.20

* * *

References:

(1) Twelve million yen is around about a hundred thousand USD. So not hurricane damage, but pretty damn bad.

(2) Schools never close in Japan. They just don't. Unless there's a typhoon ON TOP OF THE CITY, schools in Japan will not close. I mean, what do you expect? They come to school during freaking summer vacation. And in case you didn't pick it up from Nishiki and Utena being at the kotatsu last chapter, it is most certainly winter. The twins' birthday is in winter, January 27 to be precise.

(3)_ Sansei_ means 'agreed' or something to that effect. It's usually said when somebody suggests something, or when there's a vote, to mean a positive response.


	18. Nakunaru: To Disappear

Author's Note: Why do I even bother apologizing these days? Updates are irregular, this is a fact of life. I work and go to school and practice the koto like mad, while working on another story that may someday actually be finished and published. I don't have much time to write and when I do, I'm always tired so I have very little motivation. As always, I'll try. Feel free to encourage me, but please don't pester me, it doesn't help.

Also, the dream sequence gave me fits like you wouldn't believe. It was originally three pages long, but I couldn't get the effect I was looking for so I scrapped it. Then, I gave the shortened version to a friend, with no details or background, and pestered her for impressions. I think I got it across this time.

* * *

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 1 Feb 2007  
Chapter Twenty-One

* * *

Flushed and sweating, their faces glowing with pride, the twins held aloft their new black belts for inspection. With grins so wide that the tops of their heads looked fit to fall off, they exchanged hugs and chatter with a big crowd of family and even some classmates, sharing in their jubilation. It wasn't long, though, before the party began to wind down and they were gently herded off to the baths by Anshii, with gentle kisses on the forehead.

"Go and get cleaned up, loves. Your father and I will see everyone off and get started on dinner. I already put some clean clothing out for you, also."

"Yes, mama," they chorused and, with one more round of hugs, they went off to scrub the sweat off.

Nishiki sat quietly as Nishiko lathered up his hair, working expert fingers through the thick locks.

_:What will we do if we ever need to wash our own hair,:_ she mused thoughtfully as she begin to rinse it out.

_:Cut it all off, that's what.:_ Nishiki's mental voice was sardonic, even as he closed his eyes in anticipation. Nishiko laughed and gently moved the hand-held shower unit down, carefully rinsing out the thick locks.

_:Good idea, but I kind of like my hair.:_

_:Then I guess we'll just have to not get separated.:_

His voice was uncharacteristically somber, and Nishiko tried to lighten the mood up again, her mental voice gentle and teasing.

_:And I'm sure our future wives won't mind us bathing together, right?:_

It didn't work, and Nishiki's reply was solemn.

_:I don't know about you, but I wouldn't marry a girl who couldn't deal with us being close. You _are _the other half of my soul, you know.:_

_:Yeah,:_ she said softly, _:I know. I feel kind of bad for whomever we love in the future. No matter how much affection we might hold for them...we'll always be each others' soulmates. We can't ever be that to someone else.:_

They bathed in silence, after that.

* * *

The next day at school, both of the twins were oddly silent. Even Nishiki, not normally talkative, seemed exceptionally quiet somehow. Nishiko's friends tried to get her out of what seemed to be a simple bad mood, but failed time and time again. It wasn't until lunch that they finally gave up, at her request.

"Guys," she said with a small, sad smile, "I'm just not really...feeling very cheerful today. It will pass, I promise, but for the moment...I'm just caught in a rut, you know? I hope you understand that I would just really like to be left alone right this second."

Most of her friends dispersed after her impromptu speech, but Eriko simply gave her a long hug and then sat beside her, silent, for the rest of their lunch break.

Nishiko smiled sadly as she ate her lunch. _It's times like this that make me wish...well, for hopeless things. Eri-chan...  
_

* * *

That afternoon, they stood shoulder-to-shoulder in front of the school, waiting for the car to arrive. When it did pull up, only a few minutes late, they climbed in automatically and relaxed into the familiar comfort of the back seat. There were two thermos of hot tea sitting snugly in the cupholders, and they each took one, sipping the warming liquid as they read a small note from their mother.

_To my little princes, _(it said)

_Your father and I have gone out to the shop for a while this afternoon and evening, so don't expect us at home. You can cook if you would like to, or you can have the driver bring you for take out, whichever you prefer. Be sure to drink all the tea I left for you, it's very cold out and I don't want you to catch a chill._

_All my love,_

_Your Mother_

With a quick, silent conference they decided against cooking for themselves, and so Nishiki reached up to tap the driver on the shoulder.

_'Odd,'_ he thought, _'He seems smaller today. I wonder why.'_

The driver inclined his head questioningly, and Nishiki took that as his cue to speak.

"Would you mind taking us to that ramen stand across from the big arcade? Our parents won't be home tonight, so we're going to eat there."

Just then they had to navigate around a sharp curve, and the driver gave him a simple thumbs-up to indicate that he'd heard, and so the young man subsided into the back seat, relaxing quietly with his twin as they dutifully downed the warm green tea.

After five minutes, they began to wonder if the driver had somehow gotten lost.

After six minutes, Nishiki resolved to lean forward and ask the man.

After seven minutes, he started to do just that. He reached forward, but fell back into his seat, feeling bogged down in both mind and body, his thoughts moving like molasses. There was something wrong, they could both feel it, but their fuzzy minds couldn't manage to put things together.

After eight minutes, the thought began to form. _'That's not the driver.' _It moved between the twins like stretched-out clay, thick and slow, and they could not seem to grasp the implications of it.

After nine minutes, they opened eyes that they had not realized were closed, and looked up into rear-view mirror, only to see smug purple eyes, terrifyingly familiar, looking back at them.

After ten minutes, they were dragged into unconsciousness, one last thought echoing between them. _'Caught.'_

And then, they dreamed.

* * *

_Princes exist to save princesses. Princesses exist to be saved by princes._

There is no sound but silence. There are no faces but the blackness of shadow. There is no colour but the pale pastels of dreams and children's books.

A beautiful boy, cape fluttering in the breeze, guides an equally beautiful grey stallion across a snow-covered field so flat and clean that it seems unnatural, the moon illuminating his journey. His sword is held low, and he draws it as he charges into the midst of a bandit group, laying about him, waging battle. And though his sword strikes, over and over, there is no blood.

In short order, the wolf lays dead and the boy, his skin untouched but his white horse and clothes dripping blood, dismounts and makes his way over to a young girl, kneeling at the river's edge with her short hair arranged in loose ringlets, bare feet showing from beneath her short, fluttering skirt. With one hand to his chest, the boy drops to one knee and bows, pale hair falling over his eyes as he does so.

Standing once more, he brushes back the end of his immaculately clean cape and offers his hand to the girl. She refuses it and, with a single movement, he guides her safely to her feet while bending to kiss the gloved hand in his. A tiara sits atop her long, tightly-bound hair, and feet in delicate palace slippers can be glimpsed briefly under the hem of her elaborate, floor-length gown.

Grasping her by her slender waist, the boy lifts the princess up onto his dark steed, taking the reins and beginning to walk up the steps to the castle under the light of a warm spring day, unstirred by even the faintest of breezes. He leaves the fallen roses where they lie.

_When princesses cannot be saved by princes, they must become witches. When princes cannot save princesses, they must become the end of the world._

* * *

They woke, gasping, to the sound of a low male chuckle.

"Welcome to Ohtori, my dear, dear children."

* * *

END CH.21 


	19. Au: To Meet

Author's Note: Sorry. I started this chapter, stared at it for a week, and then suddenly realized "Oh, hey. I need to make a bunch of new characters for this to work. Well, I'd better get on that." And so I did. It took me a few hours, but I came up with five new characters. If you're confused, just say so in your review, and I'll add a glossary of new characters to the end of the chapter. After that bonanza of fun, I sat and stared at what I'd written for another week, then scrapped it and started over. It was like pulling teeth to write this chapter, and it took me several days and a half-dozen re-writes. I'm still not satisfied. But don't worry, I'm not quitting this. I'll keep at it, I promise, until the end.

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 16 February - 2 March 2007  
Chapter Twenty-Two

* * *

Frantic knocking roused Juri out of her near trance as she sat at her desk, labouring over business paperwork. Rubbing her eyes to clear them after hours of staring at the dark print, she made her way over to the door of the suite she shared with Kozue, opening it to find a frantic-looking Utena on the other side.

"They're gone!"

Juri blinked, and Utena repeated herself.

"They're gone!"

"Who's gone? What? Where?" Juri knew she sounded like an idiot, but her brain hadn't quite switched back over from legalese.

Utena looked ready to explode.

"The twins! The car is gone, the driver is missing, and the twins are gone!"

"Oh, shit."

Juri had just enough time to step forward and catch Utena as the younger woman collapsed into gut-wrenching sobs.

* * *

Two familiar shadows, dressed in girls' uniforms, stood making dramatic speaking and listening gestures on an equally familiar rose-marked wall.

"Did you know, did you know, have you heard the news?"

"The little princes have come to our school!"

"But do they know of the beasts in the garden?"

"Roar! I'm a lion!" One girl curled her hands into claws and appeared to menace the other girl, who looked at her.

"The real beasts are much more frightening than lions, or tigers, or bears."

"Oh, my!"

The shadows began to fade, bouncing up and down on the wall.

"Be wary, little princes!"

"The beasts that inhabit _this_ garden are more dangerous than you can know."

"Did you know, did you know, have you heard the news?"

* * *

A dab of pale, reddish purple, brushed delicately over the canvas, gently forming the soft strands of loose, wind-blown hair.

The sound of a pencil scratching.

A touch of pale peach, forming the delicate oval of a girl's face, followed by the vulnerable curve of a throat, then a new brush for the dark green eyes, blank of emotion, and another for the pale pink mouth.

Scratch, scratch.

A touch of darker paint limed the faint shadow under her chin and the tantalizing hint of swelling cleavage over the concealing sheet.

Scratch, scratch.

An arm began to take shape, demurely holding the sheet in place.

Scratch, scratch, scratch.

Just as the soft folds of the fabric began to take shape, there was another brief moment of scratching, followed by a deceptively calm male voice.

"Kazemi-san, what exactly are you doing?"

Brennan, in response, pushed her glasses up on her nose and looked sternly at the paint-spotted Student Council President.

"I am taking minutes, President Shikikawa," she announced in Japanese that still held a faint accent, no matter how hard she tried to fight it, "As any good secretary should."

Keiji pushed a lock of his thick black hair behind one ear, regarding Brennan with some amusement.

"I am sad to inform you that the meeting has not yet begun and, at any rate, my painting is hardly something that needs to be included in the minutes."

"To the contrary, President," countered Brennan, pausing to hold her brown hair in place as the wind picked up, "I believe that anything that happens during the meeting time should be recorded."

Her black eyes met and held his blue ones, and with a sigh, he let her have her way.

"Fine. There is no purpose in arguing amongst ourselves, when the person we need to speak with has not yet arrived."

Brennan frowned and checked her watch.

"He is currently seven and one-half minutes late."

"Late to the meeting to discuss his other shortcomings," came a soft, young male voice, "How very like Vice President Kaguchi."

At the other end of the balcony, lounging indolently on a large pillow set on a pedestal, was a boy who looked more ephemeral than real. Makoto, with his pale skin, white hair, and light purple eyes, was delicately, dreamily pretty in a fashion that set his junior high school classmates afire, as well as a good number of the high school students and, rumour had it, even college students.

"And you obviously have no faults of your own," said Brennan sardonically, "Which would be why your parents love you so much."

The illusion of delicacy shattered as Makoto turned a cold stare on her, a grimace twisting his pretty mouth.

"My parents do love me! I speak to them often, and our family is happy!"

"Then why," Brennan smirked, "Do they call you separately, and from different homes? And why-"

Just as she was about to continue egging the small boy on, the aforementioned Vice President blew out onto the balcony like a tropical storm, flinging himself down into a chair that hadn't been there a moment ago and looking annoyed. Dark blue hair, uncut and untamed, was only partially confined by the tie working valiantly to hold it back, and red eyes sparked with annoyance

"Happy now? I'm here. Now tell me what it is that you want, so I can go back to what I was doing."

Keiji, who had returned to painting, finished up a stroke of pale grey before dipping the brush in water and setting it aside. The model, he simply proceeded to ignore.

"Takeda," Keiji said calmly, "I sincerely doubt that your theatrics are necessary. Now," he continued, forestalling complaint from the other boy, "I believe that we had some business to attend to regarding your recent behaviour."

"As the student council," Brennan said, pencil moving furiously as she recorded even her own words, "We have a certain image to convey."

"You damage this," finished Makoto, his distaste for the blue-haired boy obvious, "By so blatantly intimidating teachers and students alike."

"As if I'm the only one who does it! When was the last time any of you had to do homework, or obey the curfew?" Takeda jumped out of his seat, pacing back and forth and looking frustrated.

Keiji shook his head, his smile only growing.

"There is a difference, Takeda," he said in the tone of a parent cajoling a recalcitrant child, "In that we employ far different methods, in far different situations. Do you understand what I am saying?"

"Be subtle," Brennan said flatly, "And do it where no one can see you in order to tell tales."

Makoto snorted, "You're part of the student council, as much as we would like to deny it. It's not difficult to get what you want, if you-"

"Enough."

Keiji's sharp voice cut the younger boy off, and earned him another of those famous purple-eyed death looks, which fazed him not at all.

"The matter has been discussed. No benefit will be had by continuing this discussion. Therefore, we are moving on to the next piece of business."

And without further ado, he dropped a white envelope onto a table, a faint red mark showing where the rose seal had been.

"You should each have received a similar letter, yes?"

"'The new duelist has come'," Brennan quoted from memory, "And nothing else. Correct?"

There was a round of nods, and then Keiji took the floor once more.

"Indeed. We currently have no information about this new duelist, so we have no choice to but to take it on faith that he will follow the rules of the Rose Seal. Eventually, he will have no choice but to reveal himself and challenge me. Ah, Satoru," he looked pointedly at the young woman still sitting silently and motionless where she'd been left. Speech was the first sign of life she had shown throughout the meeting.

"Yes, Keiji-sama?" Her voice was calm and level, showing no emotion whatsoever.

"What do you know of this new duelist?"

"What could she know," Takeda asked in a disgusted voice, "She's just the Rose Bride."

"Never underestimate anyone, Takeda. Satoru, answer the question."

"I know a small amount," the magenta-haired girl answered softly, her blank eyes revealing nothing. "I have heard the name Tenjou, and I believe that the new duelist is a first-year high school student. Other than that, I know nothing."

"As I said, never underestimate. Now that we have a starting point, we are more fortified against surprise. I believe that is the end of the official business for today. I declare this meeting ended."

And with that, he turned around and resumed painting. The rest of the duelists took themselves off. Satoru never blinked.

* * *

"...And that's the rose garden!"

The shaded hallways echoed with the sound of three sets of footsteps and the excited voice of the guide, until she was interrupted.

"Who are those people?"

"Who? Oh, them! That's the whole Student Council!"

The little procession came to a halt, as the girl assigned to guide them around the campus began listing people.

"The one with the black hair and blue eyes is Sakikawa Keiji, the Student Council President. He's a third-year, and he's a completely awesome artist, his work is hanging up all over campus. The one with the dark blue hair and red eyes is Kaguchi Takeda, the Vice-President. He's really cool, and an ace at sports, but he's kind of scary because he has a bad temper. He's a second-year. The girl with brown hair, brown eyes, and glasses is also a second year. She's Kazemi Brennan, the Secretary. She's half-American, and she lived in America up until a couple of years ago. Isn't that cool?"

The girl was ticking people off on her fingers.

"Oh, and the really pretty third-year middle school boy is Sakeda Makoto, the Treasurer. He's so pretty! His dad is a famous actor, and his mother is a totally gorgeous model!"

"What about that other girl there?"

"Oh, her?" The distaste was evident in the girl's voice, "That's Iwaki Satoru, another middle school third-year. Nobody knows much about her except that she's an orphan, here on a scholarship...actually, I don't even know what her position is in the Student Council. But you know, I think she might be dating the President right now, since she's been hanging around him recently...before, though, she was hanging out with the Vice-President. I wonder what-"

"Fascinating," came the dry interruption, and then a second, similar voice added, "But it's time for class now."

"Oh, no," squealed the guide, and with a quick bow she took off for class, leaving the two people she'd been guiding behind.

A moment later, Keiji turned around in response to a voice calling his name.

"Yes?"

"Sakikawa Keiji, I challenge you to a duel."

"Well," Keiji's voice was calm and confident, "That didn't take long. And who might you be?"

"My name is Tenjou Nishiki."

* * *

END CH.22 


	20. Tsutsumu: To Cover

Author's Note: Kerri let me have my way. NOW YOU KNOW WHY I NEEDED TO KNOW HOW TO SPELL YOUR NAME. XDDDD Steve, this chapter is all for you. On another note: papers, Animal Crossing, Wii, and Kigo fanfiction have stolen my life. Also the Shadow Girls are hard to write. This is all the apology I can come up with at the moment.

You're all going to hate me. I want you to know that I find this funny. I am a bad, bad person.

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 15 April 2007  
Chapter Twenty-Three

* * *

The forest was still and quiet, fog hanging heavy over the scarred marble of the dueling arena, its vast surface occupied only by a small cluster of quiet figures.

"Tenjou-kun. I trust you are ready for our duel?"

A silent nod.

"Very well. Satoru, prepare the duel."

* * *

At Ohtori Academy, that sanctified bastion of peace, serenity, and sanity, a battle was taking place.

"Duck and cover!"

"Get in the classroom, get in the classroom!"

"Are you crazy? Get out of the stairwell!"

A battle that, for once, had not a single blessed thing to do with a certain pair of twins.

"Somebody catch that kangaroo!"

"No way!"

"I got it!"

"Taiki, don't!"

A thump echoed through the hallways as a teenaged boy was flung against the wall, where he stayed, unmoving. He was swiftly forgotten as others battled the oncoming tide.

"Kasajima-senpai, the kangaroo!"

"I see it!"

"On three! One, two, thr-"

"Senpai!"

A second thump followed the first, but this time the victim was significantly less unconscious. As the kangaroo turned to attack a third person, a small blonde blur in an abbreviated boys' uniform flew at the animal's back, knocking it down. Two faceless students swiftly approached and carted it off, leaving Kasajima Mika standing alone in the hallway, barely breathing hard.

A young girl approached the blonde, holding a water bottle out.

"Are you alright, Kasajima-senpai?"

"I'm just great, Mari-chan," boasted the highschooler, flashing a sparkling white grin that turned into a bemused smile as the elementary school girl fainted dead away. Somebody quickly appeared to cart her off, much like the kangaroo, and the blonde simply shrugged.

"Alright everybody, gather round!"

A brief stampede later, Mika was surrounded by a large group of students, stars in their eyes.

"Taiki, you have to learn to dodge punches better."

The young man in question, propped up on a friend's shoulder, blushed.

"Everyone else, good work. Our time is getting better and better, so hopefully we'll be ready by the time the spring competition rolls around. And on that note, I'm calling an end to this meeting of the Animal Wranglers club. See you all next week!"

Mika smiled that same dazzling smile once more, and there were mass faintings of boys and girls both, followed by mass cartings-off by faceless students. The blonde just laughed nervously and addressed a question to a nearby squirrel, charming smile still in place.

"Was it something I said?"

The squirrel fainted and was carted off.

* * *

Keiji nearly fell flat on his face as he spun to dodge a savage strike that would have laid his chest open if it had connected. Sparks flew from the point where the swords met, and he grimaced.

Liquid blue eyes caught his and narrowed, and he raised his sword once again. This duel would not be easily won.

* * *

"Who's that?"

"Who's who?"

"That blonde boy over there."

"What blonde boy- oh wow. You're stupid, aren't you?"

"What did I say?"

"That's no boy! That's Kasajima Mika, the Prince of Ohtori!"

"The...prince?"

"Yes! Oh, she's so dreamy! Kasajima-senpai, I love you!"

"Um, isn't that...a girl?"

"And? It's Kasajima-senpai!"

"I don't get it."

"Kasajima Mika, high school class 1-A! Age sixteen, height one hundred sixty-three centimeters, weight forty-seven point five kilos, measurements eighty-five, seventy, eighty-five(1), a perfect figure! She plays the flute and is the President of the Animal Wranglers club, the chess club, the debate team, and the football team!"

A moment of dead silence.

"We have a football team?"

* * *

"This...this isn't possible!"

"No, it was actually probable."

Dark blue rose petals fell free from their stem and floated away on the breeze, and Keiji watched as Satoru moved slowly to her new master, knelt down, and kissed the girl's hand.

"Nishiko-sama," she murmured, "I am yours."

Nishiki walked away.

* * *

Shadows on a rose-marked wall gestured together, talking cheerfully.

"Did you know, did you know, have you heard the news?"

"The bells have rung," she waved around a little hand bell, "And the princes won!"

"Or at least, one of them did," responded the other girl.

"One soul," the first girl held up one finger, "In two bodies," two more fingers, "Is still two people..."

She held up five fingers to her companion, who ignored her.

"And one person's victory is not the other's!"

"Of all the things you have, little princes..."

"Only the Rose Bride can't be shared!"

"Did you know, did you know, have you heard the news?"

* * *

That night, Nishiki covered his ears and Nishiko covered her Bride.

* * *

END CH.23

(1): Bust-waist-hips measurement. In centimeters, of course. I want you to know that I have no idea. If somebody knows what they're doing with this stuff, let me know. I just kinda guessed here.


	21. Egaku: To Draw

Author's Note: Once again this took a while. I'm sure you're used to it by now. But you should all thank Kerri for being awesome. It's nice to be able to bounce ideas off of somebody, to rant randomly in a dozen different directions about the plot/characterization/relationships/weird and potentially gross incestuous 'relationships', etc, and even to ask if I've made any progress and then support me when I make crying faces and say I just have no idea what to write. Add in the fact that she betas too, I doubt this story would still exist without her. So, everyone, say 'thank you, Kerri, for not letting Shane quit like the dummy-head that he is'. I'm sure it'll make her blush, which would be proper payback.

Also, the character that was first Satoka, then Akiko, is now Satoru. Eventually I'm going to pick one name and stick with it, I swear. I've changed all previous chapters to reflect the new name.

Also! If there are any readers out there with, you know, mad l33t artistic skillz, maybe you could, uh, contact me about maybe doing some character drawings? Please?

* * *

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Primary Pairing: Utena x Anshii  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 7 May 2007 - 3 June 2007  
Chapter Twenty-Four

* * *

"Nikko?"

Nishiko stopped in her tracks, halfway down the stairs leading to the dorm common room. She flushed hotly and looked down, unable to meet her twin's searching eyes at the foot of the steps.

"Morning," she mumbled as she made her way by him, Satoru trailing not far behind.

The morning meal was silent and tense, neither the twins nor the Rose Bride speaking at all. Satoru left immediately after the meal, claiming the need to tend to her roses before class, and Nishiko let her go without comment.

The twins sat silently for a moment longer, until Nishiko couldn't take it anymore.

"I didn't do it."

Nishiki looked up from his empty plate.

"What?"

"I didn't do it. I didn't sleep with her last night."

Nishiki just sat and stared, and so Nishiko continued to blurt out the story.

"I was so...so _angry_. He stole our memories, took everything away from us. The duels, the Rose Bride...they're the keys to getting it all back, but that didn't even factor into my decision. I just wanted to fight, to do _something_ with this anger! I almost didn't even expect to win. But then I did, and I had her, and...well, obviously just winning her wasn't enough."

Nishiko hung her head as she continued.

"She smiled at me when I pushed her down, smiled and laid there like...like a doll. I was still so angry, I wanted to hurt her, wanted to 'possess' her and get our memories back, but...but it felt like rape, even though she smiled. So I couldn't do it. I'm so sorry."

Nishiki blinked.

"You're sorry? Why would you be sorry?"

"I...I was trying to be strong, for both of us. I wanted to find a way to break free, to get our memories back. I wanted...well, I wanted to protect you."

The young man couldn't help but smile as he moved around the table to embrace his twin, rubbing her shoulders lightly as she sniffled, on the edge of tears.

"Thank you for caring, Nikko," he said softly, "But you don't have to take the whole thing on your own shoulders. Just because I'm more sad than I am angry doesn't mean I won't pick up my sword and fight when the time comes. We're twins," he laughed, "We should be in this together, right?"

"You're right," Nishiko agreed after a moment, "I'm still sorry, but now I'm sorry for not letting you stand up for yourself. Let's do this together from now on, okay?"

"Glad to hear you feel that way," Nishiki said, grinning mischeviously all of a sudden, "Because right now, together, we're going to be late for class. Race you there!"

"Wait, what?"

By the time Nishiko had gathered her thoughts, her twin was halfway out the door, bag in hand. Screaming his name, she took off after him and they tore down the path from their otherwise empty dorm, straight into the welcoming arms of a pair of closed gates and one very irate teacher.

"So your fault," Nishiko murmured out of the side of her mouth, and Nishiki was forced to hide a snicker as the teacher set into her once again.

* * *

A horn sounded, signaling a row of gates to open, and eight racehorses took off across the student council balcony. Crowds yelled and cheered, as money changed hands and bets were placed.

The student council members paid no attention to the thunder of horses passing between and around them; they were too busy arguing.

"And I said that I will not be _commanded_ to duel!"

Makoto stood, hands clenched into fists at his sides as he yelled at the student council president.

"Makoto," Keiji said, his usually mild tones coloured with annoyance. He started to speak again, but was cut off by Takeda, who jumped to his feet just as a black stallion charged by, well in the lead.

"Don't be such a spoiled brat!"

"Takeda!" This time, Keiji's voice snapped like a whip, and those around him fell silent. The black horse stumbled, and was overtaken by a smaller grey.

"Now, Makoto," he said, voice once again soft, "We have already discussed why we believe you would be best to fight this girl. She is strong, and somewhat fleet of foot, but severely lacking in trained skill. You are the best match for her talents." The grey slowed a bit, the crowd catching up to him.

"I don't care," Makoto replied coldly, "I am a duelist in my own right, and I refuse to be ordered to make a challenge. Now, if that is all, I will be going."

"Idiot," Brennan murmured, as Makoto stalked out and a white horse came from behind to win the race. Several losing bet-tickets fell from her hand to the floor and blew away in the gentle breeze.

* * *

Standing in his dorm room, Makoto shook with silently burning rage, his teeth clenching together so hard that it seemed they might break. Clenched in his hand, crinkled by the strength of his grip, was a piece of rose-marked paper.

* * *

"Tenjou Nishiki."

"I prefer to be called Nishiko, if you don't mind."

"I challenge you to a duel."

"Well, it wouldn't hurt you to be polite, would it?"

But he was already walking away.

* * *

Nishiko dueled alone this time, her brother nowhere near the dueling arena. Facing her opponent, sword a somehow comforting weight in one hand, she couldn't help but smile.

"Let's go," she said bluntly, the grin making her look somewhat bloodthirsty.

Rather than being intimidated, however, the young man across from her simply frowned and shifted his grip on his own sword, the modified fencing rapier nearly dangling from his fingertips as he waited for her to make the first move. After several long moments of still silence, she obliged.

_Challenge her._

That was all the letter had said. And that was all that ran through Makoto's mind as he slid away from the brash attack like a puddle of mercury. His attention was only just barely on the fight taking place, and it showed in his impassive expression, particularly when compared with the savage, delighted grin widening over Nishiko's face as they fought.

_Challenge her. Challenge her. Challenge her. Challenge her._

_I am not your _dog_, World's End!_

His own attack went wide as another thought struck him like a bolt from the blue.

_And yet I challenged her._

He mulled this thought over for several moments, even as he traded blows with the enthusiastic, if highly untrained, young woman. She was strong and fast, but extremely unsubtle, making up for in sheer power what she lacked in training. He doubted that he would win, as his physical strength was nil compared to that of the dark-skinned girl. Defeat was an eventual reality.

And he couldn't find the energy to care.

* * *

His charcoal flew over sheet after sheet of paper, his hands, face, and clothes covered in dark smudges. His expression was full of tension, his eyes flicking rapidly back and forth from his paper to his subject. The vast majority of the details were purely imagination, as the person he was drawing was much too far away to observe more clearly. Still, they were remarkably true to life.

As the duel below him stretched on, the sheets of paper stacked up.

"Like a hunting cat," he murmured, charcoal never ceasing its motion, "Or a wolf. A beautiful, terrible beast...graceful, powerful...tearing down everything in its path. The perfect model."

Another sketch joined the pile. A rose was cut away from a white shirt and the Rose Bride left once more with her master. He barely noticed, and the stack continued to grow.

* * *

A pair of girls on a rose-marked wall.

"Did you know, did you know, have you heard the news?"

"Children should respect their elders and always do as they're told!" One of the girls waggled a finger at the group of running, jumping young children suddenly surrounding them.

"Even if it's something that's hard for them to do?"

"Even then! They should ganbaru(1)!"

"Even if it's something bad that they shouldn't do?"

"Even then! Adults always know best!"

"Even if it's not an adult telling them what to do, but just an older child?"

"Even then! Elders are elders, and you should always obey them!"

"You know, you're only two months older than me. I'm not going to listen to you."

The girl being addressed wilted.

"I know."

* * *

END CH.24

* * *

References:

(1): 'Ganbaru' means to try one's best. Usually said in the form 'ganbatte', 'do your best'. Often (mis)translated as 'good luck'.


	22. Oyogu: To Swim

Author's Note: This chapter has been complete for, uh...a little over a month? For some reason I didn't upload it...it may have been that my internet was out, and I forgot to do it afterwards. Sorry! I'll get on the next one right away!

Dang, already twenty-five chapters. Nuts, huh? I've never in my life written this much of a story before. Maybe after this I'll actually be able to work on my original fictions. That would be nice.

On another note, have you ever tried to sit down and write and your head is just completely blank? Not a single dang idea to be found? Yeah, that was me on this chapter. I had to hash it out with Kerri first.

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 10 June 2007  
Chapter Twenty-Five

* * *

Keiji was drawing again, had been drawing for hours. Again. Barely acknowledging the world outside of his art, being coaxed to eat and sleep only with the greatest of efforts.

Several feet away, thoroughly ignored, stood another young man, and his crimson eyes burned as hot as any fire ever conceived of by man.

"Why do you obsess over that stupid girl?" he demanded, angrily. A snarl twisted his mouth as the black-haired young man responded without ever looking away from his paper.

"Because she is perfect. She is the model I have been awaiting for years, the perfect model to spark my creativity, to bring my paintings to life, to give me purpose in my art." His words were calmly spoken, but the spark of obsession was very poorly hidden, and Takeda's anger burned hotter and hotter with each word spoken.

"Perfection? That skinny, stupid little girl? A foolish child with a lucky streak that makes her think she's something special, that she's somehow worthy to-"

"Enough!"

Takeda froze nearly in mid-word as Keiji's blue eyes snapped at him from across the room. And as glad as he was to see those eyes directed at something other than the crowded drawing table, he couldn't help being taken somewhat aback by the naked anger that shone through. He'd never seen Keiji lose control like this, not even when...

"This issue is no longer up for discussion, Takeda. I will not tolerate this questioning. Now leave me, I dislike being interrupted at my work."

And, with a snarl more of hurt than of anger, Takeda whirled and left, only footsteps and the sound of a slamming door lingering after he was gone.

* * *

"No, no, no...please work? Please? Oh no, I'll be late to class! Please open!"

Small, feminine hands fumbled with the locker's spinner, entering the combination over and over and despairing as it failed, over and over, to accept it and open. Kasajima Maki was about ready to quit and go to class without his books, after all.

The slim boy jumped and squealed as a fist suddenly thumped against the locker's surface, causing it to obligingly pop right open.

"Oh thank goodness," Maki sighed, turning and meeting the bluest, most amazing eyes he'd ever seen in his life. His heart stopped.

"Oh my," he murmured.

Nishiki was no less stunned. Having seen what he thought was Kasajima Mika fumbling with her locker, he had planned to offer his assistance to the President of the chess club, of which he was a member.

Instead, he found himself face-to-face with the most beautiful boy he'd ever seen, and to his complete surprise he felt his heart pounding, almost – but not quite – as if he was nervous. He forced himself to look away, at least briefly, trying to shake the sharp and sudden feeling of...almost _need_ to drown in those green eyes.

"Y-you're not..." His cheeks flushed hotly as he stuttered, and cleared his throat before trying again, "Oh, I apologize. I thought...well, I suppose I mistook you for Kasajima Mika-buchou (1). That was my mistake."

"N-no, that's alright. It happens a lot, I guess, because we're twins. And she wears the boys' uniform, so..." Maki blushed as well, though it was more luridly visible on his pale skin, "You're Tenjou...Tenjou Nishiki, right? Your twin is Tenjou Nishiko, right?"

"Yes," Nishiki responded, filing the oddity of Maki's speech style (2) away for future examination, "But I think we're easier to tell apart, since she wears the girls' uniform. How do you know my sister?"

"We're in the literature club together. It's really amazing that she finds the time to be in the literature club and the swim club. I would never be able to do it. Of course, I'm the President of the literature club, so it takes a lot of my time."

"Really?" As long as he didn't meet Maki's eyes too often, Nishiki found that it wasn't too terribly difficult to hold a lucid conversation with the other boy. "Your sister is the President of several clubs, isn't she?"

And for the first time, Maki's genial expression collapsed.

"Well," he said with unexpected sharpness, "We can't all be perfect, shining princes, can we? Excuse me, I'm going to be late to class."

And with that, he snatched up his books, slammed his locker closed, and stalked off down the hall, leaving Nishiki wondering if it had been something he said.

* * *

In another part of the school, headed for the swimming pool, Nishiko was feeling in a bit of an odd mood herself, and suspected that at least a little of it was feedback from her brother. In any case, she couldn't seem to decide if she wanted to be annoying, flirty, or both, and glanced about restlessly for a target to expend both emotions on. Someone shy, maybe, that she could tease without having to worry about unwanted advances in return.

That wasn't what she found. What she found, instead, was Kasajima Mika.

_This could be dangerous_, she thought. Not that it stopped her. If anything, it excited her even more than the duels did, and those were otherwise the most exciting things in her life.

"Kasajima-senpai," she said with a slightly more toothy smile than was really called for, catching up with the older girl and then slowing to walk alongside her.

"Tenjou-kun," Mika said with a more tame smile than the one that caused mass-faintings.

"You're looking exceptionally handsome today," Nishiko said, grinning. Her grin widened as Mika trotted a few steps in front of her, turning around and sketching a courtly bow before resuming walking. It was nice to have someone get into the game so quickly.

"Why thank you, my lady! You're looking remarkably beautiful as well."

Nishiko couldn't help but smile, knowing full well that she was still damp from her recent swim club practice and subsequent shower, and looking far from her best.

"Have you thought about having your eyes examined, o fair Prince?"

"Oh indeed! But my eyes are perfect, I assure you. Only the best to admire my admirers with, after all."

"And do you?" At Mika's blank look, Nishiko expanded the question, "Do you admire your admirers, I mean."

"Of course!" Mika laughed, "Boys, girls, it hardly matters to me. I find something to admire in everyone."

"Oh, really?" This time, it was Nishiko's turn to trot ahead and turn around, her hands clasped behind her back as she bent forward slightly, positioning herself to look cutely up at the upperclassman, "And what do you admire about me, Kasajima-senpai?"

"Please, call me Mika. And I admire your eyes, naturally! They're beautiful, you know."

Nishiko fluttered purple lashes above the aforementioned eyes, putting her most girly expression on.

"Just my eyes? That's all?" She was fishing for compliments, and they both knew it. Mika obliged anyway. All part of the game.

"Ah, your eyes are only the beginning! There is so much to admire, after all, I had to choose a place to begin."

"Well, that's alright then...as long as you tell me all those other things that you admire!"

"Ah, but that would be telling, would it not? A Prince must have some secrets, after all!"

"Oh, you tease me! How cruel!"

They both laughed at Nishiko's overacting, then continued to walk side-by-side, not speaking for several moments until Mika broke the silence.

"On your way home from swim practice, I presume?"

"Can you tell?" Nishiko asked dryly, looking pointedly at her duffle bag, prominently labeled 'Ohtori Academy Swim Club'.

"Not at all," Mika responded equally dryly, before they both started laughing again. "Well, my dorm is next door to yours, I believe. Shall I walk you home?"

"I think I like that idea," Nishiko answered with a smile, switching her duffle bag to her other hand and boldly hooking her now free arm through Mika's, "Lead on, fair Prince."

As they walked, a single blood red rose tumbled from the back of Nishiko's bag to rest, pristine, in the middle of the path. Tied to the rose was a note, in bold, masculine characters.

"I challenge you."

* * *

Two shadows on a rose-marked wall, one painting and the other apparently filing her nails.

"Did you know, did you know, have you heard the news?"

"I'm painting a picture of the perfect girl! The painting girl pointed at her canvas with her brush.

"That looks more like a dog to me," observed the other girl without looking up.

"Oh, no!"

The canvas becomes visible, and on it is a small, sketchy creature with a long snout, a round belly, and a long string coming from its navel. (3)

"Oh dear, someone should tell all the artists in the world!"

"Tell them what?"

"That there's no such thing as a perfect girl!"

"But I'm perfect!"

"Not even close."

"Oh!" The girl who had been painting mimed being shot, clutching her hands over her heart.

"But it's true. There really are no perfect girls."

"Did you know, did you know, have you heard the news?"

END CH.25

REFERENCES:

(1) Buchou: A title given to club presidents, typically attached to their last or (rarely) first names.

(2) Maki's speech: This is sort of an odd reference. The way I see Maki speaking is...not _precisely_ girly, but not masculine. More gender-neutral (i.e. Using 'watashi' instead of 'boku' or equivalents), which would sound kind of formal in some instances. It would just be odd to hear a boy using gender-neutral speech in casual situations, that's all. And he uses 'ne' a lot, which is a girly speech aspect.

(3) The little red creature from the Utena movie, the one that Shiori drew on Touga's back and which subsequently appeared in the first 'scandalous videotape', with Chuchu. Nobody seems to remember it, so look here (the address is segmented to work on add the dots and slashes in yourself) www _dot_ ohtori _dot_ nu _slash_ gallery _slash_ movie _slash _Screen29 _dot _jpg.


	23. Hensoku: To Shift Gears

Author's Note: Double ugh! This is the second posting of this chapter. This dumb thing was delaying the next chapter because I just couldn't stand the way this one came out. So, I tweaked it here and there and chopped off the very last scene because it ruined my storyline. Hopefully chapter 27 will be out shortly now that I've fixed it. I'm such a horrible person.

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 16 August 2007 – 18 September 2007  
Re-written: 12 January 2008  
Chapter Twenty-Six

Nishiko grunted with pain as her back slammed against the stone floor of the dueling arena, but otherwise ignored it. She was much more occupied with rolling out of the way of the rapidly decending sword tip, aimed square at her throat.

Takeda was screaming at her as his sword fell again and again, striking sparks from the stone as he cried out for her to die, to stay away from his Keiji, just to give up and go away.

"You don't understand what's at stake," he growled as he held her pinned to the ground, his blade against the flat of hers as she held him off. Her arms were trembling, though, and slowly his sword began to move downwards.

"No, I don't," she gasped and then, as she hooked her foot around his ankle and _pulled_, she snarled "And I don't care!"

* * *

"Takeda," said Keiji in what was very nearly a moan, "I would be angry with you, if it weren't for how beautifully she fights..."

And as the red rose fell to the stones, he set aside the completed drawing and began another, and another, and another.

* * *

Nishiko was walking home after the duel, wound tight by nervous energy and lost in her own thoughts. Footsteps sounded behind her, and it suddenly occurred to her that perhaps, just perhaps, she shouldn't have been walking through campus alone, so late in the evening. Tensing, she was prepared to run away until a familiar voice rang out of the darkness.

"Hello there, pretty girl. How are you?"

"Mika!" Nishiko's relief was clearly audible, even as she proceeded to chasten the other girl, "You scared the life out of me! I thought you were a killer or a rapist or something!"

"No, just a completely normal guy. I mean girl."

Mika's grin was infectious, and Nishiko found herself smiling as she answered.

"I'm fairly certain that you're a girl, though I suppose a more detailed examination would be necessary to be absolutely sure."

Blonde eyebrows rose inquiringly.

"Really?"

"Really. Come on, walk with me and I'll explain how it works."

"Now that," Mika said cheerfully, as she held out her arm for Nishiko to hold on to, "Is the best offer I've had all day."

"I doubt that," Nishiko responded as she hugged Mika's arm to her chest, "But you're cute so I'll let it slide."

How they ended up in her dorm, Nishiko knew. The invitation was slyly offered and cheerily accepted.

How they ended up in her bedroom, Nishiko had a pretty good idea. It probably involved giggling and flirting.

How they ended up in her bed, Nishiko wasn't really clear on. It may or may not have involved kisses and whispered temptations.

And as to what happened after they landed on the soft surface, she really had no idea how that happened, only vague impressions of smooth skin, her own gasping voice calling Mika's name, and the pebbled surface of the ceiling. It was all very graceful, and the thought kept running through her head that perhaps the stories _were_ right, from time to time.

* * *

Nishiki was deep in thought as he opened the door of the dorm building he shared with his sister, having had a long and rather insightful conversation with Maki on his way back from campus. He heard the faint sound of humming from the kitchen and continued on, correctly presuming that it was only Satoru, cooking something strange again.

He dropped his school things on his bed and, struck by a sudden urge to talk to his twin, made for the door joining their bedrooms. Without thought, he turned the knob and pushed, then froze.

With a small strangled gasp, he turned away, yanking the door shut behind him. Dropping into a defensive, almost fetal crouch, he clapped his hands over his ears, but it was too late. The sights, the sounds, had worked their way into his head and a thin, high scream escaped from between his gritted teeth.

The girl with Maki's face hovering over his sister, one hand between their bodies.

Nishiko, her head thrown back and her body, her stomach and breasts, arching upwards, her hands grasping at her sheets.

Neither one had noticed him.

Closing the door behind him, he began to run.

* * *

He ran for as long as his legs would support him, then collapsed to his knees at the edge of the large fountain, gasping for breath. Leaning over the rim of the fountain, he draped his arm over the cool stone and dipped his fingers into the water.

He knelt there for several minutes as his breathing slowly returned to normal, trying to find something to take his mind off of the images still dancing through his skull, growing from his brief glimpse into a full, fevered fantasy that made the bile rise in his throat.

A soft rumbling sound started in the distance. He ignored it.

"Why? What is she doing?" Over and over in his head, the image of her arching back, her gasping mouth. With a strangled cry, he clapped his hands over his ears, pressing his forehead to the marble and beginning to sob.

The sudden screech of tires shocked him into full awareness, just in time to see headlights coming right at him, far too close for comfort. In a moment of clarity – or perhaps insanity – he decided that what would be, would be. He gazed at the car, face slack.

The car did not hit him as it raced by, a shining red streak. Somehow, he wasn't terribly surprised. What did surprise him was the low chuckle that hit his ears a moment later.

"You look comfortable."

"Very," was the dry response.

"Not very talkative, are you?"

Utter silence in response brought another soft chuckle. The voice, when it came again, very nearly dripped condescension.

"I see. Your young world is ending then, is it?"

"Yes."

"I very much doubt that."

Nishiki didn't move as he heard and felt the figure squatting down beside him, the voice coming soft and breathy against the side of his face. The smell of roses wafted to his nose, and he fought not to take a deep breath of the heady scent.

"You heard the car, didn't you? If your heart has not truly given up, then you can hear the sound that races through the end of the world. Come, journey with me, to the world you desire!"

The fervent voice in his ear and the gentle hands on his back clouded his mind and all he could do was sigh.

* * *

By the time he'd regained self-awareness, he found himself in the back seat of a red car, feeling an intense sort of dejavu as they traveled down a dark, empty road, with neatly spaced street lights flashing by on both sides. He counted them for a while, wondering vaguely why he was where he was.

He could see the back of a man's head in the driver's seat. He had the feeling that this man was somehow intensely familiar but strange all at once, reeking of roses in a way that made Nishiki realize this must be the man who'd spoken to him. He felt weak.

He slowly turned his head, and although it moved when he told it to, it felt almost as if it wasn't under his control. Sitting in the passenger seat was Maki, staring intently at the road in front of them. Nishiki felt his eyes widen, though somehow his shock and surprise felt distant, much in the way that his slow-moving thoughts felt like someone else's.

"...where...?"

It took most of his energy to get even that one word out, but the man in the driver's seat just laughed. The radio changed, and suddenly the driver's seat was empty and the driver was sitting on the hood, his immaculately white shirt falling open.

Nishiki went back to counting the street lamps.

* * *

The white couches shone intensely under the faint light of the stars that danced on the ceiling.

"The evening star, she dims."

"Venus?"

"Indeed. My name comes from the word for Venus, who is the first planet to appear at night and the last to dim in the morning, but..."

"But?"

"But the morning star can also refer to Lucifer, the lord of darkness."

"Lucifer..."

"Yes. You know what you must do, don't you?"

"Do..."

"Challenge her. Bring her to her knees, break her."

"Break her..."

"Exactly."

Later, Nishiki would reflect that his back arched the same way as his twin's.

END CH.26


	24. Kakimawasu: To Ransack

Author's Note: I am a horrible person. I apologize for the lack of updates, I didn't even realize it had been so long. If I ever go this long again without an update, please feel free to email me and berate me for it. I swear I won't feel pressured, it's just that sometimes, I need a swift kick in the, uh, tail.

Also? For those of you who read chapter 26 before 12 January 2008, that last scene never happened. If you don't know what I'm talking about, good. If you do, go back to chapter 26 and look over the revisions I made.

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 12 January 2008-2 February 2008  
Chapter Twenty-Seven

The grinding of teeth, the crunching of paper gripped far too tightly, heaving breaths through the nose...all little sounds that went unheard by the embracing pair sitting on a blanket just a few meters away. Had they been aware of the person spying on them, doubtless the pair would have tempered their behaviour at least a bit, but in the absence of this awareness their embrace became steadily more amorous, until finally the watcher could take no more and turned sharply on one heel, marching away and allowing the crumpled paper to float to the ground. It had served its purpose.

* * *

"I'm home," called Nishiko as she stepped into her dorm building, kicking her outside shoes off and stuffing her feet into a pair of slippers. Silence greeted her. She frowned and began to wander through the building, poking her head into various rooms and finding nothing.

"Nikki? Satoru?"

She finally came to the bedrooms and nudged open the door to the room she shared with Satoru, only to find the place completely ransacked. The table was overturned, the desks emptied and their contents flung to the floor. She froze, extending every sense she possessed in an attempt to decide whether the danger lingered or not. The room felt fine, though, so she cautiously made her way further inside, straightening whatever was easily put right as she moved by it.

Finally, in the very center of the top bunk, her bed and the only untouched area of the room, was a neatly folded note with an elaborate brown wax seal holding it closed. Cracking it open after noting the image on the seal, a pegasus chained, she read the single line scribed within, in neat, precise handwriting, before snarling and crumpling it up.

"I don't _think so_," she snarled as she dropped the note in an unwitting mirror of that afternoon's spy and stalked out, "The Bride is _mine_!"

* * *

Satoru lay quietly on the stone of the dueling arena, staring blankly into space. She'd struggled, earlier, and her face and arms bore the marks of her captor's displeasure. The very same 'captor' on whose legs her head was now resting, the very same 'captor' who was stroking her hair with bloodied hands, as if she was a pet or a doll, who was murmuring to her in a low, hoarse voice. Brennan.

"Why did you struggle, darling? I didn't want to have to hurt you, but what else can I do when you fight me like that? All I want to do is make you happy! What is _she_ doing? She neglects you, ignores you, runs around with that _freak_ in the boys' uniform...I would never do that! I would cherish you, bury you in affection and gifts, protect you..."

The insensible muttering continued, but Satoru wasn't listening. Her eyes moved suddenly to the entrance of the arena, where Nishiko was just reaching the top of the stairs. Even from that distance, Satoru could see her eyes flashing in pure fury. Evidently, so could Brennan.

Pushing Satoru out of her lap like a discarded toy, Brennan stood, one hand wrapped around Satoru's upper arm forcing the smaller girl to do so as well. Her voice when she spoke was shrill, furious, and utterly insane.

"So, now you want her, eh? Is that how it is? You only want her when she's not yours! You don't deserve her, and I'm going to take her away from you! She loves me, you'll see! She's mine! I'll kill you!"

Nishiko cursed under her breath as Brennan drew a heavy sabre from the sheath at her side, and wished fervently that she'd thought to bring her own sword. Now, unarmed and apparently engaged in a battle for her life, she was cursing her own foolishness as she scrambled backwards to avoid the taller girl's haphazard swings.

Satoru, meanwhile, was casting about for a way to distract Brennan for at least a quick moment. Finally, she settled for the tried-and-true.

"Kill her, Nishiko-sama! I know you can beat her!"

Brennan paused, turning a horror-struck expression on Satoru just as the latter yanked Nishiko away.

"Nishiko-sama, please be still for a moment," she said quickly as she laid one small hand on Nishiko's chest, right over her breastbone, "This won't hurt."

And with that, she drew a slim, beautiful sabre from Nishiko's chest, the hilt golden and the knuckle guard bearing a bluish-purple jewel that shone with an almost blinding light as it settled into Nishiko's hand. Startled bright blue eyes met dim green bearing an unusual expression of hopefulness for a bare instant before Brennan reached out to rip Satoru away and fling her to the ground again.

Nishiko barely managed to bring her sword up to guard as Brennan's came at her; sloppy but powerful, a poor combination when battling with live weapons and liable to put someone's life at risk. A series of hurried and distinctly ungraceful blocks allowed Nishiko to pull back a few steps at least, giving herself a little more space to work in as she continued to deflect Brennan's attacks, hoping to tire her out.

Brennan, crazed though she was, caught on to Nishiko's tactic of constant blocking fairly quickly, and began to scream again, battering at the darker girl's gleaming blade without cease until Nishiko felt ready to collapse from the effort of defending herself. Finally, she slipped to one knee before Brennan, her breath coming in harsh gasps and her eyes sparking with anger. Brennan just laughed, spinning her sword in one hand as she raised it above her head, intending to bring it down for one final strike that would inevitably smash through Nishiko's weakened guard and quite possibly kill her. With a yell, she began to bring the sword down...

Only to gasp in sudden agony as a sensation bloomed in her stomach like none she'd ever felt. Her first wild thought was that Nishiko had just stabbed her, but the other girl's sword was lying on the ground, clean. It had been, rather than her sword, Nishiko's fist that had exploded into Brennan's stomach, leaving her feeling as if her midsection had just been ripped out.

And before she had time to properly process what had just happened, Nishiko was knocking her feet out from under her and putting one foot to the wrist of her sword hand.

"Let it go," the purple-haired girl snarled, and Brennan had no choice but to obey.

"What is mine is mine, whether I abuse it or not. Now leave Satoru – and me – alone, or I won't hesitate to do more than wind you and knock you over!"

And with that, she pressed down with her foot hard enough to draw an agonized wail from Brennan before turning and walking away, her discarded sword shimmering out of existence as she left the arena, Satoru scrambling to her feet to follow with only one quick glance back at Brennan, who was slowly getting to her feet, cradling her injured wrist with a look of impotent, thwarted rage.

* * *

Satoru sat quietly on her bunk, a little stunned, as Nishiko tended to the bruises and cuts the pale girl had taken at Brennan's hands, her touch as surprisingly gentle as her voice.

"I have been neglecting you, haven't I? I'm sorry. I don't mean to treat you so poorly...and don't you dare say it's alright because we're 'engaged'," she added, just in time to stop Satoru from saying exactly that.

"But it is-"

"No it isn't. You're a human being, and I barely even seem to think of you that way, and that isn't acceptable no matter who I'm doing it to, so shush and let me take care of you. Then, I'm going to clean up this mess while you rest, and then we'll go to bed. Alright?"

"...Alright."

* * *

Later than night, with the mess cleaned up and Satoru sleeping peacefully, Nishiko finally changed into her pajamas and scaled the ladder to her own bed.

Lying there on her pillow was a white rose and a note.

Nishiko was really starting to hate notes.

END CH.27

* * *

Another note: I called Nishiko's heart-sword a sabre. It's supposed to look like the Sword of Dios, which I'm relatively certain is a light sabre. I'm not completely sure, but how am I supposed to know when it looks like the bastard child of a rapier and a sabre? I mean seriously. 


	25. Interludes in Colour

Author's Note: Because I'm still alive, I swear, but I can't seem to find the inspiration to continue writing the actual story, I present to my loyal (and new) readers a series of character dreams and awakenings. There are a couple more characters that I could have included here, but one you've only met briefly and the other you haven't met at all, so I decided to hold off on them. Enjoy! Once my brain decompresses (now that finals are over) and I finish packing and moving, we'll see about a new chapter.

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

Interludes in Colour

* * *

Nishiko is dreaming furiously, images passing behind her closed lids almost faster than she can process them. Smiling blue eyes, pale skin, pink hair. Someone she should know. Brown eyes, this time, and pale hair, a headband that should be significant but she can't imagine why. "Eriko." The name is on her lips as she wakes up, but she's forgotten the face already. Shaking her head, she dispels the last of the dream-phantoms and prepares to begin her day, feeling unaccountably lonely.

* * *

Nishiki is content, floating in soothing black coolness, not sure if his eyes are open or closed, not sure if he's naked or clothed. It doesn't matter, there is no one here to judge him anyway. There is nothing here, in fact, and he has the vague feeling that this isn't right, but he can't remember if there is anything but this darkness, if there ever was or ever will be anything else. It doesn't matter, he decides, but then a word crosses his mind and he speaks it into the blackness, the first word it has ever seen. Frail silence shatters, and he wakes up confused.

* * *

Mika dreams of normal things. She dreams of cherry blossoms, of sunrise, of jumping into a pile of fragrant red leaves that crunch as she lands on top of them, of doing cannonballs into the pool and shrieking with delight as the cold water envelopes her. She dreams of playing cat's cradle, of making paper cranes, of laying on cool, neatly-cut grass on a warm summer day. She wakes up feeling relaxed, refreshed, and utterly, boringly, normal.

* * *

Maki dreams. Of what, even he can hardly say. He dreams of neat, tight stitches, of lace and ponytails and business casual, of dark skin and bright eyes, of cool water and bright red...bright red. He dreams of paper cranes and butter cookies, of crackling fire and popcorn. He dreams of a gear shift and stirs in his bed, dreams of warm summer sun and lies still again. He dreams of everything and nothing and wakes up tense and tired.

* * *

Keiji is having a nightmare. His model, the perfect model that has haunted his dreams for so long, is sitting right there. She's in his studio, posing nonchalantly nude, her hair loose and rippling around her, tumbling to the surface of the couch and shining gloriously. Where is his canvas, where are his paints? Here, here they are, but...where are his brushes? Frantic, sobbing, he searches for them, but the room is bare. Nothing but him and her, canvas and paint. Finally, he dips a finger in the paint and touches it to canvas, where it spreads, changes colour, becomes a mirror showing a lunatic back at him. Screaming, he awakens and begins once again to sob.

* * *

Takeda's dreams are not nightmares. In his dreams, he fights and he wins and somebody is holding up his hand and declaring him the victor, the winner, the better. His parents are not there, he has no older brother. There is nobody to tell him what to do or to belittle him, and he is at long last in first place, at the top of his game, happy with his life. And then the dream comes to an end and he puts his fist through the plaster of the wall. Soon, another circle of fresh plaster and paint will join the others on the same wall, but he doesn't care.

* * *

Makoto thrashes in bed, his hair mussed and skin showing red where he's scratched himself. "Mother," he screams, "Father!" But his dreams are filled with glue, with tape, with everything sticky that attaches him to the floor, keeps him in one place while his parents walk away. Together. "You caused this, you know," says a voice in your head, "If it weren't for you, they'd still be in love." And he screams and screams and screams, and then he wakes up and does it some more. He will be absent from classes today.

* * *

Brennan mumbles in her sleep. In English or Japanese doesn't matter – in her dreams nobody can hear her anyway. She's wandering, dressed in pajamas, begging for help, but nobody will help her. They just walk right by, going about their lives as if she isn't even there. There's her mother, walking away, and there's her father, looking right through her as if she's smoke. She hasn't seen either one in over a year now, and the details are a little fuzzy, but she knows it's them. She wakes up silently, the tears still tracking down her cheeks.

* * *

Satoru does not dream. She lies awake, does not sleep, floating in cool colours in her mind, seeing swords and green eyes and butterflies and purple eyes, cruel eyes, sees a slap coming from the corner of her eye and does not bother to dodge it. It's all in her mind, in these visions that assault her with memories and fancies. She remembers - or is it a fancy? - dark skin, a lithe body moving over hers, remembers disconnecting and drifting away in her head just like she's doing right now. Done with these not-dreams, she floats in dark, satin blue for the rest of the night and when it is time to wake, she feels nothing.

* * *

END CH28.


	26. Matsu: To Wait

Author's Note: I'm not dead, the story's not on hiatus, and that's not ice cream. Retail, the single most common cause of creative death – story at eleven. I apologize for the shortness, but I figured that y'all would prefer something small to nothing at all. I'm seriously up against a hardcore creative wall right now. Suggestions would be helpful.

Kagayaku Means to Shine

Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena

Rating: PG-13

Written: 31 March 2008 – 26 July 2008

Chapter Twenty-Nine

* * *

The clink of silverware and the sounds of dishes touching down on the table were the only sounds, ringing through the overlarge dining room like pealing bells.

Nishiki ate calmly and quietly, methodically working his way through the breakfast laid before him, while across the table Nishiko was apparently attempting an interpretive work of art with her own food. With her eyes pointed at the table just between them, flicking up every few second to land on her twin once more, Nishiko did nothing with her food but continually rearrange in on her plate, not a single bite making it to her mouth.

Finally, his food gone, Nishiki stood up from the table and left, without a word or a backwards glance. Nishiko set her fork down, stared at the mess of food on her plate, and felt as if she should have been crying. When Satoru got up and left as well, she realized that she was.

Classes flew by when she wasn't looking, and it wasn't until she realized with a start that she was looking at her English book during Math class that she was able to get her mind in gear. As soon as she really felt like she was getting focused on her schoolwork, class ended and lunch began.

"Well good. I'm hungry anyway."

* * *

She was already out on the lawn and looking for Mika before she remembered that the blonde had other plans that day and that she would be eating alone with Satoru. Nishiko had made lunch for both of them, and was unaccountably happy that she'd actually remembered to bring the food, since her record thus far into the day wasn't exactly spotless.

Satoru showed up promptly and made appropriate noises of gratitude at the food provided for her, then proceeded to silently work her way through her half of the meal and take off after the shadow of a bird, leaving a thoroughly bemused duelist behind.

"At least she's happy," Nishiko finally muttered before lying back in the grass for a quick nap.

Fortunately for her, the quiet lunch had been just what she needed to keep her focus, and her afternoon classes received much more of her attention than their brethren of the morning, interrupted only by occasional brief meanderings of the mind. She threw herself into swim practice after classes, but was left only with a vague sense of tired emptiness.

* * *

The second day after her discovery of the note passed very similarly to the first, with the only exception being that she was able to have lunch with her beloved Mika, which did much to banish that uneasy feeling following her second awakening in a row with the name Eriko echoing in her head.

She lay that afternoon with her head in Mika's lap, while the blonde girl ate her usual hearty meal and listened with one ear to Nishiko's musings.

"And I haven't seen him at all today either, so I don't know what's going on anymore."

"Hmm," Mika said around a mouthful of rice, "I don't know. I haven't seen my brother either, but he tends to disappear from time to time anyway. I'm sure if you just wait it out, he'll show up sooner or later. Speaking of waiting..."

"Hmm?"

"How long do I have to wait for that girl to go away?"

Mika used her chopsticks to indicate Satoru, sitting only a few feet away and contentedly playing with a butterfly, teasing it by waving a flower in the air near it.

"I, uh...well, she's in my class, she sort of follows me around, you know? I don't want to be mean and tell her to get lost..."

"Well I can do it for you, then. Hey you! Get lost, we're-"

She was cut off by Nishiko's hand clapping over her mouth.

"No, no, don't do that! I'm, uh, I'm supposed to be watching out for her, you know, so I can't send her away...look, she's far enough away that she can't listen in, so we can still talk."

"Watching out for her? How come?"

"It's, uh, nothing. That is to say, I can't really talk about it right now, sorry!"

Mika's expression was full of suspicion, but she subsided slightly and resumed eating.

"I don't like her, and I don't like her hanging around like that. I wish you'd send her away."

"I can't, really...I have to keep an eye on her for at least a while longer. She's not that bad if you get to know her a little."

Mika's distrust was evident, though, and the rest of lunch passed in strained silence.

* * *

And so the days passed. Most every morning, she woke with a name on her lips and an ache in her chest and her feelings for Mika seeming so pale and empty, but every morning she shook it away because after all, she loved Mika and Mika loved her.

It was a full week later before anything changed, and even that was just barely in time to stop Nishiko from going full-on insane. That second note had been tormenting her for seven entire days, and she was about ready to start shaking down every duelist that she knew of to figure out who had left the thing when finally, it was revealed to her.

"N-N-Nikki!?"

* * *

END CH.29


	27. Tobikomu: To Dive

Author's Note: Yeah, I have no excuse. I got fired in December and spent a long time looking for a job, found nothing. I'm living off of what used to be my 401k and concentrating on school. I just haven't had the time. The story's still not on hiatus and I swear I will finish it...we're actually moving towards an end now, I think...yeah, I don't generally know much more about what's going on than you guys do. Short but action-packed this time, enjoy.

Kagayaku Means to Shine  
Anime: Shoujo Kakumei Utena  
Rating: PG-13  
Written: 15 March 2009  
Chapter Thirty

* * *

T minus two days.

A wall of thorns and roses, stretched densely across a doorway that she absolutely must go through. Hands bleeding, she tears at the tangled stems, weeping and screaming and covered in her own blood. There is something coming for her, coming down the hall behind her, and all she can do is tear at the thorns until finally she sees the doorknob. But the thorns are growing back now, trying to entangle her, and she has to fight them off as she yanks on the door, desperate for just a glimpse, a peek, an inkling of what's behind it. Pink hair, purple hair, blue eyes and green, in pain...the door slams shut.

Nishiko woke up in a cold sweat, restraining herself from physically reaching out to claw at the remnants of her dream as her lungs strained for air. Her mind defied her, flailing into the darkness until it connected to something with a clicking sensation that rattled her bones. For the barest instant, she found herself staring into a pair of deeply familiar eyes and a mind that felt like coming home. She only had time to scream two words into that mind before the connection was severed. Falling back into her body felt like being hooded, as if half of her senses had suddenly been shut down. Suddenly feeling almost repelled by her bed, she turned and slid quietly down the ladder, not wanting to wake Satoru. When she looked back at the bottom bunk, though, she saw that she needn't have bothered.

Turning her head towards the window, she caught a quick flash of white and green and magenta movement from the corner of her eye and, frowning, pelted out of the room still barefoot and in her nightgown. It was not the first time Satoru had disappeared in the middle of the night, but it was the first time that Nishiko had caught her leaving and, being the determined sort of person that she was, the young Champion had every intention of finding out what was going on.

Satoru's journey, as it turned out, took them to the Tower, the Chairman's private residence. Nishiko waited while Satoru took the elevator up, then took it herself, pleased that it moved quietly and made no cheerful ding to announce its arrival at each successive floor. Unsure of which floor the Rose Bride had gone to, the young Duelist had no real choice but to stop at each floor, no matter how much it frustrated her to do so. Finally, though, she arrived on what seemed to be the right floor, if the voices in the next room were any indication.

Crouching out of sight behind part of the dividing wall, she settled in to listen.

* * *

T minus one day.

Long, slender fingers held a lock of thick orange hair back as the woman's other hand traced out a relatively large area on a map of Japan.

"We think we've narrowed it down to somewhere in the north island, but we still haven't been able to pinpoint the actual location.(1)"

"If it even has one," grumbled another, more angry-sounding female voice, "It was a huge school, but I can't find a single train stop or bus route or anything that lists it anywhere. I'm starting to think it doesn't exist in the real world."

"If it doesn't exist, how could people keep going back and forth to it? How would students transfer in or out, where did you walk from? It has to exist."

There was a brief silence, as bowed heads thought furiously all around the table.

"I think it exists, but can't be found unless you already know how," a thoughtful male voice mused aloud and, finding the others staring blankly at him, was obliged to expand on, "I remember that when Kozue and I started at school there, they sent a vehicle to pick us up. Did that happen to anyone else?"

A slow round of nods, and then someone else spoke.

"So we need a driver who knows how to get there?"

"Or maybe just a vehicle that knows how to get there."

"But where do we find those at?"

"Juri, how good are your acting skills?"

* * *

On D-Day, Nishiko fought.

The stairs seemed to fly away under her feet as she made her way up to the arena, her thoughts a jumbled mess surrounding a single bright spear of concentration: _I can do this._

And then the arena opened up before her, a vast open space sporting only three still figures. Nishiki was the only one not looking at her; his eyes were cast off into space, his face turned upwards. Maki stood by her brother's side, clutching a terrifyingly black rose in one fist. Blood dripped from his knuckles as he stared at Nishiko, green eyes at once blank and enraged.

Nishiko blocked it all out, instead walking slowly towards Satoru and watching with some sadness as the girl's eyes moved to follow her approach. Once the rose was in place on her chest, Nishiko embraced the Rose Bride gently. She felt as if there was something to say, but as she drew the sword, she could only whisper softly, "I'm sorry."

Ignoring the shocked and confused look that Satoru gave her, Nishiko began to stride more quickly towards her brother, her whole stance reflecting determination. She leveled the tip of her sword at his chest, now adorned by a bloody black rose. Maki backed away as Nishiki's gaze moved from the sky to his twin, and for just a moment their eyes locked and something, something passed between them. They did not dwell on it.

Nishiko attacked first, as benefitted her fiery disposition, but did so silently. Nishiki returned attack equally as silently, and the dance was on. Metal slithered against metal, swept through the air, ripped fabric and maybe skin. Somebody kicked out, and then the fight was truly engaged. Swords became an accessory, a deadly, bloody accessory, to a fight of fists and feet that ranged all across the arena. And still, they did not speak.

Maki glared, Satoru began to weep, and still the twins would not open their throats even in pain.

Nishiko went rolling across the arena floor and came back up to her feet, blood seeping from a cut on her forehead. She stalked forward to reengage, and shortly it was Nishiki thrown back against the stones at the edge of the arena.

They fought and they fought, but all true fights have a victor and this was no exception. The fight ended, at long last, in the traditional way: one last slither of a sword through rose petals, a brief wind to carry them away.

But this momentous fight could not simply be allowed to pass without comment. Even as the petals were being swept away, footsteps sounded out from near the stairs, two sets. Eyes of green, blue, and purple turned to see, as Akio stepped out into the arena, trailing behind him a most unexpected person: Mika.

"Well fought, little princes," came Akio's melodious voice, "Well fought. Or should I say little prince, since one of you no longer deserves the title."

"Loser," came Mika's voice, strange and astringent, "Loser! I don't know why I even bothered! I knew you were going to lose, you were such a waste of my time!"

There was silence again, however briefly, followed by the sudden sound of running footsteps, echoing in the quiet air. The runner came to the edge of the arena and leapt onto the stones there, glancing back briefly to speak a single word.

"Goodbye."

Satoru screamed.

And then, like the champion swimmer that she was, Nishiko dove.

END CH30

* * *

References:

(1): The location given in the manga for the school is in a made-up city called 鳳凰 (Houou) after the fenghuang, the female Chinese phoenix (or a firebird goddess). This keeps a theme (in characters and meaning) with the school's name, 鳳 (Ootori, romanized in the old style as Ohtori), which can mean a male phoenix. Some people believe that the school is actually in Hokkaido, because there is Nemuro Hall and a city in Hokkaido named Nemuro, but no concrete location is ever actually given.


End file.
